There are many things I wish or would love for my wife to do when I am in my feminine roll as Nancy, from helping me to present my self as best I can as a woman to just being my best girl friend to hang around with and do things with as girls but the one thing I wish she would really do is just understand and accept all of me for the whole person that I am.
This is not to say that she doesn't accept my CD'ing or try to understand it but when all is said and done she just as soon have me as her husband and male companion only. That in it's own way hurts me because I know that I can never go back to living part of my life in the closet, and that being that I cannot be that one gendered person she wants me to be.
We have been married for over 34 years now and the canon that was between us has become more like a gully but now has a bridge over it so who knows maybe someday that one thing my come true. A girl can always hope can't she?
One for the CD's
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
That's a good question, actually.
For me, it's not so much visibility as intimacy that matters; although shopping trips en femme sound nice what I would love is for my (eventual) SO to just want to spend quality intimate time with me while I'm en femme, whether it's tender embraces or wild sexual abandon. Or even just girl chat, as long as there's true passion in our relationship. Idealistic, huh?
Love,
CJ
That's a good question, actually.
For me, it's not so much visibility as intimacy that matters; although shopping trips en femme sound nice what I would love is for my (eventual) SO to just want to spend quality intimate time with me while I'm en femme, whether it's tender embraces or wild sexual abandon. Or even just girl chat, as long as there's true passion in our relationship. Idealistic, huh?
Love,
CJ
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Nancy
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2003 10:56 am
- Location: Chicago Area
Oh, WOW! I read you there about how wonderful it would be if my wife and I could be as close and physical when I am in my fem role or my male role. I feel so much nicer and yes stimulated when I am in my fem things and I can not help but think that the interaction between us would be much more intence. However, from what my wife says it would make her feel like a lesbian if she kissed me or messed around with me while I was wearing womens things.
Over the past couple years my wife has given into her and I rubbing and caressing each others nylon coverd legs, to make the feel good and if I am dresed and made up and she is leaving for work I am alowed to give her a hug and peck on her cheek but no kissing on the lips.
My wife asked me once, if she dressed and made her self up so she looked, smelled and acted like a man with abeard would I be willing to kiss and mess around with him? I said yes because I would know its her underneath but with her and lot of other GG's I have talked with they seem to have problems getting past the, you look like a woman thing.
Go figure keeps us on our toes I gess heels or not..](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall")
Over the past couple years my wife has given into her and I rubbing and caressing each others nylon coverd legs, to make the feel good and if I am dresed and made up and she is leaving for work I am alowed to give her a hug and peck on her cheek but no kissing on the lips.
My wife asked me once, if she dressed and made her self up so she looked, smelled and acted like a man with abeard would I be willing to kiss and mess around with him? I said yes because I would know its her underneath but with her and lot of other GG's I have talked with they seem to have problems getting past the, you look like a woman thing.
Go figure keeps us on our toes I gess heels or not..
Nancy Elizabeth Lee
Life is what happens when we have made other plans.
Life is what happens when we have made other plans.
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RikkiOfLA
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 298
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 11:39 pm
- Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
What would I want my SO to do that she doesn't do now?
Well, all the things I wanted, we talked about. I won't say I got all of them. But the ones I didn't get, I at least understand deeply, accept, and respect her feelings on. The ones I still needed, I talked about some more.
And the result of the process is that I either got them or don't really want them anymore.
So, I guess, I'd have to say "Win the lottery?"
Well, all the things I wanted, we talked about. I won't say I got all of them. But the ones I didn't get, I at least understand deeply, accept, and respect her feelings on. The ones I still needed, I talked about some more.
And the result of the process is that I either got them or don't really want them anymore.
So, I guess, I'd have to say "Win the lottery?"
Love and respect,
Rikki
Rikki
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Rikki, Rikki, stop being so coy!
I, for one, am very curious as to what some of those things are that you've either "gotten" or no longer want. Plus, I'm wondering if some of those things are no longer wanted because you saw that it was impossible for you to get them. Is that the case?
As to winning the lottery... money's always good, sure, but I really think that many of you here have already won the "personality" jackpot, so I wouldn't sweat it too much, sweetie. You've got it where it counts.
Love,
CJ
I, for one, am very curious as to what some of those things are that you've either "gotten" or no longer want. Plus, I'm wondering if some of those things are no longer wanted because you saw that it was impossible for you to get them. Is that the case?
As to winning the lottery... money's always good, sure, but I really think that many of you here have already won the "personality" jackpot, so I wouldn't sweat it too much, sweetie. You've got it where it counts.
Love,
CJ
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Dixie Darling
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2003 4:58 pm
- Location: Southeast United States
- Contact:
What would I like my SO to do for me now that she's not already doing?
Pretty simple request for me. Just accept me as I am. I figure if she'd do THAT, the rest of the road would be a lot smoother.
Dixie http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd
Pretty simple request for me. Just accept me as I am. I figure if she'd do THAT, the rest of the road would be a lot smoother.
Dixie http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd
"If you're going to LOOK like a lady, then ACT like one too!"
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Sara
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2003 8:17 am
- Location: New England
I'm with Dixie. Simple acceptance would lead to all the other important things. Conversation, intimacy, shared secrets, and so on. Essentially, I'd want the relationship we have now, with that one addition.
I know how hard that is for her, and how she struggles with what she feels for me (good) with what she feels about me being CD (not so good. Yes, simple acceptance would do.
Sara
I know how hard that is for her, and how she struggles with what she feels for me (good) with what she feels about me being CD (not so good. Yes, simple acceptance would do.
Sara
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi Dixie,
I hear you, both you and Sara. As I've said to Dixie before, one of the main reasons it's difficult to handle a relationship with a non-accepting SO, is that there's a bottleneck on a two-way street, so to speak. You want your SO to be more accepting, that's a given. Can you, yourself, on the other hand, accept the fact that your SO cannot accept this part of you? That's not a given.
I'm not saying this in order to discourage anyone from further attempts at communication and understanding. Far from it! Quite the opposite, in fact! There's a Taoism-based principle found in some martial arts (I don't remember which) that says something to the effect, "When pushed, pull! When pulled, push!" In other words, go with the flow. Don't hound your SO with this matter, even though your inability to express this side of yourself is currently distressing to you. If there's no possibility of a resolution at all and you're staring into a future where there's no relief in sight for your own suffering, think about parting ways. It's the sane thing to do. For both parties. Even after years of marriage. Before you do so, however, just make sure that you've given your SO every possible chance to try to discover, on her own terms, without pressure, and without her feeling you love her any less, whether or not she thinks she can ever be comfortable with this. The best way to do that is to remain open, honest, caring, and, especially, compassionate (no matter how much compassion you desperately wished also came your way). Your SO is suffering also in this. Give her a reasonable amount of time to adjust. If you seriously don't think she ever will, you need to consider separation.
I agree wholeheartedly with both of you; an SO's "mere" acceptance stands to open the floodgates to true intimacy with her CD partner, not always but usually. If only she could understand this, she'd be made happier by being in a richer and far deeper relationship than she could ever have imagined. But, for some SOs, the hurdles are too difficult for them even to get near that point. You have to understand this. And you have to respect this.
I want you both to know that it's not a matter of me siding with your wives. I'm not. And I hope that what I'm saying won't make you feel hopeless or depressed. Rather, it's a matter of trying to see what the best possible outcome can be for someone in your situation, even if that "best" outcome is not in the least appealing to anyone involved. What is the sane thing to do? the healthy thing to do? the human thing to do? for both parties.
And please forgive the moralizing tone--my post is certainly not meant that way. I feel I've come to know you a bit and I care about you both. I'm just trying to find a way to help both you and your SOs avoid a greater suffering for the sake of a lesser one. As I've said before, I'm not a marriage counsellor, so everything I say comes only in a salty flavour. But, through my long love affair with them, I have come to know human beings to some extent and it often pains me to see them shut themselves away in little boxes, preventing their splendour from shining through. It hurts to see that. So, again, please don't misunderstand my intent. I wish the best of luck and courage and strength to anyone in your type of situation, as well as to anyone in your SO's type of situation.
Love, respect, and friendship,
Christina
I hear you, both you and Sara. As I've said to Dixie before, one of the main reasons it's difficult to handle a relationship with a non-accepting SO, is that there's a bottleneck on a two-way street, so to speak. You want your SO to be more accepting, that's a given. Can you, yourself, on the other hand, accept the fact that your SO cannot accept this part of you? That's not a given.
I'm not saying this in order to discourage anyone from further attempts at communication and understanding. Far from it! Quite the opposite, in fact! There's a Taoism-based principle found in some martial arts (I don't remember which) that says something to the effect, "When pushed, pull! When pulled, push!" In other words, go with the flow. Don't hound your SO with this matter, even though your inability to express this side of yourself is currently distressing to you. If there's no possibility of a resolution at all and you're staring into a future where there's no relief in sight for your own suffering, think about parting ways. It's the sane thing to do. For both parties. Even after years of marriage. Before you do so, however, just make sure that you've given your SO every possible chance to try to discover, on her own terms, without pressure, and without her feeling you love her any less, whether or not she thinks she can ever be comfortable with this. The best way to do that is to remain open, honest, caring, and, especially, compassionate (no matter how much compassion you desperately wished also came your way). Your SO is suffering also in this. Give her a reasonable amount of time to adjust. If you seriously don't think she ever will, you need to consider separation.
I agree wholeheartedly with both of you; an SO's "mere" acceptance stands to open the floodgates to true intimacy with her CD partner, not always but usually. If only she could understand this, she'd be made happier by being in a richer and far deeper relationship than she could ever have imagined. But, for some SOs, the hurdles are too difficult for them even to get near that point. You have to understand this. And you have to respect this.
I want you both to know that it's not a matter of me siding with your wives. I'm not. And I hope that what I'm saying won't make you feel hopeless or depressed. Rather, it's a matter of trying to see what the best possible outcome can be for someone in your situation, even if that "best" outcome is not in the least appealing to anyone involved. What is the sane thing to do? the healthy thing to do? the human thing to do? for both parties.
And please forgive the moralizing tone--my post is certainly not meant that way. I feel I've come to know you a bit and I care about you both. I'm just trying to find a way to help both you and your SOs avoid a greater suffering for the sake of a lesser one. As I've said before, I'm not a marriage counsellor, so everything I say comes only in a salty flavour. But, through my long love affair with them, I have come to know human beings to some extent and it often pains me to see them shut themselves away in little boxes, preventing their splendour from shining through. It hurts to see that. So, again, please don't misunderstand my intent. I wish the best of luck and courage and strength to anyone in your type of situation, as well as to anyone in your SO's type of situation.
Love, respect, and friendship,
Christina