Making an exhibition of myself

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon May 23, 2011 6:33 pm

I have just booked myself a ticket to an exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. On the 7th June. Paula is going to go the the "Cult of beauty" exhibition. (see http://www.vam.ac.uk/content/exhibition ... of-beauty/ ) this will be a first in quite a few ways.
It means traveling on public transport, only taking what is needed, not having a bolt hole (the car or van) or a change of clothing readily available. It also means being Paula for about 8 hours in public, independent of any support infrastructure. I will be obliged to spend the whole day as Paula in public view, eating, travelling viewing the exhibition, maybe doing some shopping afterwards, and only being able to return to being "him" when I reach the relative safety of my car after the return rail journey.
I am looking forward to the outing, with eager anticipation, and dread, in roughly equal measures. In many ways it is the time on the trains that I am most worried about, and the time in town that I am most looking forward too. I need to decide just how I am going to make the journey, where I shall travel from, I don't want to find myself in the same railway carriage as a neighbour dressed. This means I need to find a route where I can have somewhere safe to leave the car, and still have an easy journey that's not on my usual line.
It also means I will be having at least one meal in London probably on my own, if any one wants to save me from the fate of eating on my own then feel free to come to my rescue. I would love to meet any of you for lunch or tea at the museum or a near by spot, South Kensington is close, Sloane Square, Knightsbridge and Victoria near by.
I am nervous of this outing, but somehow I feel that it is a threshold I need to cross, so much of our lifestyle means confronting barriers, bring them down, cutting them to size, understand our fear, what the real risks are and then taking them on.
Anyway enough of this self indulgent clap....if you fancy meeting up with me for lunch or tea post or PM.
I will post more on this, as I get more nervous, try to decide what to wear, panic just before going, and then I'll you tell the story of how easy and well the day went.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Mon May 23, 2011 9:19 pm

I'll meet you for tea if you want. En drab, on crutches. I'm not that far from the V+A. How about there?

Actually the bit about going on public transport sounds like the exhibition part.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Wed May 25, 2011 8:06 am

I hope you have fun. remember this is all totally voluntary, at least till you get on the train.

Zari

PhylissH · Post by **PhylissH** » Thu May 26, 2011 10:04 pm

Just remember Paula keep your head up and act like a lady and things will be fine

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon Jun 06, 2011 2:54 am

Well, my big outing is tomorrow, I think I am prepared. I had a couple of free hours yesterday on my own so I have got everything I want to wear clean and ready. I have not made a final decision on what to wear but have brought it down to either my black and white spotted cotton dress, or the lilac sheath, it all depends on the weather, but both are ready. I also managed to get out and check a couple of stations, and have made decision which to go through, as long as I can find a parking space near by.
Emotionally I think I am as ready as I can be before I park my car and have to get out and go to the station. I am very excited but also more than a little scared, but this is something I know I want to do, it is about just doing the normal things that a woman would do. I am determined that I should not just go out do some shopping maybe have a coffee and then fee back to my safe haven. As well as pushing my comfort zone way beyond anything I have done before I think this is also proving to myself how much my CDing is just about the clothes.
To be out for a full day, travelling as Paula, interacting with others, this is all very exciting. I shall post and let you all know how went, please let me know just how much detail you want to know, as I suspect I may be able to rabbit on for ages!

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:46 pm

Please let us know how it goes

Zari

Post by **KimberlyS** » Mon Jun 06, 2011 4:11 pm

Paula good luck with your outing. It sounds like you are well prepared both in what you may wear and your outing in general including your starting point. You can try to avoid those that know you but there is always the chance. So be prepared to run into someone you know and what you may say. Just remember it is ok what you are doing and you do not need to justify what you are doing and give then a long story on why you look the way you do. If someone comes up to you say hi and talk about what you would talk about if you were not enfemme. If they ask about what you are wearing, ask if they like it. IMHO others acceptance and ability to deal with it starts with your acceptance of yourself, what you are doing, and your attitude. Yes you will be nervous but do not act like you just robbed a bank. Just act like you were wearing your drag clothes.

Paula G wrote: I am very excited but also more than a little scared, but this is something I know I want to do, it is about just doing the normal things

The being scared is good as it should keep you in check on what you are doing. And the getting out and just doing normal things is for me a big reason I need to get out and about. It shows from my view how integrated your feminine attributes are a part of who you are as a whole person.

The biggest things are enjoy your self and be safe.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Mon Jun 06, 2011 5:13 pm

I think you got past the biggest hurdle already. You picked your possible outfits.

Hopefully they are both comfortable and they make you feel comfortable. I didn't see what you're doing for shoes. Even if you think you have the best pair for the day, take a backup pair for car. Just depending on how the walking goes, your shoes can still wind up being a bit irritating.

Okay, enough fashion talk. You're going to be fine. You're gonna walk tall and with a smile because you're happy. You're smile will be contagious too; people will be smiling back. If you feel people are looking, maybe it's because you're good looking and because you're smiling; they are looking because you made them feel good.

Have a wonderful time with mass transit; it's the great equalizer. Everyone no matter how they look, who they are, where they come from, all are there doing the exact same thing you are. They are going from point A to B.

I think you picked a nice point B. The exhibit sounds interesting. You will be fine and will have a nice day. Enjoy!

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:21 am

I wrote this last night when I got home, but fell asleep before posting, so here is a little bit about my adventure.

Today started yesterday, I know that sounds pretty daft, but sometimes that is just the way it is. I thought I had everything planned, including the very important matter of what I would wear, however yesterday it rained so my scheduled work all had to be postponed, this left me with one or two chores that I had to go out for and little else that would be interesting to do. Well in circumstances like that I did what any of us would do, I got dressed and went shopping. Mostly I was a good girl, I knew what I wanted and was not going to buy anything else, after all money is hard to come by and these indulgences can work out expensive. I wanted a pair of mid height white heeled shoes to wear with my white linen trouser during the summer months, and I was not going to buy anything else. Well I had a very successful shopping trip to a few charity shops and ended up with a pair of pink pumps, a jacket, trouser, and skirt suit for my wife (too big for me) and a nice new floaty summer dress for me. See how well I can stick to the script.

This morning I checked the weather forecast and came to the conclusion that it was going to be hot, so I had a reason to wear the new summer dress. The advantage over the dress I had originally planed to wear if it was hot is that the new one can be worn with a light weight cardigan over it, whereas the other (my black and white spotty dress) would need a jacket, or nothing. So it was to be the new dress, only trouble was all my stuff was secreted in the garage or my car and I needed it all in the house, but my wife just didn't seem to want to go to work this morning. Eventually I had the place to myself dived out, got what I needed and commenced my preparations. I completed shaving (a little more than really necessary) and then concentrated on my finger nails. My first attempt was a miserable failure, I like to have polished nails in a colour that tones in with my outfit and jewellery, so they ought to be well done, but I find it very difficult to get a good finish, anyway this morning I had to clean it all off and start again. The end result was not good but adequate, by this time I was running short of time, so on with my underwear and start with getting the old slap on. This was the point when an old friend decided to phone me! Now I was running right to the wire, finish my make up, put on the outer garments, make sure I had the drab to change into before coming home – arghh need the ticket for the exhibition…..Yes it all turned from a well organised relaxing morning into a typically panicky rush, including locking up the house, setting the alarm, getting into the car and then remembering that I had left my nail vanish remover on the window sill of our bedroom, woops now that would be a giveaway.

I had already decided that I would leave the house fully as Paula and accept the risk of being seen, but as it happened time ran out and I had no choice. Frantic dash to the station, I was going to be late. The exhibition that was the main point of this outing was meant to be very popular and tickets were issued with timed entry, my time was 11:30, I got a nice parking space near the station entrance, which was closed for re-painting, walked round to the other entrance, and was in such a rush that I barely realised that I was just behaving naturally I was simply a lady on her way to catch a train into town. I didn’t have time to get nervous I just did it.

The train arrived at 11 52 so I had already missed my entrance time. The journey was totally uneventful, other than the inner worry that I was late everything was nice. This is a misunderstood word, nice is good, I felt nice, I looked nice, everyone I interacted with was nice, nobody was anything other than nice, what more could a girl ask for? Arrived Victoria, changed to underground, two stops to South Kensington, short walk to the V & A, nobody paid me any more attention than they would to a tall well dressed lady of certain age, i.e. none at all. This is nice, not exciting, not dramatic, not ecstatic just nice. I like nice

I was late for my timed entrance into the exhibition, but that didn’t matter there was no crowd (as there can be for some) and the staff at the museum encouraged a long stay to absorb all of the exhibits. I can heartily recommend this exhibition http://www.vam.ac.uk/content/exhibition ... of-beauty/ If you have the opportunity to visit take it, there are some great paintings, some important furnishings, but for me the best thing was some really great sculpture. This was something of a surprise, I was expecting more of the practical and less of the purely aesthetic. In all a very good selection of important pieces well displayed.

However there is only so much beauty that one can take in any one day, so having a little time before tea I walked down towards Harrods looking for a branch of my bank, I didn’t find one, so had a look round that well none department store, on all occasions I was greeted as madam, a treated like a lady, all very nice, then realising the time back to the V & A to meet my swain for tea, by this time I felt totally natural just like any other woman, including the small fact that “my feet were killing me”

Sorry Anthony if you don’t recognise the description, but that is very much how you were today. Tea was very nice. You may have noticed that nice is important to me today, nice is good nice is normal – or it should be, nice is not being abnormal, unnatural or perverted, nice is good! It was a real pleasure to meet another member of the forum in person, it is so much more than putting a face to the name, it is completing the experience of the person, and lets face it we are all very interesting people. Also it was good to sit down.

When meeting someone in person we find out so much more about them, and therefore about our selves as well, it is always good to meet another in a similar position to ourselves, but today was, erm, very good, thank you.

After we were thrown out of the museum, I moved on down to Sloan Square, Peter Jones and the Kings Road, that was nice, but uneventful, my return journey had a little delay, but by then Paula was a seasoned traveller and just enjoyed the journey. When I picked up my car I realised that I hadn’t taken any photos, and hadn’t asked anyone else to either, so I stopped off at a local park and managed a couple of snaps, I have posted one of these on the gallery others are on http://cid-b78ac089d6a8c007.photos.live ... ?uc=3&nl=1 so those of you who wouldn’t buy me lunch can see what you missed!

All in all I had a great time, but there was no drama, it was all very nice and in my book that is always a bonus. I did notice a few things, I felt I was getting less looks than I sometimes do when going out, I think this was partly because I was comfortable and confident, and partly because I had a much longer skirt than I often wear; I still get a thrill from being called "madam"; Ten hours is a long time to wear one pair of shoes even if they are comfortable and not particularly high heeled; by the end of the day some blue beard starts to show, and it is difficult to use an electric shaver in the "ladies"; I don't need half the stuff that I crammed into my handbag, but did need some of the stuff I took out. Ah well all part of the learning process.

At over 1200 words this may be one of the longest posts on this forum, but you did ask for it! I hope that this will be the start of many more trips, I certainly feel most reassured but my day’s adventures.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Wed Jun 08, 2011 7:34 am

Like Paula said, we met at the V&A for tea. Coffee for me, tea for Paula. I bought, Paula carried the tray. All very role appropriate - except I was on crutches, so that might have been interesting if I'd been carrying the tray.

We chatted for about an hour and a half - 4 till 5:30 - until the museum shut. So that's pretty good going for a coffee and a tea. They were even a bit apologetic about saying they had to shut. Then we wandered off to the local tube station - Paula went to Sloane Square and I went home.

Basically it was really good to meet someone who had the CDing in common (Hadn't done that before). Just to be able to open up and talk about - whatever. It was a pretty relaxed, pleasant meeting - and Paula is a very nice, intelligent person (as you'd expect from the posts).

Mostly we talked about stuff that has gone around on this group (without which, of course, we would not have met) - or things that had happened in our lives (with a few parallels). Yeah, I think I got quite a lot of out it.

In a way, it wasn't so different from talking to other people (when that works). Only that Paula was dressed up.

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Wed Jun 08, 2011 9:53 am

Bravo to you and Paula Anthony. I have made many friends in the CD and TS community up here and have met many of them initially over a cuppa. The time always goes so quickly. I hope this is only the beginning for you.

Best wishes

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Wed Jun 08, 2011 9:25 pm

Glad you, Paula and Anthony, got to meet up. Getting that first meeting out of the way is such a relief I bet.

Paula, so what did you forget to carry after all? My purse has the makeup I need to repair a smear or some such of my makeup. I carry some cash, but not much and plastic. I carry a hair brush. I carry my cell phone.

I carry a spare pair of shoes in the car. Phone numbers and any notes about my meeting schedules.

Again, glad you had a nice day.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Wed Jun 08, 2011 11:19 pm

Good on you both, Paula and Anthony! I am really glad your day turned out so ---nicely!

It is great to meet online friends face to face.

Carolynn

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:36 am

Paula I'm glad you had a nice time. And it sounds like your meeting with Anthony was perhaps quietly memorable.

Zari