Do we seek escape because we find our gender does not fit?

[Anne Bonny]

New thought...we have them every morning after coffee don't we? Well this is one that came to me yesterday. Women's clothing, everything they wear is made to fit their body as men's clothing is made to fit a man's body. No shocker, I mean of course! Why are we so fascinated and so driven with such a compelling desire to be women and to wear their clothing? I have found after a while the novelty wears off...what I find is clothing is in the end clothing! There is a novelty to the soft silky pretty colorful variety of women's clothing that feels like a dream when worn. We feel so wonderful. Yes being a man is incredibly boring! Their clothing is functional and monochromatic and made of materials like cotton and denim or flannel and wool and the colors are solid or striped or whatever. Men's clothing is very sturdy and is also comfortable unless you are in a dress shirt with a tie and a coat that does not give as much. It can also be hot and uncomfortable but...we can change to a tee shirt or something more comfortable.

Just as our day to day monotony of our humdrum days roll on endlessly... being the gender that proceeds down the priority items of our checklist concentrating on one task at a time accomplishing that and moving on to the next...solving problems, accomplishing tasks, thinking creating, fabricating, producing, managing and working toward goals as we tend to be goal driven. We make decisions confront problems and optimize outcomes no matter what comes. It can be tedious and can from day to day become dull, dry, barren...so endlessly boring. We have the stress of carrying the burden and of leading and protecting, being responsible for producing an income to support our families. It can be stressful and hard.

Men are less emotional, we are brooding, matter of fact, serious, with our mind on work, action. Men of course can experience emotion but we are not permitted the range afforded to women or we are conditioned to feel we are being unmanly. I frequently wanted to be held by my wife who would become rather angry at me because I suppose traditional men are never to feel sad, or insecure, or desire someone to hold them and tell them it will be alright. I came to conclude that men are not allowed to have emotions. We are to be hard and unfeeling rocks no matter what comes at us our only thought is to be strong, assess and take appropriate action and to comfort and to provide for and to protect our wives and family but we are never to feel anything we are to be little more than a strong wall withstanding whatever comes with no feelings allowed to us at all, Our job is to be a mountain, a rock and to comfort others because as men we have no emotions and therefore we never need any comforting or reassurance because we are men. Real Men have no emotion, we are dependable and take action and that is it!

Perhaps in some way we look to the other gender and desire something different. I suppose at some level that could be partly true...suddenly the burdens of being a man can fall away and we enter another world that seems to us lighter, colorful, full of emotions not normally allowed to us. We can ask for help, we can yield to someone else who is stronger physically, emotionally, more intelligent and be safe, loved, and protected, desired. Most importantly we are allowed to feel and to experience emotions, doubts, insecurities, fears, sadness, we can desire the same things women desire.

If I have these feelings inside of myself....am I am man!? Perhaps my gender is feminine it is certainly not fully male as I was raised. Real men are unfeeling dependable emotionless rocks but I am not this way on the inside, on the inside a very real part of who I am is as women are.

If gender is arbitrary, are the emotional differences between men and women also arbitrary constructs of society that are conditioned into us!? If this is so is this the reason we have such a strong desire to flee into the world of women and into what is the exclusive realm, into the emotional freedom of women, into their unbounded freedom of dress and of being allowed to exist as they do in this world.

We recognize we are not the monolithic, monochromatic, emotionless rocks we are told we are supposed to be as men. We recognize inside ourselves our experience, our feelings and emotions are much the same as the women who surround us and we strongly desire to flee into the gender which more closely resembles who we feel that we are inside of ourselves. We recognize what we feel is something men are not supposed or even allowed to feel or to show or we are labeled as being unmanly we are to be a pressure cooker and are to hold all our emotions on the inside but can never ever reveal them or we are to feel shame if we do.... Geeze! That is certainly not who I am or can ever be If I do not show my emotions I would explode!

It is true in time the novelty of women's clothing wears off, a woman's day to day humdrum can become even for them a routine that can be rather dull and boring...but I bet their boring is better than that of any man.

Yes The existence of both genders can become a drudgery of boring day to day...clothes are clothes....But if how we really feel or are on the inside indicates the gender we are then by the arbitrary constructs I do not fit the male gender assigned to me and desire the other. The clothes are just a side benefit but they fit our unbounded emotion if we are feminine. Hum... thoughts?

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Men don't cry , men are strong , men don't show emotion, men are meant to be rock,s men are meant to be in control,

men do cry , men are not allways strong ,men do show emotion , men are not rock,s and men are not in control.

I know some men who cry and good reason too, in fact they are quite soft, quite lovely to tell the truth,
I know many men who can not do what we do in fact to get them to work hard out they cant, quite weak in fact I can out pace them and out work them ,

Emotion , Oh I love this one , I know one leader who brought a Nation together I watched this guy he was so full of it very powerfull stuff ,

A man who is a rock yet stand,s on sinking sand he may appear to be rock hard yet is and can be so soft so kind and giving, ,

Men like to think they are in control or use brute force to get their own way. who rules in the bedroom a woman will bring a man down very quick and then who,s in control.

men have been put in control by other men and whats the underlying factors for doing so most time greed power and might to gain control over others,

Im not so sure gender is the issue , you could well be right though, to excape from what ,

in genral form your self because the work load is too much or your stressed out or sick of being you as a person ,

Can I take this back to , look at no clothes nothing worn just you stand there with nothing on how do you feel then what goes through your mind .

do we still have insecuretys do we have moments of do I look right and when I stand next to another female do I have the same beauty she has is her body shape similar to mine am I pretty and sexy, should we compare our selfs to each other. ,I,v done it and do and yes we talked about it and what was the same between us ,I,v looked at many other women to find my flaws or what I think is not right with myself = body, this of cause comes down to will a man look at myself and say can we be together, am I desirable to him in all ways that I should be as a female .

Some of what you said is all so true of us, and I know what its like to be in control to not cry and stop my emotions be a rock and be in command of what I had to do. was I weak yes many times I did not know what to do and in others I had to be incharge of others,

And after sit down take time out and crash, I was gutted use every bit of strength I had till I really hit the deck so I do know what its like yet the next day after sleep food drink and a wash / shower, face the next day and carry on. you know what , I know we are tramed the weaker sex yet we have to be very strong in so much men may not see it or see us when we hit the ground and struggle to get up,

are we the same as men or can we, in many aspects I,v had to take that place of men , and later just crash hey we still struggle just the same as men ,just we are more open and >>>TALK<<< about it to others many other women because we understand our selfs better .

I know my fail points lots of, so clothes just do it for us,?? we confide in each other maybe theres that difference we have as females men don't or may not have,

I will say my Emotions are real and youd see that when you talk with me ,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Yeah...another one of my nutty hair brained ideas. But! little boys do get this conditioning and socialization shoved right down their throat so that part is quite true! "Big boys don't cry" we are supposed to suck it all up and be strong and many men later in life due to this pressure cooker of holding everything inside do wind up sometimes with various health problems....ulcers, hypertension, heart attacks from the stress.

The men who are hyper masculine probably believe all of this much more. I have recognized I do not fit this mold society tried to put me into because I just do not fit! I am not a crier...but I will still be strong and protective of women yet I am emotional, moody, sensitive, soft hearted, caring, patient and considerate of others to a very great extent yeah people over my life have said I am a very nice person, rather hear that than something else. But I have my limit once I am past it look out after enduring a lot I will have made a decision and will be on the warpath.

I get these wild hairs and I am off. I do feel I am a little too soft to be in the male camp much of the time...the feeling that I just do not fit where I am supposed to.

[DonnaT]

My transness is closer to the CD side of the scale than the TS side of the scale. Thus, my feeling with respect to clothes is still similar to my early years.

I reckon the closer one is to the TS side of the scale, the less the infatuation with the cloths. However, that's a generalization, as everyone is different. Many women have an infatuation with the clothes. Again, everyone is different.

[Lacey Hadley]

As a cross dresser, now of a middle age I have battled often with the why's of being one. Notably as a teen, and young adult, this along with that era caused me internal battling between my "ugh, me man"... regular dude type guy and my affection for dressing in female clothes. As I grew into an adult life my cross dressing was becoming more than my quietly and often feeling embarrassed (thought that feeling was a bit of a taboo type thrill too) buying pantyhose, tights and panties. Yes, it was an emotional release and a sexual release to then put on said purchased clothes. Once I got married I figured my desire to cross dress would fade away. For the first year or so it more or less did. Young love, new wife, new adventures and new stresses took my mind away from cross dressing.

But as time passed by and life became more normal and marriage a daily thing, my cross dressing and feminine side began to come forth again. I in secret was able to try on my wife's clothes that fit me well enough. I know, I know it was wrong to put on her clothes, the ones that could more or less fit, while I did this behind her back, but I was in no position to buy a secret stash for myself. I was incapable of telling her about my cding side too. This also let me go from just dabbling in panties, pantyhose and tights. I could put on half slip and a dress or a skirt could snuggle on to my frame. Her heels were too small but I could dangle them off my feet and imagine walking in them. I 'd observe here doing her make up daily and began to wish to do the same. But while married all of this could not be except as I said in secret. I felt bad about doing such but I felt a need to let my cding and feminine side out. As years passed my sanity would have been obliterated if I could not dabble in cding.

This said after my divorce, many struggles of such were in my life. Time blunted many of these struggles and my cding moved from really just panties, pantyhose, tights and a slip or two. Soon I was able to buy my own high heels first mail order and later online. I began to buy female clothes at brick and mortar stores and through the Sears catalogue, today one can add online for its ease. Dressing more fully became an ever deeper emotional release and yes still at times sexual. Stepping into high heels that fit me was so much fun and made me feel even more feminine when dressing up. The real kickers though were buying my first wig and building up a cosmetics collection. The wig with a feminine outfit was an OH MY GOD! moment. All thumbing my first makeup work was also so exciting though looking back at the few pics I took back then is now kind of funny. Today with experience and all the info online I am much more proficient with make up and my cross dressing is world apart from my teen and young adult days. Though I still partial dress while in drab because it feels good and lets the girl in me emotionally ride just behind the regular dude in me. But now when I dress fully I feel so feminine, sexy, powerful in those two ways and vulnerable too. It is amazing to me how stepping into a pair of heels is so powerfully sexy and feminine, but also has me feel a bit vulnerable... Odd I say. The only times in my daily life where I feel near 100% at ease is when I am fully dressed, clothes, shoes/boots, accessories, wig and makeup. I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN! and I love it at those times.

In drab as a normal guy I feel as most any males do. I'm not some low brow, knuckle dragger, but I am comfortable as a male with all life stresses we all take on. I am a more traditional male and as such wish/prefer for women to be more traditional too. I am into all too many guy things, cars, aviation, military, many sports, motor sports, guy type movies, hobbies, as such on hobbies and my affection for the US Constitution and Bill of Rights, if I were an American I'd be an avid gun owner and supporter of the NRA. I could be a gun owner in Canada too but it's not quite the same here with our law and regs. That said it's not too lawfully hard to own long arms here, so maybe one day. Anyways, add my typical guy attitudes with other people but always with due respect towards others if they earn it and return it.

En femme, I am not a TG'er. I do not feel I need to live as a woman. I am a cross dresser who has a soft side and a feminine side. I just feel better about myself when I let my feminine side out and celebrate the joy of dressing up. Too many years of beating myself up and too much pain over such. Cross dressing in part and in full as Lacey is a part of me but not all of me. It is my biggest stress reliever and also a unique pleasure. Fully dressed as Lacey brings out a bit of a narcissistic side in her and in wanting to plan out my outfits to wear and my make up plans, all with the ease of digital photography to take photos to then enjoy seeing me as Lacey from a third party POV and to see how well I put together an outfit and my make up and hair look. Like most women do and enjoy to do to also see how they look in a mirror, so too does Lacey but also in photographs.

So cding and Lacey is a part of me but is not who I want to live fully as. She is my escape so to say.

[Stephanie M]

For me it's a great escape from reality, it also is an expression of part of who I am. Part of me is female, and part of me is male.

[Anne Bonny]

Wow. So interesting to hear what you have all shared here. I do feel on a scale that runs from CD to TS I would probably fall into the middle range because it is more for me than clothing as I have said.

Yes, I am on my guy side, have been for a couple days well except for my glossy red toe nails inside my socks and running shoes which should last a two or three months before I am due for a redo...smooth hairless legs... sleeping in a nightgown and panties at night seems to have become how I sleep now...used to be a t shirt and briefs as my father did following his rather military example we were never pajama and robe wearers with slippers... we got up and got dressed. Now I will change in the morning back into my t shirt and briefs because I do my push ups and sit ups and I don't want to put any sweat and wear into my panties.

I also do have my guy interests but because I have been a sole caregiver for 8 years, my wife has Alzheimer's and is now bedridden I have not been able to do any of it Sailing, riding in my sports car, skim boarding, but I do jog and walk the dog, have to be fit. I may watch football on occasion if there is a team I want to watch but no other sport really. Used to watch the America's cup back when they were racing actual sailboats, not hydrofoil catamarans...they ruined the sport.

I too am a rather traditional male in some ways but a traditional woman is never going to fully accept me as her partner because she will fully expect me to fulfill the complete male role in our life and that...I would just be unable to do all of the time. She would tolerate and place extreme limits on half of who I really am as a person, I cannot live a life with anyone who would want to do that to me. She will have to love me no matter who I am in all areas of our life. I would never expect her to be anyone but who she is but she will have to never expect me to be anyone but who I am either. She should always be thrilled to have me, always because I have always been thrilled to have my wife and with any future partner it will be the same way for me. I may never be able to find such a woman but I will never ever compromise half of who I am for anyone, are they going to do the same for me?

I do flow to the male...but miss the female when I am over here waiting for her to return, for the desires and feelings to return. The male for me is an absolute zero...I am in the clothes...comfort fine...and I carry on with the mundane tasks I have to accomplish...

[care by the numbers now...(care by the numbers does guarantee a set standard a good quality of care but I am so burned out anymore...clean up, brush teeth, wipe face and hands, feed, give medications, make comfortable...4 sessions per day with checking several times inbetween but anymore it is busting rocks for me) all as years of my life have been drained away from me, I do resent it all bitterly but it is not my wife's fault there was nothing either of us could do it just happened and I have been forced to confront reality and deal with it to optimize the best outcome possible for us until she eventually succumbs to the ravages of her condition and I am once again able to resume my life, for now I have no life I am truly incarcerated and not able to enjoy any of it not with a ball and chain around my ankle, I am not an 80 year old invalid I am relatively young and in fantastic shape and fully funded so that I could were it not for my wife's condition be out enjoying a very high quality of life, vacationing, going places meeting women and having fun. So yes there is very real bitterness and anger but not toward my poor wife who very much wanted to live and loved life.]

Right the male is just baseline dry boring everyday functioning and carrying on.