Dressing and being out in public

General talk about CD/TGing and gender topics that aren't necessarily fun things we do while en femme, or for gender-driven discussions.

Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn

User avatar
Lacey Hadley
Miss Emerald Goddess
Posts: 219
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 4:24 am
Location: Greater Vancouver, Canada

Dressing and being out in public

Post by Lacey Hadley »

I've been watching some crossdresser's Youtube videos and between admiring some for their look, style and courage I also began to think about blending in and/or standing out.

Many of the Youtubing CD'ers do tend to over dress when out in public today as compared to many GG's especially in North America, though it does look as if in Europe and in Asia genetic girls can still be seen better dressed when out. So yes CD'ers may over dress compared to many GG's in daily wear today but I think it is because the very formal, sophisticated and sexy look we CD'ers often give is because we want to be very feminine and sexy. When I dress I do not want to wear t-shirt and sweats or similar. WHY BOTHER DRESSING if I'm going to wear clothes that many males sort of wear? Of course you will still see GG's nicely dressed and about even in daytime especially career girls who may be out shopping on their way home from work or on a lunch hour etc. At night and out on the town GG's will often be seen more sexy and femininely dressed if they are night clubbing, at nice restaurants or at shows etc. So in evening a CDer can dress herself up more and not be so standing out. Though it's hard for some of us as most of us are taller but not as much today as many GG's can be tall today. Add the fact we tend to love heels only makes such more so but meh it's fun to strut in heels.

But I recall growing up and observing my mother, other lady friends of hers and neighbours, plus what I saw on t.v. and in movies. Women dressed better even in day time outings. My mother and many of her peers wore dresses (day dresses), pantyhose and even dressy shoes even out and about in daytime. Not always 4+ inch spikes, but as a child of the 70's and 80's I recall seeing many women wear wedge or block heeled sandals and pumps. Some wore lower spikes or kitten heeled pumps too while out shopping and daytime socializing. If not wearing a day dress, they'd wear a button down blouse and nice slacks or even a pantsuit. At night and out my mother and her peers would always been done up in a dress, blouse & skirt or a dressy pantsuit and yes in heels. Maybe not always 4+ inchers, but still in heels.

A CDer if more socially acceptable back then would have fit in better by the way many of us like to dress when we dress as girls. Today IMO by what one sees on Youtube or if you spot a CDer in life they are some of the most femininely dressed people out and about today.

I'm not saying GG's should be all dressy and such to the many of us CDer's enjoy. But it is IMO sad that many I/we see today are often dressed as if they just rolled out of bed or fell out of a BFI bin. I mean it's your right to dress as such and yes many male dress like hobos today too. But I mean fer gawd sake many gals go out in P.J.s today ..OO..

I have lived and worked most of my life in serving/selling to the public I dressed as a male very proper and professionally. First impressions count and I felt better about myself. I dress properly even just out and about as a male.

My mother and her friends and peers would never leave the house without looking proper and as a lady. My ex-wife was the same. One thing I loved about her was she'd never go out looking like a chewed up rag doll. ***()***
The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities. Ayn Rand
User avatar
KimberlyS
Site Administrator
Posts: 3341
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:01 pm
Location: North Central USA, SD

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by KimberlyS »

Lacey I agree, if I am going to be out and about enfemme I want it to be in feminine attire. I am usually out and about in a skirt, sometimes in a dress. But to be in a more blending attire, there are a lot of casual skirts out there. you do not need to dress to the nines. I wear a lot of casual maxi skirts and denim skirts with a casual to dressy casual top when I am out and about. Some times I my attire is more dressy espcially if i go to church first or just on a Sunday. There seems to be a few more gals dressed up on Sundays for church and then they go shopping so figure can dress up more also. Some times think I may dressed up to much as I have had the SA's say several times that I am always dressed up looking so nice.

My thoughts in general to dress to blend but also dress feminine. Figure I am on the more dressy and feminine end of the blending attire when I am out and about.

IMHO the biggest thing is to enjoy.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt
Site Administrator

I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
Martina Hall
Miss Golden Goddess
Posts: 551
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 6:21 pm
Location: Small-town middle U.S.

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Martina Hall »

Going out in heels feels like wearing a sign " Look at the tranny!" Women rarely wear them, unless going to church, or a wedding. Like you said, why bother dressing if everybody, male and female, dresses like a hippie hillbilly?
I wear heels when I step out anyway. If they can't take a joke....you know what.
I AM my own hot girlfriend.
Emily
Miss Platinum Goddess
Posts: 420
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:20 am

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Emily »

I couldn't comment on this post when it originally appeared, but now having been out a few times, I feel that I can add my two cents...

But its nothing that really hasn't been said before - just dress to blend in. I do see all sorts of faux-pas out there, but for the most part, I find that women do dress very nice. This is what I try to do... nothing over the top. Skirts are knee length, tops are feminine, but conservative. I try not to draw too much attention to myself... I try to present myself as womanly as possible, just another lady out and about.

I wouldn't say I dress better than most women out there, but somewhere among the average - at least this is my perception anyways, LOL! Without anyone to suggest, help or comment on clothing choices, I just have to rely on my own best judgement and hope its at least somewhat half convincing! :P
Estefania
Miss Platinum Goddess
Posts: 390
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 12:42 pm

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Estefania »

I guess many of you may be a bit young to remember when the movie "Urban Cowboy" came out.

Dressing up like a cowboy was in full rage. People who had never been near a cow or a horse were out there buying expensive boots and hats and belt-buckles, and listening to country music, drinking beer, etc. Just the stereotype of what cowboys would wear and do.

Did that make them cowboys? If their hat had more "XXXX" than the others, were there more of a cowboy than a real cowboy?

Now, while it is true that both men and women tend to "dress up" less to go out and about with their daily chores, when it comes to dressing in a "feminine way", I think we have a similar thing as with the cowboy effect. A real cowboy can wear whatever they please and they are still a cowboy, they know they are cowboys, people know they are cowboys even if wearing a tux, etc. Women don't need to dress in a feminine style to know/feel who they are.

Yes, I wish they all would wear heels and dresses all the time. But... how many of us have been out 16 hours straight wearing 5" heels? I know that I haven't. I know that whenever I plan to be out all day long I make sure I carry some flats in my purse because my feet are going to be killing me after some hours. Hosiery is lovely, but after many hours those tight-highs can start falling off, etc. Ever seen photos of female celebrities when caught early in the morning by the paparazzi? Surprise! many gorgeous and sexy women we always see in beautiful feminine dresses and heels are out there running errands with no make up, flip flops and yoga pants (or pajama bottoms) and hair a mess.

I guess I should add a disclaimer. I don't think anybody is less or more of a woman because they are more or less feminine. Femininity is a society construct after all. Us crossdressers usually embrace everything society deems as feminine because that is as close of being a woman that we can get. (And the disclaiming part, if you are a tg/ts, I get it, you are not trying to look like a woman, you are already a woman (any percentage or position on a scale you want to put yourself into)).

It would be interesting to see if given the chance to live FT as a woman, say, 30 days (Full time, 24/7) how long it would be before a CD would start making more "comfort vs elegance" attire choices. In other words, if you were going on a quick run to the store at 10am on Sunday hurrying to come back because your child was sick (change child for pet if you don't have/want kids) how many would opt for the full make up/jewelry/dress/heels.

Gaby
User avatar
Carole Hill
Miss Sapphire Goddess
Posts: 83
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2014 1:00 pm
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Contact:

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Carole Hill »

Hi Lacey,

Your post could have been written by me as you expressed my sentiments exactly. The women of my youth and even into my 30's and 40's would never have gone out in public looking like a majority of today's women.

I also agree that we CDs that wish to be out in public must try to dress in a manner that is not too attention grabbing or outrageous. Frequently, I am the only "woman" wearing a skirt when I am out but I am also not wearing high heels. Even if I am wearing slacks I try to look nice -- makeup, jewelry, hair, accessories, etc. CDs also need to remember that a taller, larger woman will always attract more attention than a smaller woman.

A few years ago I attended a Xmas concert put on by a professional group. The men were all wearing tuxes and the women were wearing long black dresses. One woman (whom I knew) and I were the only ones not wearing pants. A few had on a nice sweater.
Nearly all - men and women - were "comfortable casual". SAD!
Hugs, Carole
Estefania
Miss Platinum Goddess
Posts: 390
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 12:42 pm

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Estefania »

Carole Hill wrote: I also agree that we CDs that wish to be out in public must try to dress in a manner that is not too attention grabbing or outrageous.
Hello Carole.

While in general I agree to your statement, I think it needs to be said that this is true mostly IF the CD wishes to be out in public is trying to pass as a woman. There are more than a few who go out with different motivations/goals.

Gaby
Eileen (SO)
Moderator
Posts: 1082
Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:29 pm
Location: Near Chicago

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Eileen (SO) »

Since a majority of CD's/TG's don't have the physical body or facial features to look feminine. A little extra effort may change your appearance from a dressed up dude to a less attractive woman.
Even if 'read', the effort to look your best as the venue calls for, will gain acceptance.

Eileen
Not only a wife, a girlfriend too!
User avatar
Noeleena
Miss Platinum Goddess
Posts: 409
Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 5:09 am
Location: South Island, New Zealand

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Noeleena »

Hi,

My thoughts on how your seen most of you know of my comments on that I look more masculine in my facial features, well some changes have taken place for myself and how I look more so how I feel about myself over all,

Im heading back for more corrective surgerys and back tracking on my many posts here and on all of the forums im a member off of my hate of men the curse that was placed on me over 69 years ago has been lifted and was 8 days ago so im free from that so now im looking at men in a very different way,

I allways put myself down disliked how I looked facial wise, body wise im a normal female so I have now attracted a lot of comments on how I look from men not those scammers just nice most looking men big change, my women friends some said men see things different from each other in what they see as pretty beautifull and sexy or hey your special your looks are lovely and I mean really ...LOVELY...

So I have had to rethink of how I look yes changes are happening my body is going into more lovely changes not added meds doing it.

so now im looking at men as in being my mate marrage and more, and LOVE.and my whole body is ready for a man to be in my life in every way fully. plus the timing is ...SO...RIGHT....NOW.

Some how I don't think my friends are going to bat an eye and they back me up as it is in so many ways, so this sexy kitten has woken from sleep and is on the move, thought you may like to know,

SilverLady

Das ist der Beginn eines schónen Lebens fúr eine Frau . die night mehr zurúckhált und sexuelles auf Feuer ist.

...noeleena...
User avatar
Heather W
Miss Ruby Goddess
Posts: 1114
Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: Ann Arbor
Contact:

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Heather W »

I find it interesting that the average CD (if there is an average CD :lol: ) associates her femininity with a skirt and heels. Granted there was a time I was the same but as I have grown and progressed on my life journey I have come to understand that being a woman comes from within and migrates outward not vice versa. Yes many women today would never think of wearing a dress or a skirt for anything short of a special occasion that does not mean they are not feminine. I feel the same whether I an wearing a dress and heels or jeans and my Nikes.

For those of you who have limited excursion opportunities I can understand the "need" for a skirt, hose, and heels but you need to look at it from the other side. With slacks one doesn't need to worry about the wind on a gusty day, the leering eyes as we bend to grab something from a lower shelf at the grocery store, stay warm on a blustery winter day, and so on. Ever try walking in 4" heels on a glare sheet of ice? Feel the stares as you ascend an open staircase from the ogling eyes hoping for a peek? These are just some of the reasons today's woman wears slacks.

I will grant you I have seen women out and about wearing clothes I would be embarrassed to be seen in short of doing housework or washing my car. However I have seen men dressed just as badly. The average male who worked in an office eagerly embraced the business casual look as they could shuck their ties and I can appreciate that as I always questioned how wearing a tourniquet around my neck made me more "businesslike". However members of both genders have at times taken business casual to the extreme of looking like they were getting ready to paint the bedroom.

I wish I could remember where I saw this one cartoon online but it was two middle aged men sitting on a sofa obviously watching something on television. They both had t-shirts and sweat pants on, a beer in their hands, they were unshaven and had obvious beer bellies. I don't remember the exact caption but they were complaining about how their wives had "let themselves go". Does the old saying about the kettle calling the pot black come to mind?
The time is always right to do what is right
Martin Luther Ling Jr
Marissa Mae
Miss Sapphire Goddess
Posts: 87
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2015 5:59 pm

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Marissa Mae »

Heather, you express my viewpoint best I think. I admit I too mourn the days when skirts were common—they looked soooo fem and nice! But pants win for comfort and practicality. All my life I have leaned toward casual styles, and resisted formal or informal "dress codes" whether institutional or personal, so I certainly sympathize with others who do.

It's true both genders have adopted more comfy wear for more occasions than in the past, and most of the time they have good reason for it. I can't criticize a GG (or TG) who wants to wear sweats and a nondescript shirt, whether staying in or going out. It also bears saying that, my skirt nostalgia notwithstanding, to me a person's attractiveness and grace shine through her clothes, be they spiffy or dressdown. As to "sloppy," it's worth remembering that we all define that differently!

We each have some "bare minimum" that makes us feel femme. Personally I feel extra female the minute I have panties on, a bra and forms. Whatever else I may add just reinforces the feeling, but for me those are the basics. I'm sure all our thresholds differ. Putting on the full regalia is wonderful, but it's also a kind of peak. Most of us can't be climbing that peak all the time, and thank goodness we're not held to that standard. How you dress, F, M or TG, depends on the life you live, and mine calls for casual style.

I'm sorta dressed down at the moment, as a matter of fact. But feeling very femme!

Marissa Mae
User avatar
Hanna
Miss Emerald Goddess
Posts: 173
Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:38 pm
Location: New Bern, North Carolina

Re: Dressing and being out in public. Am I weird, normal?

Post by Hanna »

So, I have been reading a lot of your comments.
I am still at the point of having to wear a dress or skirt to feel like a woman. And I admit many times I got out with a skirt just above the knees, but may change later on into a mini. I develop the need/desire while I am out to show off. Maybe I like to have the skirt blow up in the wind, or someone catching a glimpse of my panties. I know I look at least in my fifties, even though I am have hit 74 yo. My body let's me get away with showing off a little-I think. And I also realize that if I look too brazen it probably draws too much attention and I would probably be read.
I guess if I was 10-20 years younger I would dress more like a hooker, and I'd love to do that now, but I think I'm too old--who wants a 70+ year old hooker anyhow-lol.
Heels are always fun, but not comfy for any period of time, plus being 6'2" without heels, I don't need to add more inches.
But I also tend to put a pair on after I've been out a few hours, for my own "feel good" and maybe to attrack a bit of attention. They do make our legs and butt look nicer.
So my question is, do any of you gals get the same urges, do they go away the more you go out?
I went out once last fall, in a pretty short dress, just covered my crotch. if I bent over a little or raised my arms I'd be revealing a little. I was in Sears,walking around looking at dresses and there was a older man who kept following me from a distance, waiting to get a peek. I don't remember if obliged him or not, but I got a "thrill" out of it, and hope he did also.
Does that make me weird? I still haven't figured out why I dress yet and stopped trying- almost.
I can and do dress my age most of the time, but then at times I loose control.
Any helps/ suggestions.
User avatar
Anne Bonny
Miss Diamond Goddess
Posts: 2577
Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
Location: The Gulf Coast

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Anne Bonny »

Well. We are a very diverse community and we are all unique. How long have you been dressing? If it's only recently you could be like a teenager...experimenting...exploring. When I am feeling more feminine all I want is what I'd want if I had been born a woman and had lived my life as one...and that is just to be myself and just wear whatever is appropriate for what I'm doing, in clothing that suits me and that falls in the main stream of current trends. Sexuality well we are all sexual creatures but I would much prefer that with a partner personally.
Go with the flow
User avatar
Amanda R
Miss Platinum Goddess
Posts: 281
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:00 am
Location: Duh! Where I am

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Amanda R »

Funny how the stereotypes of women still exist. I agree that I have seen women and men out in public in clothes I would be embarrassed to be seen in short of working in a garden or scrubbing the floor wearing but that is the way society has drifted. When my mother finally accepted me as TG she vowed I would learn to be a lady and yes even a girly girl! In the beginning that meant dresses or skirts as she felt that helped reinforce certain lessons such as keeping my knees together, sitting properly and not slouching, bending form the knees not the waist, etc. Once she felt that was properly embedded in my head jeans, slacks, and shorts were introduced to my wardrobe. Far more comfortable and practical for many circumstances. Today when going to class or just being out and about I am much more apt to wear jeans or shorts but I also have casual skirts I wear from time to time.

Lacey is correct in her observation that the average CD tends to overdress for the situation. I have seen this many times in the support group I belong to at outings, meetings, even the bar/ Last summer we had a picnic and a couple of girls showed up in dresses and heels! Also most CD's tend to dress younger than their biological age, some too young! If your intention is to draw attention to yourself then dress as you please however if you want acceptance regardless of being read or not dress appropriately for the situation.
"We may have all come on different ships but we are in the same boat now."
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
User avatar
Anne Bonny
Miss Diamond Goddess
Posts: 2577
Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
Location: The Gulf Coast

Re: Dressing and being out in public

Post by Anne Bonny »

Hah! I'll bite again on this thread. The caffeine is flowing now... I always dress up a little when I go out into public unless I am going to Lowes because I am working on something and need something to do what I am working on. Generally when I go out in public it is what I think of as "business casual" kinda sorta because I do wear shorts in warm weather. On vacation gee...depends but I never run around in worn or raggedy clothing with a stain or a rip in shoes so worn I can flip them off. At home usually jean shorts and a t shirt with deck shoes...working in the yard or whatever yeah...ragged stained worn clothing who wants to ruin good stuff?

Something else to think about is the age of most people on this site...sounds as if we are a more senior group...Late 40's to 60+ even much older. There is a huge generation gap. Sure my memory goes back to childhood early 60's and I also recall women wearing dresses at home, around the house with pantyhose and pumps!!! True we probably developed some of our ideas of what women wear from decades ago. By the 70's shorts and slacks and jeans and various tops. Today dresses are more and more for special occasions or career wear if they work in an office or when young ladies are dating of course they are going to dress to attract and to accentuate their femininity. So...

We with our variant genders may desire to compensate and to go a little over the top when we are feeling our feminine genders flowing, who can blame us? We were deprived have been deprived most of our lives. We did not get to wear pretty dresses when we were children, We missed out from Kindergarten through High School...gaw we would have been beat up! Through the majority of our lives we have had to play it all close to the vest and live only in the shadows and or only in the closet ... Yeah, We have been deprived and prevented from being who we would have loved to be all throughout our lives so It is understandable we love when we dress to be a little hyper to the feminine side.

A few posts up it was that stated and is so true! "who we are comes from within" It is not the clothing that makes us feminine because we are already feminine inside ourselves and no matter what we wear who we are inside with shine through.

Look around today...women no matter how they dress drip to overflowing with feminine gender because they are already feminine and that allows them to "Rock" whatever they have on. I have also learned this. Hell, I could even wear guy wear and even that would not matter when I am feeling feminine because that is who I am and have always been. Now being gender fluid I swing to the male and over to the female it really is like having the best of both worlds with a double wardrobe to cover my double gender span!

So When I swing to the female...I change into a female outfit that is the feminine counterpart of whatever my masculine side had on...I choose my outfit on the idea that, had I been lucky enough to be a woman, I would be wearing right this instant if I were a girl! If I am at home and relaxing...yeah lingerie, shorts and a lady's T top, fix my hair and jewelry with light make up...and I just keep going. Of course sometimes I really want to wear something pretty a casual dress or sundress and sandals...I don't deprive myself I wear exactly what I want to wear but it is all consistent with reason...I mean I am not going to go out in an evening gown and 4" spikes to go to Walmart! If there were a formal occasion and I would be allowed to go yeah...but 3" sandals are what I would choose or 2.5"...I think I have a pair of strapy sandals that high (4") but they are on their last legs...

Gaw, sorry long posts aren't fun are they? Sorry girls. I am a girl on the inside much of the time and I have my own style and preferences and I dress realistically as any woman would for comfort and whatever makes sense depending...

Heather...and Marissa...Yeah I agree! This is a fun thread there seems to be a consensus on here I love this site.

Congratulations Noleena...be sure to update us on your new look with an up to date avitar once you are rocking your new look.
Go with the flow
Post Reply