Hello (conflicted)

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:59 pm

Dressing up has been in my life since I was 4, when my grandmother put me in a nightgown. Apparently she had a track record of having people go over there and come away changed. Creepy was how my mother (one of her daughters) described it. So that kind of sets the scene for my cross-dressing, about which I've always been conflicted (at least somewhat).

It's one of those things that's always there, but it comes and goes in intensity depending how my life is going. Basically if something goes wrong in my life, in a big way, I tend to go into physical dressing up rather than just thinking about it. So, although I think there's quite a lot of woman in me, I don't really see it as an expression of my "female side".

I have come to the point where I enjoy doing it, but I also feel there's a limit (somewhere) beyond which I start to lose myself in it rather than face the world. So, you can see, I'm still conflicted about it.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:16 pm

Hi Anthony--
Welcome to the forum! It is good to have a place where 75% of your problem is understood to some extent. We here don't have to work as hard to look at the other 25% that's individual to you. We're not starting from ground zero. ("You, uh, like to do WHAT...?)

I have come to the point where I enjoy doing it, but I also feel there's a limit (somewhere) beyond which I start to lose myself in it rather than face the world.

I felt this, too. It was a big reason why I decided I had to take my dressing out into the world. If I didn't do that, I was going to become lost in a private world where nothing would change, or would get worse because I wasn't acting on it.

We can talk of this in another post, but even going to support group meetings dressed, (and only there) would help to balance out this tendency. We have a changing room at the support group house, so that no one needs to appear out beyond the group.

BlonT · Post by **BlonT** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:17 pm

Welcome

If there is a limit, let it be YOUR limit to where you feel comfortable /happy!

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:02 pm

Anita wrote:
I have come to the point where I enjoy doing it, but I also feel there's a limit (somewhere) beyond which I start to lose myself in it rather than face the world.
I felt this, too. It was a big reason why I decided I had to take my dressing out into the world. If I didn't do that, I was going to become lost in a private world where nothing would change, or would get worse because I wasn't acting on it.

We can talk of this in another post, but even going to support group meetings dressed, (and only there) would help to balance out this tendency. We have a changing room at the support group house, so that no one needs to appear out beyond the group.

I know when I dress up, it's like the whole world goes away - in the sense that I stop thinking about all the things that are upsetting me and I can't resolve. So it's like a safety valve which stops me obsessing over things in a negative and self-destructive way. You know, you're just thinking about your makeup and how to be a more convincing woman and it just becomes engrossing.

So, when I come back from it, it's like I've had a rest - and I can kind of get on with my life without all that negative energy. But to go out in the world dressed up, albeit it in the very limited way of a support group, would mean a further commitment to the cross-dressing. It's quite a big move, I think - kind of moving more of your identity towards the cross-dressing. I know when I started wearing makeup, it was that sort of large step - associated with more stuff I had to deal with from the outside world. But, right now, just coming here and typing away (and of course it is a kind of going into a support group) is enough for me.

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:36 pm

Hi Anthony

Welcome to the forum. Your route here is different to me and many others but that does not matter, you are amongst friends here who welcome you for what you are. Make yourself at home, read the articles in the forum that interest you and maybe put your ideas into the mix too.

If you would like to get to know us try the chat room some time, there are some lovely people in there.

Regards

Andrea Elise · Post by **Andrea Elise** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:05 pm

Hi Anthony!

Welcome to the forum!

Andrea

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 6:06 pm

Hi and

I too find that at times of stress my cross dressing is also more intense, I am not sure as to the whys, maybe it is a way of getting maybe the consentration on the dressing relieves the mind away from the person who is being stressed, maybe some of the stress comes from denying the feminine side, or maybe it is a way of taking a holiday from oneself. This is probably a thread on it's own

Leeza · Post by **Leeza** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 6:34 pm

Hi, Anthony, and welcome to our little place on the internet.

Leeza

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:18 pm

If you ever got formally analyzed, I bet the doc would say you dress solely for pressure relief. Supposedly high pressure job people use dressing to free them from the stress. Now that you say you enjoy it for itself, it seems you're getting past the pressures -- coping better maybe?

There are lots of reasons why people dress and lots of reasons why they don't. Just fit your own normalcy; it's all okay.

And.... welcome to the forum. Hope we can help.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:52 am

Davita wrote:If you ever got formally analyzed, I bet the doc would say you dress solely for pressure relief. Supposedly high pressure job people use dressing to free them from the stress. Now that you say you enjoy it for itself, it seems you're getting past the pressures -- coping better maybe?

There was a TV program over here (UK) a few years ago called (I think) "Why men wear frocks" and that was one of the things that came up. It was said by the woman who runs "The Boudoir" (a dressing service), Jodie Lynn. Like she said that when her clients came to her and got dressed up, leaving the pressures of their everyday life behind, they went "Ahhh".

I do have an analyst and he says it's "compensation" - a bit like all this stuff is going wrong in your life and as a compensation you award yourself this woman, who is you dressed up. Only because of the makeup and everything, when you look in the mirror, it does actually look like a woman (more or less) rather than *just* you dressed up.

The sort of pressures that impacted negatively on me enjoying the cross-dressing were kind of internal ones, to do with guilt about not be masculine enough (etc) which I guess is pretty commonplace. I think a lot of that's to do with a superficial idea about what "being a man" is all about - and as I've got happier with the sort of person I am that sort of stuff has gone away (to a large degree).

CJ · Post by CJ » Wed Dec 22, 2010 7:57 am

Hi Anthony, and welcome to the forum!

I think you'll enjoy yourself here.

CJ

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:34 am

Hi Anthony,

to the forum.

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:08 pm

Hi, Anthony, and welcome to the Forum!!

- SL

April Rose · Post by **April Rose** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:27 pm

Hello, Anthony, and welcome. As an introverted person ,with a highly extroverted job, I'd have to agree with you that it can be tempting to just withdraw into a feminine cocoon.

Vivian · Post by **Vivian** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:32 pm

Hi Anthony,
Dressing up is just dressing up. welcome
Hugs Vivian