I am freaking out!!!! I think my daughter knows!!!

[Theresa_W]

Just to be up front...I have posted most of this on another forum. I have copied and pasted some of it here and added a little bit more, because I need some advice. And some friends who understand.

Terri

I just got on my computer and noticed that an icon for my "other" photo program was in the dock (mac). I had not put it there, it was buried in the applications folder for a reason!!! It happens to be the software I used over a year ago to edit pictures my wife took of me dressed. (absolutely nothing bad, or racy.) Just dressed in some of my nice feminine clothing. As a matter of fact, they are the same pictures I have posted in my photo album here.

I had purposely set up another user account on the computer, totally separate, for my daughter and her step-sister (the step-daughter knows, is older & is cool with my dressing.) to use. I didn't even realize my daughter new my password!!!!!

Anyway, apparently she has been using it to edit her own photos & there is no way she missed the pictures of me!

I have a feeling that she's kind of had an idea for a while now.... she, my wife, and her step-sister have "played a joke" on me by doing my nails while I sleep, and that I don't take it off right away. Also, she has been told by my wife that I am "The Chief Color Tester" for her nails. In other words she "tests" it out on my fingers or toes before she'll try it on herself.

I really don't think it's going to be a very big deal with her. It's just something I wasn't expecting to find. & not really the way I wanted her to find out. As I sit here typing this I'm beginning to calm down. Starting to breath again. But, in the back of my mind, I have to wonder if she's said anything to anyone?!?! Most of all her MOTHER!!! Two years ago I went through a year long custody battle w/ her Mother, and won. If anything, her mother might laugh it off...I only say this because, her mother has dressed me up for "Halloween" once, and she had a great time doing it! She was also around one Halloween when I dressed as a cheerleader and went trick or treating w/ her.

I know I have to talk to her about it....... I'm just not sure how to approach it. Though she is just barely 13, she is very smart and mature for her age.

I am soooooo confused!!!! I don't know what to think or do! Thank Goodness she is not home right now or I would be sooo embarrass! I think I turned 7 shades of pink and red when I realized that my pictures where mixed in with hers!

Any advice?!?!?!

P.S. Sorry if I'm being long winded & all over the place.....I just can't seem to think straight right now. Also, if this is the wrong place to post this, I apologize.

[Davita]

My first suggestion is show no fear. That is to say you are not doing anything wrong so apologies etc will not be necessary. Second, I'd ask your step daughter if she and your daughter have had a conversation yet. Once you're ready to have the conversation, have everyone with you so she can see everyone is ok and simple logistics means she can ask anyone the questions she may have right then.

By the way, if you are worried about her talking to "outsiders", the discussion goes very much like the one about family money. You know, it's not a subject you talk about with others.

Lastly, I am providing a link to my support page with the links to support groups. Sadly this means I have links to links. See http://davita-farley.webs.com/reference/support.html. Hope this helps.

[Paula G]

As always Davita's advise seems sound, I think the idea of having the others with you for the conversation is a good one, however since you will need to be in control of the conversation you will need to (at least appear) to be in control of yourself. So pick your moment with care, this shouldn't be too bad since the rest of the family seem to be cool with it.
Myself I am dreading this conversation and am doing everything I can to avoid it, so who am I to comment, other than to wish you the best for it.

[Anthony Simon]

...I think the idea of having the others with you for the conversation is a good one

From the point of view of your daughter, though, she may feel the family is "ganging up on her".

...since you will need to be in control of the conversation you will need to (at least appear) to be in control of yourself.

It's really hard, that element, to get yourself under control - not panic, that stuff. I think she will likely pick up whether you're really in control or not (you say she's intelligent). The alternative is just to be honest and open about your embarassment. In a way, that will be like treating her as an adult a bit early (at least on this issue) in her life - but she might appreciate that.

But of course I don't have children...

[DonnaT]

First of all, don't be embarrassed. Play it cool. You don't want her to the idea that there is something wrong with it.

Open the conversation with discussion about the editing program, and what she thinks about it.

Then casually mention that you noticed she opened a picture you had edited, and ask her what she thought.

Heck, she may think it was photo-shopped.

[Kittie]

Tell her I am in the same siuation myself. I am sure my daughter knows and I want her to but need to tell her. helpful advice would be sueful


** Redundant quoting removed pursuant to: Etiquette Guidelines - http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... hp?t=10059

[Anne Bonny]

This is your Daughter and you are separated from her mother who knows that on two Halloweens you dressed as a female - does she know more than that? If she knows I assume this was not used against you in the divorce, or if she only knows that you dressed for Halloween twice and nothing more the potential is there for her to take this new information to her lawyer which aside from the expense, potential embarassment?? Could revise the current arrangement you have. I understand how you must feel, not knowing how you daughter will react and again could potentially tell others outing your transgendered nature to others. It may be better to have it all out in the open, unless you work and have a career. There is no telling how all of this will turn out but I would be a little coy and indirect to see if she accessed any photos on the computer without bringing up more than that. If she admits to seeing your pictures sit down and discuss this with her carefully at least you may know what she plans to do, such as running to your ex, etc... You also can assess if she will keep your secret.

[Absaroka]

Maybe (and maybe not) it would be best to let her bring it up. She may prefer not to know that you know that she knows. Kids that age are mortified not to be orphans anyway.

Zari

[Anthony Simon]

Kids that age are mortified not to be orphans anyway.

I guess the stuff about "the teenagers are revolting" is well understood, at least in part to be to do with finding a separate identity from parents. But I don't read a lot on the other side - that is the effect on parents. I mean you could argue that truly obnoxious teenagers make it easier for parents to let go of them. So, in that sense, it makes it easier for them to go off and set up their own life - which could be seen as an evolutionary advantage.

I often wonder if the way people seem to turn to CDing activities in their fifties may not have more to do with these sorts of mental life changes (rather than physical ones) being as how my CDing has a big compensatory element. I mean if people keep shouting at me and telling me how useless I am, it does definitely help.

Sorry, not really on topic. But then...

[Absaroka]

It's probably not a coincidence that CDing became more attractive to me when my children became more independent.

Zari