I am officially ON the wagon.

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 5:42 pm

I messed up on Saturday.

I humiliated myself, disgraced my family, diappointed all of my friends, and was unable to perform in my show on Sunday, putting the entire event in jeopardy.

I wish I were dead.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 6:23 pm

Hi Lorna,

I'm sorry. Please feel free to IM me or e-mail me if you're having a tough time with your decision or if you need support.

Everything will be ok.

Beauty

Tara · Post by **Tara** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:35 pm

love you, others here love you, not because of some idealized image of you, but because we see your humanity, your struggles, your ups and downs, and, yes, your failures. We also see your delight in living, your loving and giving personality, and the joy you bring to us, and certainly the joy you bring to others as well.

I think Julie sumed up all I had to say to you Lorna. I come from a familiy with some alocholics and I know the guilt you must be putting on yourself over whatever went on. This is natural and healthy, but don't drown in your guilt. You've got to get up, pick up the peices and move on, using the lessons you've learned from this.

I'm sure your family is much more worried over you and your mental/physical health than any silly embaressment cuase by you.

If you need someone to talk to, just IM or email me.

Tara

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:37 pm

Lorna Babe.

You ventured outside of your comfort zone. Good Girl.

That is what it takes for improvement to happen. Give your self permission to feel your pain, and grieve your loss, you will come out of this a better person.

Trust me been there done that, more times than I would like to admit.

*Hugs*
Darlene.

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:39 pm

Thank you all so much. ...

Revealing the following information will probably be the HARDEST thing that I have ever had to do in a very long time. By revealing the following, I may be subject to a lot of angry responses, "lectures" and the like. I am really sticking my neck out there, so I beg of everyone: please, no "lectures". Because I remember a while ago a CD posted a similar experience on the other forum, and she was mercilessly beaten down and blasted to no end.

I feel ashamed enough of what happened. I do try to be a good person.

I will just paste the e-mail that I had sent out to everyone who was counting on seeing me at the comedy show last night that I missed:

Hello everybody,

I want to start by apologizing to each and every one of you who was counting on me to be in the show last night. Unfortunately a very ugly turn of events unfolded the night before.

At around 4am Sunday morning I was driving home from a club in Amityville. I was pulled over for going too fast in a 30 MPH zone and then arrested for DWI. I spent the next 36 hours in police custody. I was released early this afternoon.

It was the most humiliating and frightening experience of my life. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. I was forced to call my mother for bail money, and she went to my apartment to find me something to wear. While she was in my apartment she threw away all of my girl clothes. Obviously I could not stop her as I wasn't there at the time.

I sat in an ice-cold jail cell in makeup and nailpolish, shivering away. I neither slept nor ate during this time. At around 4am this morning I was shackled along next to unknown criminal offenders. I sat in the holding cell until around noon when the judge finally released me. My father was there (he had never before known about Lorna – this was a hell of a way for him to find out) and had to supply the bail as neither I nor my mother had it.

I have singlehandedly shamed myself, shamed my family, shamed all of my friends, and put an entire show in jeopardy. I let down everyone who wanted to see me take the stage. It is going to take me a very long time to forgive myself.

DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE – it’s been repeated over and over again. I have heard that phrase for almost 32 years. But I just didn’t listen. I thought that I was okay. But apparently I wasn't.

The only thing I ask is that you please spare me the lectures. I did something incredibly stupid despite all the warnings from others, and now I have to pay the price.

That's about it. I already feel myself getting physically sick from this whole incident. An entire family is outraged, and I am facing no end of hell right now.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 8:14 pm

Hi Lorna,

Wow. I'm kind of at a loss.

Ok, I won't lecture you. You have done all of the hard work. I'm so glad you're ok. So, so glad.

When all of this settles down, which could take a long time, you don't have to worry about hiding who you are in the same way you did before. That's kind of the only silver lining I'll be able to see until you reveal more that has come from this.

We all love you here and in many other places.

I feel so bad that you sat in a prison cell and had to be shackled with other criminals.

You are a good person. You're a loving and caring person. You are a loving uncle, son, grandchild and internet friend. I don't know where I would be without you.

Hopefully no one will lecture you, but just in case I promise to keep my eye on your thread to make sure it doesn't happen.

You are so brave for sharing this with us. Gawd! I'm so glad you're safe!

( ( ( ( ( ( Lorna ) ) ) ) ) ) )

Lovingly yours,
Beauty

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 8:56 pm

Wow Lorna No lecture here, that sure is one tough road for you.

*hug*hug*hug*hugs*

Cindy Michelle · Post by **Cindy Michelle** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 8:57 pm

Lorna,
You don't know me, but I have watched this forum for some time and always appreciate your posts for their sincerity, humor and insight. I don't know you personnally, but I am sure of the type of caring sincere person you really are. And if I can see this, don't you think your friends and family also see it?

Everyone on this forum, and throughout the society, has done something to embarrass themselves at one time or another. We all risk mistaken judgement daily,,,,,,,,and all of us have made a bad decision here and there. Time heals the emotions of all indiscretions. My experience is that excessive physical activity speeds my personal healing. Everyone heals at their own pace, but THEY DO HEAL. Our loved ones and real friends get over their 'hang ups', usually sooner than we think. We are normaly harder on ourselves than they are.

I've rambled enough, especialy for one who seldom posts. But I want to impress on you how much love and commradere your friends here and in your community have for you. Hang in there,

Cindy

CJ · Post by CJ » Mon Mar 29, 2004 9:10 pm

Lorna,

Love,
CJ

Jadeanne · Post by **Jadeanne** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 11:16 pm

Lorna,

After all everyone else has said, the only thing I can add is that you can add me to the list of forum members who feel sorrow at your misfortune.

I enjoy reading your posts. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jadeanne

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 12:01 am

Thanks so much girls... I really appreciate everyone's responses. I will admit that I am feeling a lot better, in other words I am thinking with a clearer head.

I wrote this note to myself in my personal journal just now:

Hey Rick,

Stop beating yourself up over what happened last Saturday. The police officers were relatively friendly and although the cell was cold and very uncomfortable you were relatively safe. Even when you were shackled in the group holding cell not a single other soul commented on your painted nails. It was a good idea to keep your fists clenched.

Plus, despite the circumstances in which your father had to find out about Lorna, he did say that you are a grown man and are still his son, and will support whatever you choose to do with your personal time, as long as you’re not breaking the law.

Plus, you have no prior alcohol-related convictions on your record WHATSOEVER. Your lawyer said that it was good that you did NOT agree to a blood test at the station Plus, the officer who gave you the breathalyzer never showed you or told you your BAC level.

Just hope for the best. Don’t worry. It is also a very positive thing that you have made the decision to give up alcohol once and for all. You’re also signed up for AA. By giving up the booze you are eliminating any possibility of any future possible disaster. And yes, this situation, as bad as it is, could have been much worse. But you WILL nip it in the bud right here, right now.

If you love Lorna, take good care of her. Do not allow her to enter any potentially dangerous situations. Look after her. Protect her. Keep her safe, healthy, and happy. Meaning: NO booze, NO cigarettes, NO drugs, NO unsafe sex. And make sure she eats healthy & gets exercise.

You say you need a vice? You’ve already GOT one… she is the ideal "quick fix" to help you unwind when life gets stressful. Her name is Lorna Taylor.

CJ · Post by CJ » Tue Mar 30, 2004 12:04 am

Yes, her name is Lorna Taylor. And many of us look up to her, still!

Love,
CJ

Alexandra · Post by **Alexandra** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 1:41 am

Good luck Lorna!

Gaven McLaren · Post by **Gaven McLaren** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 5:02 am

Lorna, I am so sorry for your experiance. What bothered me the most is that your mother threw away all of your "Lorna" clothes. I am not sure about you but if that were to happen to me I would be out a lot of money as some of what I own is leotards that for the most part cost me about $25 dollars each. Please let us know if you have sat your family down and talked to them about that night yet.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 6:34 am

Good morning Lorna!

That was a great letter to yourself. The best part that I saw what that you are going to go to AA.

I know of an AA group in Mineola that met next to my CODA meeting. Sometimes the people wouldn't go to the AA meeting and would come to the CODA meeting instead. This was over a decade ago, but I don't imagine it's changed because it was in the basement of a church. I can probably find the info if you'd like.

Therapy will help you resolve a whole lot of the problems because when in therapy we talk about our problems out loud. Another important thing is a sponsor. Someone you can call at any time day or late, late @ night and they are there for you to talk to.

Sponsors should be local, but if you ever need me I'll be there to listen as I'm sure almost everyone who shares here would.

Boy, you were fortunate with the arrest. Your lawyer is right this is going to be a tough one for them to prove now. One of the good things about good police officers (Andy of Mayberry types) is they can do things when people are cooperative that can get them off the hook. So who knows if the arresting officer saw that you were a nice person who may deserve a break. The officer had to follow the law, but there are things they can do to give you a break. God was with you and you were blessed. One get out of jail free card.

You're doing good here Lorna. Keep taking the steps to the healthy mind you have. You're going to do great.

Beauty

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I am officially ON the wagon.

I am officially ON the wagon.

Recovery