My Scrambled Thoughts
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
Thank you all for the words of kindness and hope.I have been thru it all,I have tried all of the solutions offered and at this time nothing is working.I have packed all of Jennifers things away (carefully).I just feel it is better to be without her for now.We will see how things go.I am not leaving the forum as you are just the best bunch of people ever.I just need to find my way I guess.
Understand the voice within
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Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
I think the fact that you packed up Jennifers things with care rather than purging shows an acceptance of both your sides. It sounds like you are listening to something inside you and if Jennifer needs to take a little nap for a while who am I to question that. Presumably she will wake up at some time but in the meantime the person where male and female reside is still alive and where they are supposed to be. I hope you will continue to participate here.
I like what was said about sometimes it is our male side that we need to accept. In that spirit, ccaisionally in the what are you wearing thread I will even post about my male clothes. Probably boring to everyone or even maybe considered wierd. So what?
Anyway I hope you will continue to participate here no matter what you are wearing.
Absaroka.
I like what was said about sometimes it is our male side that we need to accept. In that spirit, ccaisionally in the what are you wearing thread I will even post about my male clothes. Probably boring to everyone or even maybe considered wierd. So what?
Anyway I hope you will continue to participate here no matter what you are wearing.
Absaroka.
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi again, Jennifer,
I agree with what Donna says in the post above.
If you feel that the only time [your] family will talk to [you] is when they want something done, then it may be time to review how you relate to your family in order to make them understand that there are things you need done, too... one of them being--and not the least of which is--the necessity for them to respect you as an individual. Like I said further up this thread, having others (even family and friends) love you for who you are is a tall order. But having them respect you ought to be a non-negotiable issue. If they cannot do that, then it may be time for you to turn the tables on them--however hard that may be--by choosing not to talk to them unless they are willing to do something for you. Sounds harsh, I know, but, Jennifer... Jeff... this is YOUR life we're talking about, here, not theirs. This is what has worked for me: simply put, life is too short for me to tolerate people that I feel are toxic to me, to my hopes, to my dreams, to my desires, to my very soul.
I know all this is easier said than done, Jennifer. But it is doable. The setting of emotional limits may be the hardest thing any of us will ever have to learn but it's a lesson whose cost will pay for itself ten times over once we've come to a place of relative peace in our heart and mind. People will think you selfish; people will think you insensitive; people will think you whatever... but the day you quit defining yourself by what people think of you, you'll achieve some measure of emotional freedom (the perfect example of this, right here on this forum, is how Elizabeth chooses to conduct her life; having "taken the bull by the horns" in her quest for authentic selfhood, she's delighted to find that all the catastrophic scenarios she was warned about, and that she herself imagined, have failed to materialize... on the contrary, people--including her sons--are now drawn to the "true" person she has become).
Of course, we're all different and we each have to live through different circumstances in our lives, so blanket statements may not always be helpful and, like Anita says, we ought to glean from what others say what we believe is most germane to our own situation and let the chaff be carried off by the wind.
One thing you should know, Jennifer (and I hope you can see that your sisters and brothers here have tried very hard to express this), is the fact that you are not alone. We know the "real you," the one whose gender identity is mixed up, the one who's suffering, the one whose beautiful soul wants to shine through, the one who cries alone at night, the one who wants to be loved the way she loves, the one who's loved by us, right here and now, though we be miles apart. That is the "you," Jennifer, that we know and care about and love. All you need to do now is to give Jeff the message next time you see him.
And, by the way, bravo on packing rather than purging. It's one decision I don't think you'll regret.
Love,
CJ
I agree with what Donna says in the post above.
If you feel that the only time [your] family will talk to [you] is when they want something done, then it may be time to review how you relate to your family in order to make them understand that there are things you need done, too... one of them being--and not the least of which is--the necessity for them to respect you as an individual. Like I said further up this thread, having others (even family and friends) love you for who you are is a tall order. But having them respect you ought to be a non-negotiable issue. If they cannot do that, then it may be time for you to turn the tables on them--however hard that may be--by choosing not to talk to them unless they are willing to do something for you. Sounds harsh, I know, but, Jennifer... Jeff... this is YOUR life we're talking about, here, not theirs. This is what has worked for me: simply put, life is too short for me to tolerate people that I feel are toxic to me, to my hopes, to my dreams, to my desires, to my very soul.
I know all this is easier said than done, Jennifer. But it is doable. The setting of emotional limits may be the hardest thing any of us will ever have to learn but it's a lesson whose cost will pay for itself ten times over once we've come to a place of relative peace in our heart and mind. People will think you selfish; people will think you insensitive; people will think you whatever... but the day you quit defining yourself by what people think of you, you'll achieve some measure of emotional freedom (the perfect example of this, right here on this forum, is how Elizabeth chooses to conduct her life; having "taken the bull by the horns" in her quest for authentic selfhood, she's delighted to find that all the catastrophic scenarios she was warned about, and that she herself imagined, have failed to materialize... on the contrary, people--including her sons--are now drawn to the "true" person she has become).
Of course, we're all different and we each have to live through different circumstances in our lives, so blanket statements may not always be helpful and, like Anita says, we ought to glean from what others say what we believe is most germane to our own situation and let the chaff be carried off by the wind.
One thing you should know, Jennifer (and I hope you can see that your sisters and brothers here have tried very hard to express this), is the fact that you are not alone. We know the "real you," the one whose gender identity is mixed up, the one who's suffering, the one whose beautiful soul wants to shine through, the one who cries alone at night, the one who wants to be loved the way she loves, the one who's loved by us, right here and now, though we be miles apart. That is the "you," Jennifer, that we know and care about and love. All you need to do now is to give Jeff the message next time you see him.
And, by the way, bravo on packing rather than purging. It's one decision I don't think you'll regret.
Love,
CJ
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
CJ wrote:
Beautiful post, CJ.
Excuse me, I must have something in my eye...I'll just take this kleenix box over here and use half of it before I bring it back.One thing you should know, Jennifer (and I hope you can see that your sisters and brothers here have tried very hard to express this), is the fact that you are not alone. We know the "real you," the one whose gender identity is mixed up, the one who's suffering, the one whose beautiful soul wants to shine through, the one who cries alone at night, the one who wants to be loved the way she loves, the one who's loved by us, right here and now, though we be miles apart. That is the "you," Jennifer, that we know and care about and love. All you need to do now is to give Jeff the message next time you see him.
Beautiful post, CJ.
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Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi Jennifer,
It's hard for me to add to what my sisters have already said and you probably know what I am going to say anyways. This is hard. There is nothing easy about it. I have watched for years now as me and my sisters here have been confronted with gruesome decisions regarding our gender dysphoria.
I know the pain you are feeling, we all do. We have all been taught that we were loved for who we were, but most of us have found out that is not true. It seems we are only loved when are willing to meet the expectations of others and when we don't, we are called selfish. As if it is somehow wrong to seek a life of happiness.
It's made even more difficult because we don't even know what will make us happy. We are guessing. But it's not a blind guess. We know what makes us unhappy. Do you know what the cure for gender dysphoria is? I will give you a hint. It's not purging. Purging is a bandaid we put on gender dysphoria. And like a bandaid, we think it will make the hurt go away. But it doesn't. It only covers it up.
There is no cure for gender dysphoria. The only way to treat it is acceptance. And I do not mean a verbal or mental statement acknowledging it. I mean restructuring one's life in such a way as to coexist with gender dysphoria.
Don't expect love and acceptance from a society that has been taught to shun those who do not obey the unwritten, or even sometimes written, rules of society. My kids get it. They can see that I am still me, just happy now.
I don't allow my happiness to be dictated by the actions of others. It's just too unreliable. What do you think will make you happy? Really and truly. In a perfect world? Then make your world as perfect as you can. That is all anyone can do. But if you rely on the good will of others, to be happy? I am afraid you will end up very unhappy.
I have met many new people since I came out in the open and many of them introduced themselves to me only to tell me that they admired me for living my life as I see fit. Many see it as strength and courage. I see it as the only way I can be.
What is the only way Jennifer can be? Do that and do it proudly. Because if you do, you will always have one friend. Yourself.
Love always,
Elizabeth
It's hard for me to add to what my sisters have already said and you probably know what I am going to say anyways. This is hard. There is nothing easy about it. I have watched for years now as me and my sisters here have been confronted with gruesome decisions regarding our gender dysphoria.
I know the pain you are feeling, we all do. We have all been taught that we were loved for who we were, but most of us have found out that is not true. It seems we are only loved when are willing to meet the expectations of others and when we don't, we are called selfish. As if it is somehow wrong to seek a life of happiness.
It's made even more difficult because we don't even know what will make us happy. We are guessing. But it's not a blind guess. We know what makes us unhappy. Do you know what the cure for gender dysphoria is? I will give you a hint. It's not purging. Purging is a bandaid we put on gender dysphoria. And like a bandaid, we think it will make the hurt go away. But it doesn't. It only covers it up.
There is no cure for gender dysphoria. The only way to treat it is acceptance. And I do not mean a verbal or mental statement acknowledging it. I mean restructuring one's life in such a way as to coexist with gender dysphoria.
Don't expect love and acceptance from a society that has been taught to shun those who do not obey the unwritten, or even sometimes written, rules of society. My kids get it. They can see that I am still me, just happy now.
I don't allow my happiness to be dictated by the actions of others. It's just too unreliable. What do you think will make you happy? Really and truly. In a perfect world? Then make your world as perfect as you can. That is all anyone can do. But if you rely on the good will of others, to be happy? I am afraid you will end up very unhappy.
I have met many new people since I came out in the open and many of them introduced themselves to me only to tell me that they admired me for living my life as I see fit. Many see it as strength and courage. I see it as the only way I can be.
What is the only way Jennifer can be? Do that and do it proudly. Because if you do, you will always have one friend. Yourself.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
I am so thankful to find such support.Your words have not fallen on deaf ears,what you have said has me thinking much differently than I was a few weeks ago.I am feeling better,Jennifers things are still packed away but only for a little while longer I suspect.Thank you all so very much 
Understand the voice within
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Roberta-Llyan
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 438
- Joined: Fri May 02, 2008 1:13 pm
- Location: Mid-West Texas
Greetings Jennifer:
I do not know you yet well enough to "criticize" you so all I can do it tell you what works for me. And it has and is working.
I draw from your post a sentence or two that you wrote which says:
"I will never be free of this,I will never have answers and I will never be accepted by society."
Instead of saying it this way, how about turning it around and making it positive instead of negative? Such as:
"I AM free of this and becoming more free daily. I am receiving answers to all my doubts and questions. I am accepted by society and I appreciate that acceptance as it grows daily."
Now on the surface, this may not always seem to be true. But as a person thinks in them Selves so too they become as they continue to think it over and over and over. These thoughts are not just thoughts but THOUGHTS WITH GUT FEELING! Even if it is just an inkling of feeling--dwell upon that feeling and know it is TRUE about YOU! Affirm it over and over and it does and will come true on a greater scale as you do it.
Your icon shows you to be a lovely woman and I'm a bit jealous. *winks* So don't let things get you down, sweetie. Look around you every day and find areas where this is true about yourself. Resist not the temptation to think negative but think upon those things which are beautiful and positive about YOU!
A friend, who knows I am transgender and has accepted me, recently gave me a book as a gift. It was one by Elmer Kelton titled: STAND PROUD. I've not read the book but the title has been going through my mind every day since I got it. STAND PROUD! I AM WOMAN! I AM PROUD TO BE WOMAN! When I find myself suddenly standing erect and throwing back my shoulders--I feel WOMAN.
It honestly is all a mind game sweetie. That's all life really is. What you think is what you are!
As I said above: I can only offer what has helped me to overcome. If it works for you--use it. If not, throw it out with the rest of the trash and keep searching. The answer is within you.
Have a beautiful week.
I do not know you yet well enough to "criticize" you so all I can do it tell you what works for me. And it has and is working.
I draw from your post a sentence or two that you wrote which says:
"I will never be free of this,I will never have answers and I will never be accepted by society."
Instead of saying it this way, how about turning it around and making it positive instead of negative? Such as:
"I AM free of this and becoming more free daily. I am receiving answers to all my doubts and questions. I am accepted by society and I appreciate that acceptance as it grows daily."
Now on the surface, this may not always seem to be true. But as a person thinks in them Selves so too they become as they continue to think it over and over and over. These thoughts are not just thoughts but THOUGHTS WITH GUT FEELING! Even if it is just an inkling of feeling--dwell upon that feeling and know it is TRUE about YOU! Affirm it over and over and it does and will come true on a greater scale as you do it.
Your icon shows you to be a lovely woman and I'm a bit jealous. *winks* So don't let things get you down, sweetie. Look around you every day and find areas where this is true about yourself. Resist not the temptation to think negative but think upon those things which are beautiful and positive about YOU!
A friend, who knows I am transgender and has accepted me, recently gave me a book as a gift. It was one by Elmer Kelton titled: STAND PROUD. I've not read the book but the title has been going through my mind every day since I got it. STAND PROUD! I AM WOMAN! I AM PROUD TO BE WOMAN! When I find myself suddenly standing erect and throwing back my shoulders--I feel WOMAN.
It honestly is all a mind game sweetie. That's all life really is. What you think is what you are!
As I said above: I can only offer what has helped me to overcome. If it works for you--use it. If not, throw it out with the rest of the trash and keep searching. The answer is within you.
Have a beautiful week.
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Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
I have spent so much time thinking about what everyone has said in replyto this post.I have started feeling better and have started to unpack Jennifers things.Having them out again seems to bring back a small amount of clarity.I want to thank everyone who has responded,without your kind words I would have purged everything.Its nice to talk to others who understand.
Understand the voice within
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Hi Jennifer!
You know me, I still see this as "gift." I know it can be a challenge, but I have to reiterate, you, me, the rest of our sisters in this sorority have something to be proud of, something totally unique with the human experience. The ability to share both "recognized" aspects of humans. The male and the female. Some of us are content just to wear the expressions (as defined by society) the outward expressions, i.e., the clothing but even with that, something is driving us to even want to do it.
Those of us closer to the other end of the continuum experience the internal feelings, i.e., the gentleness, nurturing, the subdued feminine nature that comes with this gift!
As I have said, it is good to be wary of it, but hopefully to learn to accept it, adorn it, love it, relish it, and if at all possible share it. You don't have to be "dressed" to share it. The listening, the touching, the truly caring for and about our fellow travellers on this trip around the sun, those can come naturally if we just let "her" be herself.
Glad you continue to share with us!!
Love ya,
Virginia
You know me, I still see this as "gift." I know it can be a challenge, but I have to reiterate, you, me, the rest of our sisters in this sorority have something to be proud of, something totally unique with the human experience. The ability to share both "recognized" aspects of humans. The male and the female. Some of us are content just to wear the expressions (as defined by society) the outward expressions, i.e., the clothing but even with that, something is driving us to even want to do it.
Those of us closer to the other end of the continuum experience the internal feelings, i.e., the gentleness, nurturing, the subdued feminine nature that comes with this gift!
As I have said, it is good to be wary of it, but hopefully to learn to accept it, adorn it, love it, relish it, and if at all possible share it. You don't have to be "dressed" to share it. The listening, the touching, the truly caring for and about our fellow travellers on this trip around the sun, those can come naturally if we just let "her" be herself.
Glad you continue to share with us!!
Love ya,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Jeannie
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:19 pm
- Location: Connecticut
You're pure evil Jennifer!
Hi Hon
I'm not as articulate as most ladies on here especially CJ, who is fabulous but I have to speak my mind.
I spent 55 years trying make others in my life feel comfortable at my expense. I've always been responsible but was a distant ,depressed ,angry and not a good husband to Mini and father to my kids. I regret that.
I thought I was the only person like me until coming on the internet three years ago. I was wrong.
The people on this forum are the best. They are intelligent, caring,responsible and yet are demonized by most, even the people who are close to them.
Most everyone gets to live their life as who they are. Why not us? If you're not yourself, you'll end up as no one at all. Hugs.
Love
Jeannie
I'm not as articulate as most ladies on here especially CJ, who is fabulous but I have to speak my mind.
I spent 55 years trying make others in my life feel comfortable at my expense. I've always been responsible but was a distant ,depressed ,angry and not a good husband to Mini and father to my kids. I regret that.
I thought I was the only person like me until coming on the internet three years ago. I was wrong.
The people on this forum are the best. They are intelligent, caring,responsible and yet are demonized by most, even the people who are close to them.
Most everyone gets to live their life as who they are. Why not us? If you're not yourself, you'll end up as no one at all. Hugs.
Love
Jeannie
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Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
Tonight I have finally let Jennifer back out,I must admit it feels good.I do stay in the apartment and I am not sure if I will ever go out again but we will see.I hope that with all the advice given here I can avoid any more episodes like this last one,time will tell.Jeannie you are an inspiration,as you all are.
Understand the voice within