Hello everyone

[Sara W. (GG)]

Hello I am Sara. I am married to my husband for 12 years. When I met him he told me about the dressing but stated he was done with that. I believed him he sneakily did it when I was not home. About 6 months ago he said he needed to continue dressing.
I am trying to come to terms with it but it isn't easy. Originally I was very supportive and then my mother got
sick and died in Dec. Now I am trying to deal with both things and feeling like I am losing the war.
Thanks
Sara

[Anthony Simon]

Welcome, Sara. The sense is, with these two major blows to your life, you need to find some extra support for yourself. The one resource to come to mind would be to go to see a therapist who could help you deal with the welter of emotions you must be being subjected to.

Losing your mother, and so recently, must be really tough. Often the part SOs find hardest about the CDing is the loss of trust involved.

[Carol Ann]

Hi Sara and ,

Sorry about you looseing your mother , now my wife and I have been married 49 years and she just loved to help me dress up and go out together. She is so used to seeing me dress she doesn't think a thing about it, but now and again she will ask not to dress as she also loves her man .

I will tell you this she has told me many a time I am still the same loving man she married no matter WHAT cloths I am wearing and besides crossdresser make a better husbands and a kinder person.
Hugs Carol Ann

[DonnaT]

Hello Sara, to the forum.

Sorry for your loss. You need time to grieve, while not worrying about you husband's dressing.

Have you asked him to hold off while you do so?

Even though this CDing part of us never goes away, hopefully he can put it aside for a couple of months for you.

[KimberlyS]

Sara welcome to the forum.

Sorry for the loss of your mother. I lost mine almost a year ago this coming Easter.

Communication will get you and your hubby through both of these issues.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Sara, and again, welcome to the forum!


- SL

[Leeza]

Hi Sara and

I am sorry about the loss of your Mother.

[Anita]

Hi Sara--
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I lost mine some time ago, but I can still remember how it felt.
I'm with Donna; can you ask him to hold off, for a month or two? But I would make it a very specific amount of time, so that he knows exactly what he has to deal with. Ideally, you would have him hold off until you were ready, but this is a compromise situation, to get through a rough patch.

[Carly]

Welcome Sarah,

I agree that you should tell your husband you need some time. I have been in your husbands position. I really thought I could stop. It is not so easy. If he knows that there is a time limit he may be able to wait that long. He should be happy that you are at least willing to work on the issue. My wife (of 40 years) just said no. Our relationship was never the same. Hope you can give him a chance.

[Davita]

Hi Sara,

Again, sorry for your loss.

You hadn't explained why you were all supportive of your hubby, then not. That's a different headache to figure out later.

As others have said, you've got to be open with hubby and hopefully he will be appropriately supportive of your needs. In the same breath, if he's sneaking about while he's doing his best to support you, he's obviously struggling with his open issues. Work the compromise so both of you can get what you need.

[Paula G]

Welcome, I hope you will be happy and comfortable here, and that we can help you work through your (and your hubbies) issues

[EmilyAnn]

Sara, we're sorry for your loss.

May you find the comfort and strength you deserve.

[Stephanie H]

Welcome, Sara:
The lost of a trusted loved one leaves deep sorrow and great pain. Know that you are dealing with a heavy emotional issue and that it will take time for it to be not a burden for you. With your relationship with your SO please do not confuse the 2 different feelings. Ask that the crossdressning not be part of his life for a while but that you do understand his needs. Discuss his needs and your current wants and you will be able to accept both within s reasonal time frame.

[Sara W. (GG)]

just wanted to update

I was in therapy before my. Moms death. And I am continuing therapy. Husband and I did go out shopping with him in femme last Friday. It was fine I was a little afraid he would be read but it didn't happen. He is undressing most of the time and i am OK with that. We will be attending the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg in March so we are having fun shopping for that. I am more at peace with moms passing so life will go on as before. I have found out through therapy that I don't want to be married to a woman so he is assuring me he isn't going to transition. So many people we have met are and have been doing that and it is my biggest fear. Time will tell.
I organized a wives support group and it is going well. Thanks for listening. :-)

[Davita]

Sara,
Glad you two had the discussion. Yes, time will tell, but you have some control as long as you two keep a dialog going.

That support group you set up is a wonderful idea. Thank you. Thanks for the update too.