Your thoughtful and sensitive response to my earlier post is very deeply appreciated CJ. I really feel like I owe you an apology though, as when I started, it was not about me at all but more just to relay some information of dubious use to you from a TS forum about coming out slow or coming out fast. My point was there, buried in the rush of my own insecurities and worries. I thought it might have some pertinence since the concerns on coming out tend to be the same: possible discrimination in the work place, physical violence and ostracism from the society of one's collegues.
Four out of five of the TSs suggested that the gradual change from full male expression to an androgenous, to a feminine male presentation and finally to a female presentation, was not too practical. Small physical changes to express your femininity (growing your hair out, longer fingernails with clear polish), obviously underdressing and mixing male and female clothing are all things they did not recommend as effective early stages strategy (and are in part what I have been doing to keep my spirits up and feel like something is happening), and are things that some CDs on the CDDF described recently doing as part of their daily lives.
Rather, they recommend developing a plan, bringing your hrm (Human Resources Management) office in on the plan so that any needed special arrangements can be made, and setting a date for a complete transition (usually after a weeks vacation) on the job for a TS. Keep in mind, the ultimate objectives are different, the extent of physical changes would be different (ie, with hormones and youth, there can come a time when you really can't hide breast development, body fat shifts, smoother skin, etc. as a TS), but the concerns about safety and acceptance would be the same. I'm not sure if going through your hrm would be necessary or desired, since your level of coming out is more designed to prevent any accidental exposure, I think, than it is to provide for permanent changes at the workplace. Anyway CJ, maybe not too pertinent to your situation, but this is what I was starting with this morning.
As to your responses to my post, I know the direction my life must take, its just that I'm still dealing with counting the cost. And I don't mean the financial. I have planned how to finance transition without leaving me penniless, though it will leave me in different financial circumstances with a need to supplement retirement for a time. The main cost will come in social and familial arenas, and yes, I am afraid I do know some of them all too well. Two of my blood relatives work for an evangelical based radio station as program developer/director and a DJ, with preaching and "soft Christian rock" as it's stock in programming Another cousin two years my junior is a Southern Baptist preacher, with whom you do not have dinner, but "break bread" with instead. He is the one that would consider my GID a punisment or a trial to be persevered through and triumphed over, a test by God to prove my worth to enter heaven. His own trials include one son imprisoned for the very inept robbery of a bank and drugs, and another that finally straightened out after his third marriage and a drug/alcohol problem. One of his older sisters hardly speaks to me even now, as she thinks I am gay because I have never married. One other cousin and his wife belong to the Jehovas Witness, and since they mainly have turned away from the family anyway, there would likely be little change in contact with them.
My brother-in-law and his parents and brothers are of the southern Baptist strain. The quality of their mercy is not strained, as they have damned little mercy for anyone who does not share their beliefs ("The president oughta' just nuc all them A-rabs and then their oil would be ours for the pickens. They ain't our kinda people anyway." "Them queers don't have no kids, an' that an' aids is jest Gods way of controllin' the population in Africa and weedin' out the deadwood." Noon meal conversation Christmas day '03. (I lost my desire for food, left as soon as possible, and went for a long drive. The brother of the brother-in-law who made the "queer" statement did not mention that his eldest daughter is living in a lesbian relationship--She and her partner were conspicuous by their absence at the "family" dinner. According to my sister, her niece was not welcome to bring her partner, so she did not come.)
On the balance CJ, maybe I won't be losing so much after all. :|
Actually, it is the reaction of those of the family I most care for that I dread. I can only hope that Christina is right that there may be more understanding and acceptance there than I think. If not, then I will move on. On that note, I called today to interview the first of the only three therapists in my area that claim to counsel GID patients. That interview was not entirely successful, I suspect because I still don't know what to ask or how to make my inquires. I do have an idea of costs per hour of treatment now. It is not inconsiderable over the long haul, and may make bimonthly rather than biweekly or monthly appointments necessary. This one is male, and I would really feel more comfortable with a female therapist, I think. I have two more to try to interview, and one of them is female though in practice with another who is male. If I am not happy with these, the next closest is a 2+ hour drive away, one way. I am bothered by the fact that none of the few local TS I have found to talk with (online) recommend the local people, and will only say they didn't work out. We will see.
They are still ok, and it can be a measure of fun to see them struggle to contain hormone driven emotions and new insecurities about a self image (Mom, I have a ZIT- On the end of my nose!!! Its picture day. I can't wear makeup on it, I'm a guy!!" was one of the more recent complaints I heard that gave me special amusement, for obvious reasons) 
He said he was taken aback by my piercings (just my ears, no where else!) He called it "out of character" for me. I have a reputation for being very professional and straight-forward at work. Anyway, he disliked what i had done and asked :!: if I would not wear them. "I'm hoping this is just a phase..." were his words. I was floored!! Here is a man who has two sons with earrings, and he has in the past hired people adorning jewelry every day (men and women) 
: 
he invited me to lunch... to discuss "things"
