Hello
My name is Shayne in 41 years old. I have Two Girls under 6 with my Partner of 9 years.
I first recall the desire to dress when I was about 5 or 6 Playing dress up with my sister and cousins. I always gravitated to my aunties old 60's style dresses (any one seen Joan in Mad Men ??).
I graduated to playing with my sisters dolls and then when I was older my mother's clothes (Very disappointing , She is not a stylish woman). When I began to work I was able to start buying my own clothes. I when for feminine dresses at first
My work was very physical and I developed in to a very masculine looking man so it became more difficult to find nice clothes to suit my frame and to look feminine.
I met my love and came out to her about 12 months into our relationship At first she was bemused by it and asked all the usual questions but she was supportive .
Im also am lucky enough to have two Dear GG Friends who both know and share a love of Heels.
Recently my love spoke to me and told me that she could not cope with me dressing any more, that she felt the as with was being a woman there was no need for her in my life and that she could not be attracted to a man who wanted to look like a woman.
So, with some heartache i stoped, purged my things ( not such a bad thing as i was not happy with most of it any way) except for some makep i have just bought. I was away for work an got up the corrage to go to a departmet store makeup counter to ask about foundation the woman i spoke to was great and helped me chose the correct shade and gave me some great advice.
at the moment I don't dress but am hoping that i will be able to renegotiate that in the near future .
Sorry for the ramble
Shayne
Hello
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Shayne
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- Location: Northern NSW Australia
Thank You All
At the moment my partner is going through her own stuff. Parent related things form when she was younger and also body issue stuff.
By dressing, I was challenging her ideas of her own femineity. My Female tastes are a lot more girly then hers,
which leads to the feeling that I desire someone more girly and that she was not desirable to me as a woman.
I tried to explain that this was not the case but to no avail.
This combined with a lack of intimacy caused an number of things on both sides( just having two kids under 5 is enough I think)
leads to her feeling that I was investing time in displaying feminine aspects of myself because I no longer wanted or needed her as a woman
( in her mind I was satisfying those needs myself). Discretion was the better part of valour in this case, I felt that we needed to get to a more balanced emotional
place before I could fully explore my femineity more. Who knows, It may never be a comfortable thing in our relationship, I know it is and will continue to be a challenge.
Another problem is that I am the sort of person whom when confronted with a passion will not allow myself to do a half job. I was at the point where in order to
create the image of womanhood I was happy with, I was contemplating buying breast forms, better shaping garments and jewellery along with new clothes that fitted "My New Figure" .
Again significant challenges and, although I had consulted her and she said she was OK with me doing this she later told me that she was only agreeing because she did not want to hurt my feelings.
At this time it is more important to me that my love is getting to a better place in her head and that I give her all the support that I am able than weather I am free to dress when I want.
We still talk about it and I am still open to her about being a cross dresser ( this will never go away) I still talk about cloths and styles and that I love that dress /outfit that woman was wearing .
So I go on from here, one day at a time, as you all know it comes and goes.
And now I'm a part of a community of like minds.
Thank you for your lovely welcome and support.
I look forward to being part of this community .
By dressing, I was challenging her ideas of her own femineity. My Female tastes are a lot more girly then hers,
which leads to the feeling that I desire someone more girly and that she was not desirable to me as a woman.
I tried to explain that this was not the case but to no avail.
This combined with a lack of intimacy caused an number of things on both sides( just having two kids under 5 is enough I think)
leads to her feeling that I was investing time in displaying feminine aspects of myself because I no longer wanted or needed her as a woman
( in her mind I was satisfying those needs myself). Discretion was the better part of valour in this case, I felt that we needed to get to a more balanced emotional
place before I could fully explore my femineity more. Who knows, It may never be a comfortable thing in our relationship, I know it is and will continue to be a challenge.
Another problem is that I am the sort of person whom when confronted with a passion will not allow myself to do a half job. I was at the point where in order to
create the image of womanhood I was happy with, I was contemplating buying breast forms, better shaping garments and jewellery along with new clothes that fitted "My New Figure" .
Again significant challenges and, although I had consulted her and she said she was OK with me doing this she later told me that she was only agreeing because she did not want to hurt my feelings.
At this time it is more important to me that my love is getting to a better place in her head and that I give her all the support that I am able than weather I am free to dress when I want.
We still talk about it and I am still open to her about being a cross dresser ( this will never go away) I still talk about cloths and styles and that I love that dress /outfit that woman was wearing .
So I go on from here, one day at a time, as you all know it comes and goes.
And now I'm a part of a community of like minds.
Thank you for your lovely welcome and support.
I look forward to being part of this community .
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Anita
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Hi Shayne--
You seem to have a workable attitude toward the situation. It is not easy to balance two people's needs around this problem. A complication here is that this issue (crossdressing) is one that neither of you can safely talk about with friends or family. It can make for isolation. I would hope that the two of you can avoid that, and keep working together.
You seem to have a workable attitude toward the situation. It is not easy to balance two people's needs around this problem. A complication here is that this issue (crossdressing) is one that neither of you can safely talk about with friends or family. It can make for isolation. I would hope that the two of you can avoid that, and keep working together.
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Shayne
- New Member
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- Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 5:53 am
- Location: Northern NSW Australia
Thanks Anita,
we had a talk and i told her that i was struggling with not being able to dress.
She is a lot happier at the moment and said that i could dress as long as i wasn't to intrusive, think if i don't go overboard things should be fine.
Tonight i am going to sit down and talk and try and establish some boundaries around her feelings and expectations.
and then on from there
Shayne
we had a talk and i told her that i was struggling with not being able to dress.
She is a lot happier at the moment and said that i could dress as long as i wasn't to intrusive, think if i don't go overboard things should be fine.
Tonight i am going to sit down and talk and try and establish some boundaries around her feelings and expectations.
and then on from there
Shayne
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Joan
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Hi Shayne
Welcome.
As some of our others sisters here have pointed out much most of us have experienced similar issues as well.
I told gf who became my wife, she was supportive and she would buy lingerie with both of us in mind. Recently although still tolerant of my CDing she is not quite as supportive as she was. In truth I have probably pushed quite a bit on the boundary, and I think that scares her a bit. Like you I am finding that I must curtail my activity to what is acceptable to both of us.
My wife knows I go further i my activity when on my own, but she is not too bothered about that.
Joan
Welcome.
As some of our others sisters here have pointed out much most of us have experienced similar issues as well.
I told gf who became my wife, she was supportive and she would buy lingerie with both of us in mind. Recently although still tolerant of my CDing she is not quite as supportive as she was. In truth I have probably pushed quite a bit on the boundary, and I think that scares her a bit. Like you I am finding that I must curtail my activity to what is acceptable to both of us.
My wife knows I go further i my activity when on my own, but she is not too bothered about that.
Joan
Nylon slips and panties, always with lace
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BrandyB
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Wow! I must say I guess I am lucky, my wife loves it...she say's she finds it fun...I am in very good shape, but I do not find parking my backside on the couch with a 12 pack on sunday to watch football my cup of tea...she loves that about me...when our son goes for overnight trips to grandma's it is my opportunity to fully dress...sometimes we go to a club, mostly stay at home and she dresses up too...I still ask her, "You sure this doesn't bother you?"...she always say's "Why would it?"...it is safe, harmless, it involves no other people...you like to play dress up...whoopie doo...I am lucky and I feel for you all, hopefully they will come around and be more accepting.
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Andrea Elise
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Hi, Shayne!
My wife came across as being totally accepting of my CD before we were married. Afterwards she has become, somewhat, disapproving.
She has admitted that it was because she loves so much and wanted to be my wife. Now, it is a struggle for her. I think it is because, and this sounds strange, she really expects to see me completely feminine. Or, completely masculine. No in between.
In the last week she has come home with 'concealer' and informed me that I can try it, if I want.
I believe that SO's need time to get acclimated to the idea of our needs and desires. And, we need to understand their needs and desires. It is a big step for our SO's to be able to understand it and not feel threatened.
As others have said, "baby steps" and I sometimes think that even baby steps are too large. These days I seem to be barely inching forward.
Love will find a way.
Andrea
My wife came across as being totally accepting of my CD before we were married. Afterwards she has become, somewhat, disapproving.
She has admitted that it was because she loves so much and wanted to be my wife. Now, it is a struggle for her. I think it is because, and this sounds strange, she really expects to see me completely feminine. Or, completely masculine. No in between.
In the last week she has come home with 'concealer' and informed me that I can try it, if I want.
I believe that SO's need time to get acclimated to the idea of our needs and desires. And, we need to understand their needs and desires. It is a big step for our SO's to be able to understand it and not feel threatened.
As others have said, "baby steps" and I sometimes think that even baby steps are too large. These days I seem to be barely inching forward.
Love will find a way.
Andrea
And it feels like me...On a good day