I'm Vain..and really good at it.

[Nicci]

On July 26, 2015 I bared my soul to my wife of 15 years, for no discernible reason, other than I had to.

I was shocked to be so loved and unconditionally supported, not realizing the many issues we would have to cope with, as I navigated my new persona. She cried secretly for weeks, and I quietly walked around her reassuring her of my love and compassion for her necessity to cope with an unwanted change in her life. It was hard.. for us both. She had learned she was losing her husband to another woman, and the life she had grown comfortable within, would be irrevocably pushed into new, uncharted Territory never even a glimmer on the Horizon of her map of life. For me, of course it was like finally getting the Pony you always wanted for Christmas. It was very difficult to NOT talk about the new doors opening within me, the research gleaned from others bold enough to take that "First Whole Step".

I realized she had just "lost" her Husband, and needed a period to mourn and adjust to the person she was now seeing become increasingly feminine, day by day. And, I want to be her "partner" and give her the benefits possible that I can achieve to make her comfortable with my persona, and invite her into the process as she was ready and able. It was a good decision on my part...a very good one.

August 21, 2015 dawned hot and humid. I got up and decided to pursue being the best I can be, at the person I have hidden inside me, and the one I will at some point become. I took down the numbers, dutifully noting them in my "special" book, and they were not pretty. So..I got to work on.

I'm 6'3 , tipping the scales that day at 247 pounds, with a waist of 41 inches. So...I mined the internet and devised a diet I could live with. I basically quit eating...especially all the necessary food groups, like steak, potatoes, pasta, Coca-Cola ( God..was that one tough ) everything fried, bread , ice cream and Biscuits and Gravy. Today I weigh 201 pounds, with a 35 inch waist , easily holding these numbers for the last 6 weeks.

I read on-line that Women smile more that Men. I confirmed it. It's actually a fact. I conducted "research" at three Airports, five Malls and the Ft Lauderdale Yacht Show. ( no, I did not buy one...) I grew up very poor, with bad teeth and Dentist visits as required for removal, no matter how often I brushed. So, I had 11 Caps, Crowns and Implants done one afternoon. I now have a really great smile. Could have bought a nice car for the price...but I do get a lot of smiles back. I now smile a lot. My wife says it's sexy...

I started buying clothes, on-line and carefully seeking the "necessaries". Found some really useful/effective lingerie for CD's and probably put a couple of the retailers put into a new Tax bracket. Then...I discovered "consignment" shops. I have a really nice wardrobe ( it's a work in progress) and my wife has "adopted" me, now buying me clothes and make-up and "girl stuff" ( I had no idea it was this much work...or expensive, to look feminine, cute and sexy) My Woman clothes now require larger closet than my Men clothes, and since I have slimmed so far, they don't fit me anymore, anyway. I have discovered that in replacing my wardrobe...I have bought "Girl Clothes" about 10 :1. Shoes...I'm 6'3 and still have big feet and hands, so shoes to fit are a real problem for me. Not for my Wife, however.

My wife has mined the internet and discovered almost a dozen Woman's shoe makers that cater to really big feet. ( that sounded terrible, huh...?) I learned a valuable lesson in the productive ensemble integration of Ladie's footwear. They make them for Girls. So....Girl high heels, are built on lasts and beds to support a maximum weight of 150 pounds. ( I talked directly to several designers/ manufacturers) Shoe manufacturers ( especially high heels) meeting the CD market, build them to the common shape of "Boy Feet" and with structural components to support 230 pounds. Color and style is discretionary.

I have started the "How to Walk Like a Girl" process, which is progressing well in spite of " on again- off again" ability to really devote my time and attention away from the demands of running a Company. I started the "How to Talk Like a Girl" lessons as a Christmas present, and have a lot of work to do to satisfy my very critical inner self. I started electrolysis in November and continue with carefully spaced visits targeting my face/ neck, abdomen/ chest, back, arms/hands. Yes...it does sting like Hell. But, I'm vain. So a little pain now, will make me a lot "happier" tomorrow.

I have been seeing a "Counselor", who has a widespread reputation for assisting CD'ers and Trans-Gender people. I talk...he listens. He talks, I listen. I pay him. He smiles. I smile back, and walk out the door. Don't know if I am "making progress", but I feel better about who I am and why I am so compelled to take this path to personal enlightenment...and for me, that is exactly what it is becoming.

I do know this....

When I wake up in the Morning now, I am happy. When I navigate my day as a Man, a large inner part of me sings songs of recognition. When I "dress" as the Woman within, I find myself with a strong inner Peace , a smile on my lips, and love in my Heart. I search for my future, by jealously living my today.

When I am dressed, and the real "me" in Heart, Body, and Soul, I feel ....Complete.

And tomorrow, is another day.

I hope your's is a happy one, and not a burden to be managed.


Nicci



*** Post edited to insert spacing between paragraphs (that makes it so much easier for everyone to read!), as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Kelly]

I am glad you are happy when you wake up in the morning. Everything else doesn't matter.

Peace,
Kelly.