OK... I was talking to SO the other night and he hinted that he'd like to go out in public en femme, and I volunteered to go out with him sometime.
Here's the problem: where can we go and not a) attract a lot of attention and b) not risk something bad happening to him? I've heard stories of bashing even at gay clubs (and come on--shouldn't they be a little more tolerant?). There are supposedly a few TG-friendly clubs in the area--would that be a good place to start?
I'm afraid to go to the mall or somewhere really public, since he's not out to anyone but me and his therapist and I'm not really ready to tell everyone about his CDing...
-Gardenia
Is there anywhere where you can go out together as girls?
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Gardenia_SO
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Virginia
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I would recommend a movie at night or evening! I would stay away from malls as I have posted there in lies our (CD'ers) worst nightmare - a pack menaing two or more teenage girls!! They are subconsciously seeking roll models and they will critique every female they see and if they "read" a CD'er for a lot of them that is a totally new experience and they will out them in a heartbeat, usually not just to people in the immediate area, but adjoining zip codes as well, so if you are not prepared to deal with that situation, either go early in the morning and always on a school day, never in the late afternoon or evening!
It is getting warmer out too so a nice walk in a park in the evening is nice. I would not recommend holding hands unless you can deal with being "called out" as lesbians. Just two girls out for an evening stroll.
As for clubs there are usually several in the bigger cities. Some are private and that is where getting involved with a local support group can help in learning which are the better ones. I don't like going to our local club simply because of the cigarette smoke. I have to wash everything when I leave and it just is not worth it. To eat just and nice restaruant. If you notice anymore no one looks at anyone anymore as they are either in some type of self-induced coma or they have a cell phone attached to the side of their head.
I am sure my sisters will have additonal ideas.
Good luck and let us know what you decide! After one or two times the T-Girl still gets the rush of going out dressed, but it does get a bit easier.
Love,
Virginia
It is getting warmer out too so a nice walk in a park in the evening is nice. I would not recommend holding hands unless you can deal with being "called out" as lesbians. Just two girls out for an evening stroll.
As for clubs there are usually several in the bigger cities. Some are private and that is where getting involved with a local support group can help in learning which are the better ones. I don't like going to our local club simply because of the cigarette smoke. I have to wash everything when I leave and it just is not worth it. To eat just and nice restaruant. If you notice anymore no one looks at anyone anymore as they are either in some type of self-induced coma or they have a cell phone attached to the side of their head.
I am sure my sisters will have additonal ideas.
Good luck and let us know what you decide! After one or two times the T-Girl still gets the rush of going out dressed, but it does get a bit easier.
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Carolynn
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Hi gardenia 
I understand your trepidation. However, I am a TS, early transition, do not pass well at all yet, but I do go to dinner and movies with other TS (both m2f and f2m) and ggs and find I am well treated. I have been "solo" a few times recently, once shopping and once shopping and out to eat, and though I was "read" all over the place and saw a few quick nudges to the ribs between young males, again no problems. Just mind your own business, be yourself, and most of all "belong" there in attitude, and stay away from obviously dangerous places. There are just some bars that make the police reports all the time you need to stay away from, period, and those are easy to find out about--just look at the police reports in the paper.
Shopping: Some stores have isolated dressing rooms for people needing more privacy, and they may direct you there or you might ask for one, but many have no problems with you using the dressing rooms as long as they are not super busy. Sales and Waitpersons are friendly, courteous in my experience, and an appropriate tip and compliments on little services and a neat appearance at eating places seem welcomed, as they are from anyone. Bathrooms are a bit dicey, but since your SO would be with you, you could likely get him in, do your business (just make sure he SITS), check the mirror, and leave.
I have not encountered anyone I know, but hope I will not be bothered by it if I do--and most of all that they will not be either. Most of those closest to me already know, but have not met the Carolynn me. Soon now, I hope.
I have not been to gay clubs though I do know others who have, and other than being hit on, (***huh***, go figure- guys are the eternal optimists, gay or straight ) they have had no trouble. Find one that has a drag show, and go the first time on that evening, and you will not be bothered. Lesbian clubs seem to be safer places; once they know you are a couple you will not be hit on, but may be asked to dance. There are militant lesbians who see CD and TS as parodying women, and these can get into your face, but no fisticuffs. I do know gays who said they don't care for TS or cds, but these are usually ignorant people needing a bit of one-on-one discussion--preferably when they are not high. In talking with one, he was thinking of drag queens (or drama hags as he called them) and not "ordinary" people trying to live life the way they are comfortable.
So, anyway, Hope this helps. Love, Carolynn
I understand your trepidation. However, I am a TS, early transition, do not pass well at all yet, but I do go to dinner and movies with other TS (both m2f and f2m) and ggs and find I am well treated. I have been "solo" a few times recently, once shopping and once shopping and out to eat, and though I was "read" all over the place and saw a few quick nudges to the ribs between young males, again no problems. Just mind your own business, be yourself, and most of all "belong" there in attitude, and stay away from obviously dangerous places. There are just some bars that make the police reports all the time you need to stay away from, period, and those are easy to find out about--just look at the police reports in the paper. Shopping: Some stores have isolated dressing rooms for people needing more privacy, and they may direct you there or you might ask for one, but many have no problems with you using the dressing rooms as long as they are not super busy. Sales and Waitpersons are friendly, courteous in my experience, and an appropriate tip and compliments on little services and a neat appearance at eating places seem welcomed, as they are from anyone. Bathrooms are a bit dicey, but since your SO would be with you, you could likely get him in, do your business (just make sure he SITS), check the mirror, and leave.
I have not encountered anyone I know, but hope I will not be bothered by it if I do--and most of all that they will not be either. Most of those closest to me already know, but have not met the Carolynn me. Soon now, I hope.
I have not been to gay clubs though I do know others who have, and other than being hit on, (***huh***, go figure- guys are the eternal optimists, gay or straight
) they have had no trouble. Find one that has a drag show, and go the first time on that evening, and you will not be bothered. Lesbian clubs seem to be safer places; once they know you are a couple you will not be hit on, but may be asked to dance. There are militant lesbians who see CD and TS as parodying women, and these can get into your face, but no fisticuffs. I do know gays who said they don't care for TS or cds, but these are usually ignorant people needing a bit of one-on-one discussion--preferably when they are not high. In talking with one, he was thinking of drag queens (or drama hags as he called them) and not "ordinary" people trying to live life the way they are comfortable.So, anyway, Hope this helps.
Love, Carolynn"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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KimberlyS
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Re: Is there anywhere where you can go out together as girls
Hi Gardenia, may suggest possibly going out of town.
About 4 weeks ago my wife and I did the same thing. We live in a small town, so we took a weekend trip to a city 5 hours away. Saturday morning my wife surprised me with manicures and pedicures for us both. The gals in the shop got a giggle putting color on a guys toes and fingers. Saturday night we had dinner at a nice quiet mainstream resturant with 3 other couples and 2 other cders, who we had meet through SPICE. All of us were enfemme including the 3 GG's.
Sunday, again with me enfemme, jean skirt, top, ankle boots, we spent several hours shopping antique stores and a half hour stop at the mall on the way back to the room, I changed to male mode and we had dinner just the two of us.
Everywhere we went were mainstream places. I only had one sir comment, and two teen age boys in the mall said "it is a guy" and moved on, and my wife said I got some looks other times.
I hope that helps Gardenia,
KimberlyS - CD
About 4 weeks ago my wife and I did the same thing. We live in a small town, so we took a weekend trip to a city 5 hours away. Saturday morning my wife surprised me with manicures and pedicures for us both. The gals in the shop got a giggle putting color on a guys toes and fingers. Saturday night we had dinner at a nice quiet mainstream resturant with 3 other couples and 2 other cders, who we had meet through SPICE. All of us were enfemme including the 3 GG's.
Sunday, again with me enfemme, jean skirt, top, ankle boots, we spent several hours shopping antique stores and a half hour stop at the mall on the way back to the room, I changed to male mode and we had dinner just the two of us.
Everywhere we went were mainstream places. I only had one sir comment, and two teen age boys in the mall said "it is a guy" and moved on, and my wife said I got some looks other times.
I hope that helps Gardenia,
KimberlyS - CD
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
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DonnaT
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Very very very rarely does anything bad happen to CDs out and about. If something does happen, it's usually in a seedy part of town.
Besides the excellent suggestions above, I suggest a shopping trip during the day M-F of the week while most people are at work or in school. Heck, you don't have to buy anything to enjoy time together.
If done on a Friday, a trip to a nail salon can be enjoyable, as girlfriends. Your So can then enjoy the nails for a few days if curcumstances at home allow him to keep the nails polished, or you can have them clear coated. A pedicure would also be great, and kept hidden afterwards.
Besides the excellent suggestions above, I suggest a shopping trip during the day M-F of the week while most people are at work or in school. Heck, you don't have to buy anything to enjoy time together.
If done on a Friday, a trip to a nail salon can be enjoyable, as girlfriends. Your So can then enjoy the nails for a few days if curcumstances at home allow him to keep the nails polished, or you can have them clear coated. A pedicure would also be great, and kept hidden afterwards.
DonnaT
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Carol Ann
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Carol Ann-
Amelie-Laveau
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DonnaT wrote:Very very very rarely does anything bad happen to CDs out and about. If something does happen, it's usually in a seedy part of town.
Besides the excellent suggestions above, I suggest a shopping trip during the day M-F of the week while most people are at work or in school. Heck, you don't have to buy anything to enjoy time together.
If done on a Friday, a trip to a nail salon can be enjoyable, as girlfriends. Your So can then enjoy the nails for a few days if curcumstances at home allow him to keep the nails polished, or you can have them clear coated. A pedicure would also be great, and kept hidden afterwards.
I am the opposite, I find the seedy areas of town the most fun, people expect to see T-girls in seedy areas, so it's not a shock when they see me.
I used to love hanging out in Times Square in NYC, before they cleaned it up.
Everyone gave good places to go, nail salon sounds like a fun and safe venture.
Gay nightclubs are OK, no one will bother you, well, maybe some drama queens might say something funny to you, but no one will harm you.
One thing that I like to do, is go for walks around about town. I like walks in the night time but you can do daytime walks. There is something comforting about just wandering about, you are always moving so it's not like people have time to say much, by the time they notice anything, you would have walked past them.
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Stephanie W
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Gardenia
You've had some great suggestions so all I would add is don't go anywhere you wouldn't be comfortable going alone. Also, make sure your SO is dressed appropriately for wherever you decide to go. A good rule of thumb is to help him choose something that YOU would be comfortable wearing yourself.
Have fun.
Stephanie
You've had some great suggestions so all I would add is don't go anywhere you wouldn't be comfortable going alone. Also, make sure your SO is dressed appropriately for wherever you decide to go. A good rule of thumb is to help him choose something that YOU would be comfortable wearing yourself.
Have fun.
Stephanie