Hi all,
Rikki wrote:
Alexandra has a very good point! All the other 3 letters in 'GLBT" have to do with sexual preference. "T" does not. Our defining issue is not sexual preference.
CJ wrote:
Four, it's unrealistic to suppose that people fighting to have their sexual orientation socially and legally validated can be part of a harmonious group with people who have no interest in that aspect of their struggle.
See, Rikki, that's precisely one of the points my friend insisted upon; ours is not the same struggle as theirs. I remember when we first all introduced ourselves in that very first class at university (which is where I met this friend), he lost no time in referring to the fact that he was a member of a sexual minority. That got me thinking, for the very first time in any serious manner, about my own minority status. I'd made friends and sometimes participated in events organized by the university's Queer Collective--a TGLB organization ::winks in Alexandra's direction::--but had never seriously questioned why it was that we, as a group of people who
aren't struggling to have the legitimacy of our sexual orientation recognized, would march arm in arm with those who are. I think we are a
social minority, not a sexual one. That's the case, I think, especially given the fact that gays, though vocal, are not as visible as T-girls; as you so rightly exclaimed, Rikki, "wear a dress to work tomorrow and see what happens!" Hell, just wear a dress any old time in public and see what happens!
I've dealt often with gays and lesbians (at one point, in a store I worked at in the Village, I was the only straight employee); I find theirs to be a rich and complex and fascinating subculture and, yes, I've had to fend off many a homosexual advance and had to work hard at reaching some understanding with my lesbian friends who were often so ready to dismiss and even condemn me because of my anatomical sex. I always made sure that gay friends and acquaintances understood that I wasn't offended when they showed any sexual interest in me--in fact, I took it as a compliment--and that I just didn't "go that way." I wanted to be certain they understood that I rejected (in as kind a way as possible) their advances because of
my sexual orientation, not theirs.
And you know what, Rikki? Life goes on after a friend reveals himself as gay. Not so for the T-girl, transvestite, crossdresser, transsexual, what have you. People are comfortable with polarities and dualities: yes, a gay man is attracted to other men, but he's undeniably a man. Same goes for a lesbian; she's a woman. But what of the T-girl? What manner of creature is this? People don't like it when a gendered soul sits on the fence. Even gay people don't like it. It confuses things. Is this person to be addressed as a man or a woman? It even blurs how this person should be considered as an object of sexual desire, and gays are not any more comfortable with that state of affairs than are straights. I think this is what shone through in my friend's attitude and opinions. Homosexual behaviour can often be an affront to straight sensibilities, but transgender behaviour bucks social mores as a whole. In many ways, our task is much more daunting than that of our "happy" brethren and our fight is thus made much more difficult because of it.
Charlene, in her post, wishes for support from the straight community (all of us do, I think). However, I'm not sure in what sense we can call the straight world a community. A community is a group of people that seek each other out because they share the same values and attitudes as well as a common desire to promote and defend those values. The straight community is too extensive to fit the bill; it's much, much less cohesive than the gay or trans community. So, we might be setting our sights too high in expecting support from such nebulous quarters. Nevertheless, if we focus on individual members of, on people belonging to, the straight world, we might stand a chance of getting somewhere, I think. For me, it's always a case by case approach. As Rikki says, show the "vanilla" person that we're good people, decent people, intelligent and caring people, and there's nothing straights (or even gays) won't do to accept and support us.
Rikki, you also said:
What your friend overlooks is that only someone who is outside of the mainstream of our society could seriously think that crossdressers fit into the mainstream. As women continue more and more to adopt the dress codes, vocabulary, and behavior of radical feminism, are heterosexual men going to turn from women to crossdressers as their desired mates?
Well, first, I'm beginning to seriously question whether gays and lesbians can be considered as being outside the mainstream. They're legally visible. They have the same rights as their straight counterparts. (Here, in Quebec, same-sex unions have been formally acknowledged by the government for over a decade; in the rest of Canada, gay marriage is also fast becoming a done deal.) I couldn't help but feel that my friend was looking at the issues of the transgender community from a mainstream point of view (of course, he would vehemently deny that!).
Second, there just aren't that many radical feminists outside militant student organizations. Most women I know may, at one time or another, adopt the dress codes, behaviour, and vocabulary of the feminist mainstream--that's the feminist
mainstream, not the radicals or the integrists--but they often do so as a way to extend the range of their possible ways of being in the world. In my own experience, many truly radical feminists condemn men because of our very nature. It's an essentialism of the most repugnant sort. Many also "espouse" lesbianism for political reasons. My point, here, is that most women do not, in fact, reject whatever "sane" ideals of feminine beauty and behaviour are out there. Moreover, the women I know are culturally aware enough to know that ideals are just that, ideals. They may not agree with them or want to reach for them, but they know the "models" are there. They pick and choose what suits them. In the end, most women I know are both feminine and feminists--without the slightest sign of conflict. I'm just not that certain that a woman wearing jeans and a T-shirt can be any less feminine that she'd be in a dress and heels. Of course, jeans and Ts don't appeal to us TG folk--those are part of our drab costumes. I tend to see femininity as something residing in someone's heart and soul, not as draped on her hips or across her breasts. But that's me. I'm fully aware that others may disagree. And that's fine.
I know that what you're referring to, Rikki, when you say that "we often WANT to look like beauty queens, sex objects, and icons of traditional beauty," is something many GGs find difficult to understand because, to them, such ideals are limiting and they see them as the shackles of sterotypical and passé feminine sex roles. What they may fail to understand is that, to us, this gender-swapping is liberating, not so much because we "become" women as that we abandon, even if only temporarily or partially, the strictures of a weighing masculinity. And the further we are from that masculinity, the more free we feel ourselves to be. One obvious way of distancing ourselves from stereotypically masculine sex roles is to adopt their exact gender opposites.
Anyway, far be it from me to paint the transgender world in unflattering colours. It's the opposite, in fact; everything that I deem good and healthy and sane and wise and so human about myself, I attribute to the fact that I'm a crossdresser. I wouldn't want it any other way, trust me. I have tremendous respect and admiration for people such as yourself, Rikki, who go out there everyday to fight the good fight. My heart, my mind, and my soul are with you always. However, like Sara, I haven't yet come up with the courage to wear a dress to work tomorrow. And, until I do, I thank whatever powers that be that people like you exist.
Well, I'm sorry about the excessive length of this post. I tend to ramble, early on Sunday mornings.
We're in the middle of our second snowstorm of the winter here; I think I'll put on my boots and go make some angels outside.
Love,
CJ
His attitude led to a fascinating discussion, though, and he brought up several interesting points.
) and that is refer to GLBT as TLBG!!!!!