Are you a Transgenderist?

[Beauty]

I consider myself transgendered. I have never felt like a man sexually internally, but like a female. However, I have never been interested in men sexually so when dressed en femme I guess I would be a male lesbian technically. I am totally hetrosexual when in male mode. I have no desire for SRS because I don't feel that I think, act, or have ever felt that I was a total female born into a male body. It is really just the sexual side of me that is female. I am on hormone therapy, under my doctor's care, because I would like to reshape the exterior a little bit to coincide better with how I feel about myself internally.

Hope I made some semblance of sense here, but that is what I am about.


Christine

Hi there,

We sound a lot alike. Great description of who you are.

Beauty

[Beauty]

Interesting article.

At first I thought "no I'm not a transgenderist" then as I read I thought "well maybe I am". The label or categorization ti me only matters when receiving medical or emotional help. The medical professional needs to know how to treat you.

What I don't get is the acceptance part, or lack of it, by others inside our world. Crossdressers and transsexuals, and everyone in between should rally around each other and not only accept but happily support the rest of us no matter what label they have been given.

I have no fear of being snubbed by anyone in our world because I have never experienced it. I can't even imagine it exists. I have however run into others who on the outside seem just like me but when I try to communicate with them I get a very distant response from them. I have passed that off as we can't click with everyone but I suppose it's possible they are snubbing me because of a label they applied to me.

I am not just a crossdresser but I don't see myself as a transsexual. I use the term transgender because as it was described to me I have one foot in both camps. This is with me 24/7 and no dress up time makes it go away after it's over.

After Friday's outing I stayed en femme until about 5PM Saturday. It was wonderful and I didn't want it to end. But I have others to consider.

I'd love to finish this but work calls,

Julie

Hi Julie,

For years I didn't think this kind of person existed. People would tell me I'm either a TS or a CD, but I always felt in the middle. CJ's thread finally gave me a label that I felt comfortable with. I hate labels, but when you don't know what you are, "Oh boy does it help."

I agree with rallying around each other, but people in this area (those of us who know we aren't just CD'rs but we aren't TS's either) can see both sides more than anyone. Those on the sides of us are less likely (but not 100% un-likely) to want to join that rallying together for fear of what it would mean to their status.

I am glad you posted in this thread. It's cool know, that's for sure.

Beauty

[Rebecca]

Hi all,

I think Iv'e replied to this thread before, but as it's so interesting I'll have another go.

Cogiati placed me as probable TS, but it doesn't feel quite right. I know I DON'T want SRS, but I would change my overall shape if I could.
Being in boy mode, I just get on with it, I'm just your typical bloke. When I am in the mood for dressing, I want to look as female as possible, ANY sign of anything masculine hurts, and I really mean hurts, as though I could sob my heart out.
Then I get undressed I'm a bit disapointed, but accepting to being drab again. This feeling wanes gradually until it is repeated over again.

The avatar I put up recently was taken a few months ago and is the best I have to date. I am only a small part pleased with it, it's just not how I see myself in my minds eye. As a man I have often been called hunky, but inside I feel slender, and sometimes people judge my book by it's cover and I feel like screaming " YOU DON'T KNOW ME "

If I had a shape changing machine to go back and forth I'd be happy, but I haven't got one of those, apart from a food blender and I'm not counting that.
As a man I can accept myself.
En-femme, if I ever feel like purging, it's not out of guilt but out of frustration at not seeing what I need to see in the mirror

So, I'm still not sure quite where that puts me, I suppose I am learning to live with myself and that's a big step.
Sorry about ranting about myself, and sorry this post is a bit higgledy piggledy, I'll keep working on it

Love
Rebecca xxx

[SophieLawson]

I'm a bit like you Rebecca, still learning a lot, I guess we never stop finding out about ourselves... but I'm feeling more like a Transgenderist rather then a cross dresser, so very strange.

Sophie xx

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I also have already had a stab at this topic, but hearing the insights of so many of you I have to confess it does feel good to find out what I really am.

I spent a good deal of my life beleiving I was transexual. I am sure that had I had the courage to come out when I was younger I would have transitioned. However as the years have gone by the importance of actually transitioning has diminished to the point where I would not consider it now, because the benifits do not outweigh the cost.

Would I like to have real breasts and wider hips, softer skin, less hair growth? Sure. But it is not as important to me as how I feel inside. Perhaps I will consider hormones in the future. So here I am, clearly more than just a crossdresser, yet not and never will be a transexual. So in this regard, I guess I do need the label, and it does help me understand myself better.

In every other regard though I still find lables distasteful and hope that at least within our own community we can get rid of them and love and accept each other, since society clearly is a long way from this.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[CJ]

Hi all,

Interesting posts! And, after all this time, that many of us are still gaining insights from each other is so cool! This forum sooooo rocks!

Rebecca,

That is a nice avatar you have there--make no mistake about it! Still, always respect your own comfort levels when it comes to showing who you are! Always! No one will think any the less of you if you prefer remaining "in soft focus." (This comes from another thread, folks, about privacy and public uneasiness. Just to let you all know.)

Love,
CJ

P.S.
I don't think I'm a transgenderist; I'm a crossdresser the COGIATI pegged as a late onset probable transsexual, oddly enough. Go figure.

[Rebecca]

Hi Cj,

Thankyou, I really appreciate that

Love
Rebecca xxx

[DonnaT]

It is true that most TS's and "TG"s will somehow look down on CD's.

I didn't use to until this forum came around. Now having spent a lot of time in the exclusively TG/TS world, I can tell you this IS true and thanks to this forum, I know why.

Now there are those of you CDs that I'd do anything for, but on the other hand others are loose cannons blasting their own existence at every opportunity. In order to preserve sanity many transgendered people have to chuck the whole CD scene and let them swim on their own. Life is too short to do anything else.

...

Thanks for raising this thread Alexandra, since it began before some of us joined the forum, and Beauty's "Loooong Post" raised similar thoughts.

I consider myself to be bigendered, because some CDs dress for gender identity issues we were born with (like me) and some CDs dress for other reasons, thus the label CD doesn't appear right, but instead identifies us by what we do not what we are.

Being bigendered, and referring to the labels in this thread, I usually stay with the CD label, but I often have looked at women and wished I looked like them in outward appearance. No desire for GRS

Sometimes I wonder if I would have gone the transgenderist route if I had never gotten married. I don't know the answer to that.

Being honest with myself, the "women" I refer to are pretty. So if I wasn't pretty would I be happy achieving the look of a woman? In all honesty, probably not.

Does such a wish, with such a limitation, make me a transgenderist?

[Beauty]

Hi Donna,

You're saying some pretty deep stuff lately. Things that kind of take you off the CD'ing fence that you once sat on pretty firmly.

Have you ever thought about talking to a gender therapist?

Beauty

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

To me, it's all transgenderedness. I mean, I have a high degree of gender dysphoria. So much so that I need to wear women's clothes 24/7 to feel relief. I don't see how the frequency of how often someone dresses makes them better and I certainly don't see how this forum could possibly help make a person feel that way.

What I seen from both Beauty's revalation, and Julie's revalation that they are indeed transsexuals, not to mention those of us like RikkofLA and myself who dress full time and most likely fall into the catagory of transgenderist, has been nothing but total support.

I don't see this line between the transgendered, and I certainly don't feel anyone is any better than anyone else based on the severity of thier gender dysphoria. And I further consider it a slap in the face to all my loving sisters, as well as those who administer this forum to say that this forum somehow brings out the worst in crossdressers and makes them worthy of being condescended towards.

If I misread this post, I hope someone can line me out. And perhaps Alexandra is giving us an example of this contempt that TS's and TG's feel towards mere crossdressers. I am not sure what DonnaT is saying. I don't find bigotry in any form to be helpful. But if she is saying that this is indeed true, and we need to discuss it, I don't think blaming this forum and it's members is an appropriate way to do that.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Virginia]

Interesting, to say the least. You have all got to remember what I said. "It is the pioneers that take the arrows!" We are truly pioneers on this site! We are finding out things about ourselves and our sisters and you mix that with what little scientific research exists and VOLIA!! we get "Crossdressers Forum." We have previously discussed that none of us want to be "labled," but we mostly agree that if you do the research you have to begin to see that within our own community that differences exist along a rather lengthy continium!!!! So first begs the question are we all in this community even on the same continuim or does our universe consist of a variety of continiums. Just how far does one wish to differentate variences within our universe. Those that only wear white panties to those that only wear red to those that wear any color but white or red???? With and without forms, natural hair or wigs, slacks vs. skirts? More important seems to be the end in itself. The why and how that particular individual achieves their own end. Using the definitions provided, there does seem to be a difference between crossdressers; transgenderist; transvestites; pre-op TG; post-op Tg; and now yet another category NON-op TG's!
We can not cast dispursions on anyone (well there are a few exceptions, like someone who sneaks into someone else's house and tries their clothing on- but that'a another story). We all have a few basic similarities, but that is the beauty of it. It is like a giant flower garden with all kinds of beautiful flowers blossoming and we are part of it. Stop and smell not only the roses, but all the other beautiful, ornate and fragarent flowers -- they can all be enjoyed and learned from.
Love you all,
Virginia

[Kathy]

Though I have no comment on how or why it came about, it is interesting that this particular thread has been revived.

I re-read the article and have been sitting here contemplating where I fit in now, a year later.

While I do live 24/7 in women's clothing, I don't spend time living as a woman. So, by the strict definition, that makes me a crossdresser.

But, then I stop to consider what role(s) I play here. Forgive me if I seem to be stereotyping here. That isn't really my intent as I know that these roles can be filled by either gender. Yes, I do the physical work around the house such as mowing the lawn and general maintenance. I also see a lot of women doing these things. But, I'm also my mother's full time caregiver, I do most of the cooking as well as the laundry and all of the shopping. We've hired someone to come in and do the general house cleaning. Otherwise, I'd be doing that as well.

If it was within my budget, would I go for laser hair removal? Yes, I would. And I'd have my face done as well. I presently don't shave my beard because, truth be told, it just plain hurts too much. I did shave for almost three months last summer. I just couldn't take it anymore so I let the beard grow back.

Would I consider t-blockers or HRT? Probably yes to t-blockers but not so sure about HRT.

GRS? Definitely not. As I've said before, I don't want to be a girl. I don't really want to look like a girl. But, I wouldn't mind loosing the body hair or having softer skin.

So, am I a transgenderist? Well...maybe!

Love,
Kathy

[DonnaT]

Hi Donna,

You're saying some pretty deep stuff lately. Things that kind of take you off the CD'ing fence that you once sat on pretty firmly.

Have you ever thought about talking to a gender therapist?

Beauty

Nah, I'm happy as I am, and don't need a label to be any happier

[Beauty]

Nah, I'm happy as I am, and don't need a label to be any happier

Hi Donna,

You know I didn't say anything about a label.

You've been saying many things that are displaying you should probably talk to a therapist.

From reading your COAGTI test I'm not really worried or saying you're a TS, but if you think the things that are going on in your head are just going to be content with you for ever, then you could be fooling yourself. I do think you have a very strong guy side. I also think this femme side you're talking about you should talk to someone. The danger of not talking to someone about it is it becomes far stronger than it should because your guy side won't go away.

Remember what I told you about what Rikki said. Some CD'rs don't diagnose their desires right and end up making really bad decisions. I'm only being a worry ward, but it's because I love you and I'd feel better if you'd talk about this with someone. However, if you're happy not talking to one I'm going to be the last one to attempt to force you.


Hi Kathy,

If you read my posts you'll see we sounded alike a few years ago. Like Donna, I would suggest you get therapy. Then at least you'll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're what you are.

Like I also told Donna. It's your call not mine. I'll accept you either way.

Beauty

[Kathy]

Hi Beauty,

Just doing some honest self-evaluating here. A year ago I think I still wasn't being completely honest with myself on these topics. And, as a result, not quite honest with the rest of you either.

Under the right circumstances, I would probably move toward doing those things I listed above. Presently, there is no possible way that any of that is going to happen in the forseeable future. And, as I grow older, the less inclined I am to consider permenant changes of any kind. While it would be nice to talk to a therapist, again, for the moment, it just doesn't fit into my current buget.

Now, is any of this causing me any emotional discomfort? No, it isn't. I've pretty much figured out who, what and where I am. I have a pretty good idea where I am going and where I would like to go. What I don't have an answer to is why I am. But, then, does anyone?

While I do tend to be a bit impulsive at times and will tend to check things out for myself, I also have a fairly strong self-preservation instinct. So, no, I don't intend to jump off any cliffs here. But I do want to acknowledge that my life as a crossdresser is a bit more complicated than I sometimes make it sound.

As CJ has said, sometimes posts here can make her stop in her tracks and re-evaluate her own feelings. Your recent posts have done that for me.

Thank you for that.

Love,
Kathy