Who really notices and do they care?

[Tracey D]

After responding to a recent post, I thought it might be interesting to get everyone's thoughts on who really notices if you are a crossdresser. ..and who really cares? I find that I get noticed at times but nothing ever comes from it except me getting nervous over nothing. Any thoughts out there?

[Davita]

Tweens and younger seem to have a radar about us. Otherwise, I stopped worrying or even noticing who notices or not. As you said, nothings come of it. You will run into fun times when you're all prettied up and ask the waitperson for an alcoholic drink and get carded. Other fun times is having to produce ID for a purchase or whatever.

I used to get read about 1/2 the days I was out I figure. Now I don't know. Once in awhile I get told I look pretty good, but we can't judge ourselves, really.

[Emily]

I find that I get noticed at times but nothing ever comes from it except me getting nervous over nothing. Any thoughts out there?

My thoughts: I think that one day soon, I need to get out and find out for myself what all the fuss (or lack thereof) is all about, LOL!

Does anyone notice? Is there anything to worry about? Does any one really care? I hope that one day, I will be able to offer up answers to these questions, but I've been too nervous, scarred and worried to really try...

[Noeleena]

Hi,

You don't have or need to be a dresser to get noticed, In fact many dresser,s wont be noticed because they have taken the time or had their makeup done so well that nobody would know if the person was male or female ,if on the other hand a male does not have makeup done and just looks like he would be as normal male then he would .

This of cause is about facial features I know because mine are more male ish,

of cause in my favour is being so well known and involved with others that its not an issue ,
Of cause do you wont to be known ,
an interesting point for myself is a guy asked me did I like getting dressed in Edwardian clothes and acting as a woman for our group so I said yes I like dressing in our clothes with the group , just the difference is I am a female not a dresser as such and then it dawned on him I am a female just he thought as he studied my facial features thought I was a male so I was able to explain my difference from birth ,

And even when I'm talking to 100,s of people I don't find the issues I have are issues of rejection its more oh....your just a normal female and like many others plus strangers don't worry , to them and theres many different subjects we can talk about and that does not include my background , its just normal natter life cars work or what ever comes up.

mind you I do PR work so I,m used to going up to people and start the conversion ,

So really its not how I look its how I interact with others and that makes the difference of being accepted Oh, she,s just a normal female / woman , what if I wear work clothes that are more male heavy work boots and gear , ya okay I,m a builder , its still noeleena ,,

How do you approach people do you talk normaly and just be your self oh your wearing womens clothes so .... big deal so what ...oh that's a lovely skirt / dress you,v got on ? where did you get it ...okay ,how you present your self and the attitude you show others and how you interact with others goes a long way to how you are accepted .

At our Youth Orchestra we have 23 members and two young girls 4 and 6 their Moms bring them along and most of the time they stay with me and I just treat them as my own and if one is not feeling well or a bit put out she comes to me for a hug so does the other one I'm just a Mom to them and a friend for me that's normal and other kids do the same or come out with me , why because they wont to be around me and with me .

I wonder to be real how do you show your self in real life hey and kids are so neat they see in you something and they know and have no fear being around you ,
now apply that to adults then youll see what I mean .

To walk around a Mall or shoping complex and not talk to others to me is strange right , so you go into shop,s and say Hi its been a lovely day and have a conversion well I do

Spos I take an interest in others and just be myself around people ,

...noeleena...

[Janet Bern]

I believe that 90 percent of people don't notice you are a CD and
about 1 % spot you as one. That is if you do your best to blend and
not just throw on a dress.

[Anne Bonny]

I am beginning to think passing is not really all that important in this day and age if we look nice and fit in people will give us a pass because people are more aware, it is no longer that unusual, and differences are more accepted. We are cowed by irrational fear that is in our head. Thing is If we see someone we know, or if people make assumptions...we cannot read their thoughts and none of that matters anyway. I mean my gender is partially feminine why should it bother me that people are finally seeing who I really am inside...and if they get to know me sometimes they will see me mowing my grass or working on something seated on the male side of my gender, or sailing, or out around town too. If people see us they will figure out...Oh...feeling feminine today...OK, "Hi how's it going, want to go get lunch?"

[Eileen (SO)]

Long before I knew cross dressing was so common, every now and then, I'd see a questionable woman. Nobody likes to be embarrassed by making a wrong assumption on a stranger's gender, so if you are dressed as a woman, a woman you are.

Tracey and Lexi, most of your fear is in your head. Get all dolled up the best you can without going overboard and walk with confidence. Unless you look really hot, or obviously a man, guys will ignore you.

Other women will either ignore you, that's good, or give you a smile. That smile may mean 'hello' or 'I know you're really a guy, but look good enough, welcome to the sisterhood.'

Most people don't care or notice and still don't care. Venture out where people are, but you don't have to interact. Mall window shopping, a library, or just driving around.

Eileen

[Harry]

I think a lot depends upon age, the older I get the less people take notice or even look. Now I've reached the age where I don't care if they do.

[Emily]

...so if you are dressed as a woman, a woman you are.

What a great statement, Eileen!

Tracey and Lexi, most of your fear is in your head. Get all dolled up the best you can without going overboard and walk with confidence. Unless you look really hot, or obviously a man, guys will ignore you.

Before joining this board, I never really thought about "the fear" or about going out much at all really - always just an "at home" CDresser. BUT I want to - and I know I will one day. Although I think I'm going to have to wait until fall... Summertime is too hot, LOL!! Unless the perfect opportunity presented itself, I think I'd just feel more comfortable under an extra layer or two...

Most people don't care or notice and still don't care. Venture out where people are, but you don't have to interact. Mall window shopping, a library, or just driving around.

Very good advice. One last point: I have been trying to put together a "first time out plan" for awhile now. It keeps changing - but a place where there is little interaction is a must. I'm thinking something as simple as the grocery store or something like that!

[Eileen (SO)]

Lexi, cooler weather seems easier to get out in public. Longer sleeves and less sweat. Dusk comes earlier to sneak away from home.
Hubby rarely goes out during the summer months. That must be frustrating to dress only at home for several months after being out and about. The big sissy claims it's too hot to wear a bra!

Eileen

[Janet Bern]

As usual.. Eileen is right on the money

[Ralitsa]

Almost nobody cares.

There are a few who notice, not many but a few. Everyone is right that it all depends on how much effort one takes to blend in. Sometimes I spend quite a bit of effort, and other times, well..... I'm not going to say. But I'll say that there are dozens of times I was wearing a dress and people addressed me as "Mr. nnnnnnnn" without batting an eye.

I prefer to be addressed as "Ms nnnnnnn" but if I don't do my part then it's my own fault. At any rate, if they are polite about it then it makes no difference. Really I only require people to be polite and respectable, I'm not especially interested in their opinions.

Oh, and the warm weather is perfect for wearing a light dress. Too hot for a bra?? even in Saudi Arabia I wore one though I'd have been shot if anyone found out! It's too hot for a 3 piece suit I'd say, but never too hot for a nice summery outfit even though that includes a bra.

Well I do like wearing a nice comfy sweater dress and tights in cool weather, but the warm weather is great for getting out in a light skirt and top. I just don't think I'd be happy getting stuck wearing something I like only for a few days out of the year.

[Nicci]

Wow, this is really interesting...
I'm vain, and really good at it...so my personal perception is that I DON'T actually look like a "girl", especially noticing "things" that make me look different...( try big hands and feet...)and I don't want to look like a "Dude in a Dress". So, I have spent a lot of time and money to alter my wardrobe and appearance to look "feminine". (and about to take this appearance thing up to another level) After a lot of consideration, I recently took the plunge into "Public" for the first time. I spent hours in prep, and dressed "professionally" for a lunch "out". Alone...at a nice restaurant. I had a wonderful time, was treated very well and "noticed" by a few men who smiled and a few women who did not. I lingered, enjoying the freedom and personal liberation, not wanting to end the event. Since then, I have started going out of the house on errands etc, often. I have found (I live in Florida) that if I am "well dressed" I am treated very deferentially...with respect and sometimes even maybe admiration. ( for some reason Highschool/College guys seem to want to talk/flirt to/with me.) I have also learned that "accessories" make the difference. Correct femme' voice, nails, makeup, purse, jewelry etc, make the whole person more believable. But really...I'm now convinced that my apprehension was mostly fear of the unknown. Except for highschool age girls ...people just look at me in passing and go on with their business...or I get an appraising look and smile, and the guy's wife slugs him. Sometimes, I get whistled at. Got to be the "walk"...or maybe the long hair.
Oh...and I have found a few notes from men under the wiper on my car, asking me to call them to get acquainted. I am now pretty convinced that people see what they want to...whatever the view may be.
Nicci

[Carol Ann]

I have to agree with your hubby Eileen, now I understand why women go braless

[Pam T.]

I get second looks once in awhile but for the most part I am very passable when I dress but sometimes I will get those looks but I think for the most part nobody even cares.