Just another rambling by me

DeeDee · Post by **DeeDee** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:22 pm

Here we are.....wanting to be ourselves...and so much intrudes. Sometimes its not fair when we finally spread our wings and "go forth" and real life manages to toss a curve ball. But life is, well, life. I'm very happy and content with myself now, but things happen that we have to deal with....and some for me require pushing Dee to the background. But believe me, Dee is forever here...not going away. I read about other's situations and see so many with sooo many concerns that dwarf mine. I'm doing the best I can, but sometimes I feel like the DeathStar being hammered by the Starfighters. Just a rambling..sorry.....heck I gotta go shopping

Hugs to all with issues, we get over them!!!!!!!
DeeDee

Marjory · Post by **Marjory** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:08 pm

Hi DeeDee,
You're right, I learned a long time ago that you have to pick yourself up and keep going no matter what. I lost my first wife over crossdressing(told her before we were married). No I stay in the closet for fear of losing this one.

I just came back from shopping at DSW... 10,000 pair of shoes and the one pair i really liked they didn't have in my size. I'm truly amazed at how helpful the sales girls are these days. Wish it was like that when I was young. Yep, the best cure for a low feeling is shopping.

Marjory

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:59 pm

Dee, honey, one of our sisters posted something recently that has really struck me and I am coming to the realization she may well be right.

Dee is NOT being pushed to the background, she is pushing her alter-ego to the front because she knows all too well that there are things that "he" can do or handle, well maybe not as good or better than she can, but she does not want "him" to lose touch with reality!!!!! I have not gotten my mind fully around the concept, but it makes sense to me and I never looked at it quite from Virginia's perspective that way. Its a girl thing and if we have been suppressing, repressing, ignoring the "girl thing" for a while it can be a strange concept to come to gripes with it, but makes sense to me!!!!

We are here for you girlfriend and I guess you made the most of the old adage: "When the going gets tough -------- the tough go shopping!"

Love ya,

Virginia

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:28 pm

Hi Marjory,

I don't want to appear to lecture and I am sorry that your first relationship had to end because of, well, what I refer to as a "gift."

You may hear this from others of us, and a lot of us have the right under the "been there done that" clause of existence. We do not generally recommend hiding "Marjory" from your spouse. You may, however be one of the very, very few that "gets away with it," but you will find out that a lot of us, regardless of our best attempts, GET CAUGHT! As you probably experienced, the first thing was not necessarily the fact that you wear women's clothing it is that you kept a secret from her, then the second shoe drops and the "are you gay?" comes out. The denial and then it begins to sink in "this man/guy that I married likes to wear my clothes" and most GG's having never had to deal with something like this and don't have a clue other than in there own mind -- it is just too weird! Some will throw their hands in the air and go screaming into the night!!!!

For those of us who are truly blessed with "the gift" you have got to know, IT AIN'T GONNA GO AWAY! In fact it can get stronger and stronger as we participate in it more and hide it from everyone else.

We are here to support each other and the general consensus is that it is best not to "get caught!" so for most it is best to tell your SO.

I don't wish to rain on your parade, and I hope that you will not have to take what I call "Virginia's Challenge" that is Marjory gets dressed in her finest, stands in front of a full length mirror and then you look into her eyes and ask two questions, "What is she worth to you?" and "What are you willing to do for her?"

There are many, many stories here by your sisters from both sides of the "to tell or not to tell" so you can get a lot of in put and make your own decision if in fact you even have concern.

Good luck and if we can help you, that is what we are here for!

Love,

Virginia

Marjory · Post by **Marjory** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 2:27 pm

I told my first wife before we were married and things went well for ~5years. Then things went downhill f a s t. Lived with a woman for 8 years and wore many female articles but never said I was a XDer and so nothing was ever said... it was accepted. I've been married to this girl eight years, took thirty years to marry her, she was my high school sweetheart whom I never got over. I keep dressing down to a minimum and only when she's out of town. I'm looking for a way to ease her into it(been doing that). My way in will be through the gay stepdaughter. What bothers me is how much she hates CDers on TV.
Marjory

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:03 pm

I'm thinking how this applies to so much besides CDing.

I'm going to a gig in another 15 minutes. Playing jazz is something I love to do and I'm very excited. It is being me. And........

This is a group I am subbing in. I'll be on my best behavior, musically and otherwise. I am very overwhelmed by them wanting to like me because this is a really good group and it's the first time I've performed publicly with them. I am just a sub, one of the other trumpet players couldn't make it and asked me. Almost everyone in it is much better than me. Some of them have played with really famous people- one used to work with the Stan Kenton band. So I will not be really me on one hand and on the other I will be very much me.

Time to go put on concert drag, which is a tux. It's 94 degrees out. Another thing that is not me but I don't care. So tonight I am being me to the max and simultaneously being someone else too. Fun.......

Absaroka

DeeDee · Post by **DeeDee** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:35 am

Hi ya'all
Things are ok here, but something Virginia said sums it up "there are things that "he" can do or handle". Not so much for me but in my role as a caregiver, which is more intense lately, I don't want to rock the medical boat with care for him. So I keep myself low profile with the med types although I refuse to take my earrings out

Heck, hasn't stopped Dee, just slowed me down. And I have been reading the recent posts here, its just amazing how our "gift" is such a cause of disconcert with so many. We are out there and not going away. I never could understand why some are so "turned off" by us just being ourselves. I'm so fortunate to have an SO who understands (and encourages) my discovery process. BTW...this is a great place to vent, ramble or just plain get something off your shoulders, because so many of us can identify with the problems and situations others have. Arghhhhh, I just rambled again!!!!!
Hugs all
DeeDee

Jennifer M · Post by **Jennifer M** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:18 pm

Hi DeeDee,
Please keep rambling,it lets us know we are not alone in our tough times.I know because everyones ramblings and advice keep me going.Heck,I even ramble myself(like now).It helps so everyone "Keep on Ramblin"