Wanting To Go Out En Femme

[Danielle R.]

That is some good advice Virginia I like the idea of a movie My first time I drove to the mail box to mail a letter I got out of my pick up. My heart was was racing so fast, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I remember there was a homeless guy walking up the side walk toward me. As I drove by him he give me a big smile I figured he just like the way I looked. After that I just drove around the city, no one looked twice at me.
I got back home, and I remember it was the most exciting thing I had ever done in my life. That was a long time ago, but I still remember my first time. After a while the excitement wears down and it just feels right. Just never let your guard down, be a ware of your surroundings. Just like GG do all the time

[Bernice]

Almost off topic, the other day at a public store, I saw a young lad walk briskly into the store by himself, well ahead of me. He was wearing one of those "utilikilts". I think. I'm not sure. I think his was pleated all the way around, and with more green than this example. http://www.utilikilts.com/index.php/kilts.html?color=25

Anyway, my point is that for him to wear something 99.9% of men would never wear, surely he had to find some inner courage to do that, at least the first time.

I didn't see him making eye contact, but I really didn't see much of him at all. He was gone in a flash. What I also didn't hear or sense was anyone else even noticing what he was wearing. That made me feel good.

If more people wore utilikilts, or dress kilts, or skirts and heels, in public, fewer people would notice when people wear such things. That would be a good thing. IMHO.

Hugs,

Bernice

[DanielleM]

I've reached a point in drab where I can stand in the middle of women's dept in the store without looking uncomfortable. I find if I just go about my business.. no one really notices. One thrift shop a women noticed but she just smiled at me as she left. Not sure what she was thinking but it didn't matter. I think if a SA came up to me, I would, at this point, just say, "my wife is around here somewhere".

[Martha G]

Thank you Rachel!

I make an attractive woman and have developed many feminine traits.

I also enjoyed being a woman as well! It feels so great!
Yeah! Let's go for it!

Let's go for the gold!

[Anne Bonny]

Sure...your already headed in the right direction with seeking to blend in and dress mainstream for women who are your age in current styles, and appropriate for where you plan to go.

Ok...next step...get in your car...even late at night or late afternoon and get on the road...make a trip to the drive through ATM or through a Drive through like Starbucks if you feel you are able.

Small steps that build your confidence will help you to over come you fear and your concerns. What you will find is no one can tell that you are not a middle aged woman behind the wheel...All they are going to get at a glance or at a distance will be read as a woman behind the wheel.

I have never had anyone read me any other way when driving. They will think they are seeing just another woman and that's it.

Go to the ATM...again no one even behind you in line are likely to notice or read you in any other way. They are not about to jump out of their car and run up and yell You're not a woman!!! Nope they are not going to think anything except I wish she would hurry up!

If you get a coffee through the drive up...yeah even odds of being made but again customer service in this day and age will only have them taking your change and handing you your coffee politely, or with a bit of a smile but they are not about to do anything which would get them in trouble for very poor customer service and possibly fired, probably just frowned upon by their boss in your presence if you even wanted to complain.


I recommend these as a good first step...

You know what you will be feeling on the way home once you have done this? "Wow! That was easy! I can easily do this again anytime because no one even noticed!" You will find all of your fears were completely bogus and unfounded. You will probably feel mad at yourself for letting these things keep you from doing what you have always wanted to do and as your confidence builds you can be a little bolder perhaps even enter a place of business dressed.

I am sure I have been made in the grocery store but no one made any faces or noticed or said much of anything, a few old ladies smiled at me and were friendly to me. No guarantee every time will be like that there are always bad people out there but can't let that stop you. You have to be confident in who you are, recognize and understand that in a very real sense you are a lady at times at least or feel like one, no harm in that. Go for it!

[ChrisG]

I am going to try and go out tomorrow. I have some female friends I like to hang out with. I hope it goes well.

[Tracey D]

Martha my dear, I struggle as well but find that sunglasses help. Guess I find when they can'take see my eyes, they can'take get into my head! Kinda like if I can't see them, they can't see me. Think about this for a moment....would you approach a complete stranger in public and call them out for...oh...being fat?...being ugly? Being badly dressed? Then why, sweet girl, would you think you would be called out? Don't think for a minute that I don't struggle with this as well, cause I do. Deep breaths and rationality will help. Most people don'the have the Cohones to do or say anything. If they do? Just walk away.

[Anne Bonny]

When I have been out...my limited number of times....so far I have not had any problem at all. I think if you are not appropriately dressed so that you fit in you are going to draw attention to yourself. So common sense and observation of other women have been my guide.

The fear in our head is much greater than the actual chance of having a "bad" experience. In daylight, in a crowd we may very well find ourselves amazed...I was that no one NO ONE even seemed to raise an eyebrow or to even notice me at all! Oh there was an old lady in a wheel chair who gave me a friendly smile, and when paying in the self check out there was another elderly lady behind me who was not concerned in the least.

I do fear going into businesses dressed though...will I be rejected and thrown out as an unsavory element they do not want in their store!? Hum...somehow I feel there is a chance of that...here in the deep knuckle dragging overly religiously influenced deep south...but it is probably more fear than an actual likelihood...we have human rights, LGBT is well known, people know about Transgender people, and people know we have as much right as anyone else to enter their business and shop. vs being sued over causing emotional distress and a denial of our rights and discrimination which any lawyer would likely win at the cost to the business of money, and a bad image in the paper.

I need to make progress myself...why not go to the mall in a dress when I go to Regis to have my hair done, or go to have a pedicure, or go to Walmart or payless (though the selection has not been that great of late). It would be nice to go shopping with real women who are friends and who are supportive of us.

It does not mean at some point I will not run into a knuckle dragger who will yell or comment something like "FAG!" would be the most likely thing but they are sexually insecure and ignorant...no probably stupid (hopeless). I think in a crowded public setting where any woman can go alone and feel very safe we may also feel the same in that an actual physical altercation would be most likely very unlikely and in today's world I bet people or someone would come to our aid as they would for any innocent person being assaulted. I think those are our worst fears and they are really a relatively low risk.

After that what? We see someone we know? Well it depends on your own confidence, I believe personally at this point in my life that would not bother me I would just tell them I am gender fluid or yes, I am transgenderd...have always been...what are they going to say? If they are our friends they will probably be more supportive with a little surprise, then probably complementary before saying bye...

Do we fear people will think of us from now on as women? or as effeminate? well, it's true mostly so there's nothing wrong with that. I am very feminine half the time and love to wear feminine things, and make up, and I am more gentle in manner and thinking. What when we see them and we are in male attire with our masculine gender flowing they will still think we are women and effeminate ... well what difference does that make? why should I care really because they are half right but if they are our friends they will come to understand sometimes we are in our masculine selves...

I suppose this is all therapy without a gender counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist...no need for going to that expense for a different perspective when we can see these different perspectives ourselves or learn them by talking with anyone. Only people with severe incapacitating problems need to seek professional help really and I do not consider my gender to be incapacitating for me or a problem that I am not able to handle I do not believe I would progress any faster paying lots of money than no money.

Thing is we have always been transgender or gender fluid or whatever but were raised and forced to conform to an idea of binary gender. All the social conditioning was piled on top of all of this layer upon layer as we were growing up...in the closet.... We are now nearly hard wired to conform...that is a huge amount of accumulated damage over years and years of life as we were forced to closet half of ourselves. Wow...is it any wonder we are having so much trouble working ourselves out from under it all...it is very hard but it is not impossible and I know I have made tremendous progress and that progress will continue until the day I die.

I am genderfluid, I see myself as a "gurl or womon" when my feminine gender is there....that is part of who I am, part of my identity and I want for myself no more or less pretty much the same of everything being a girl or a woman would entail. Being a male and masculine part time there is a limit but to the extent possible I seek to enter womonhood...and to be the same or identical to the extent it is possible. It is true surgery and hormones would enhance all of this but I would not be a genetic woman. Being gender fluid...well...just imagine you had implants and they were there and the only way to change that fact for yourself would cost you thousands of dollars, more surgery and recovery to reverse...So 24/7 you now have breasts which cannot be hidden even when as a fluid person eventually you might not want that when you are feeling masculine. So you need support, laying on your stomach is no longer as comfortable, whoever you are with and no matter where you go....Your breasts are there and quite visible under a feminine top because women's tops are specifically designed to fit other than baggy sweat shirts or shirts or under a coat. This is how I know surgery is wrong for myself I am I believe at least as masculine as I am feminine about half the time, if it were unbalanced so that I felt feminine most all of the time then surgery would be the right choice for me. Having ears pierced is a small small thing because many men do have pierced ears today...hormones can be dangerous but you can taper off of them...surgery is not as easily reversed. Off topic. sorry....

When we do go out into public though...fully dressed and feeling quite wonderfully feminine as the gender flows...it means we are making to everyone and before the world a permanent statement...This is who I am...at least sometimes and it's not something we can take back. Because this is who we are it is not possible to take any of it back anyway and I personally do not want to who wants to be cowering in fear in a dark secret closet space - not me. You do very much though have to truly know yourself fully and confidently without any shame or humiliation about it..why would or should you be if this is who you are...you are like the many wonderful women in your life sometimes and there is nothing there but a wonderful feeling and self assurance.

[Janet Bern]

I agree with Virginia's recommendations. However,
My first time was to Macys store in the morning. I wore flats
and clothes that reflected my age. As I walked through the store
just looking. I looked in a few mirrors to see if anyone took notice of me
Absolutely no reaction at all to anyone I passed or was next to.
Second time was at a bra boutique with my gg friend so she could
be fitted for a bra. As I waited and even next to other customers
no one felt I was not a woman. Later upon checking out the owner
said that she had no idea I was a man. I felt like I could do it any time and
any place. Went shopping and had lunch in TGI Fridays alone and used the
bathroom etc. Great day..

[Anne Bonny]

I love to come and post thoughts when they come to me saw this thread so... I believe you must be extremely confident that you know this is who you are as a person and that once that occurs and you start openly dressing quite a lot at home, with a widening network of people who know...then you are not far away from all of this becoming very real as you begin to actually tire of closeting yourself in the house you begin to let the neighbors see you, you begin to leave the house and go out because this is who you actually are and have always been. Many of us have struggled internally with all of this from a very early age. I believe I am nearly ready...the oven is about to ding. or I am about to be ripe for the picking.

I would advise people to look at that movie by Kristin Beck on netflix...or to consider Caitlin Jenner they are trail blazers, there are others. What they have in common with us is this lifelong internal struggle followed by the wonderful transition to openly living as the person you have always been out to the entire world and moving on with the rest of your life.