This is me...........

Fran W (SO) · Post by **Fran W (SO)** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 6:51 pm

I'm Fran, nearly 46, living in the UK with my partner and two of my three sons (the oldest has gone and got himself all grown up

)

We've been together nearly 13 years, and I've known about his CD'ing since just about the first time we met. I'm not a 'conventional' woman, and true to form, we didn't meet in a conventional way. Lots of letters and phone calls were exchanged before we finally met 'in the flesh' and I now know he was preparing to tell me about his dressing that very evening. In the end his 'bottle' went and I found out when he sent me a letter and some photographs. This was all just before Christmas, and I opened this letter with my Father in the living room and my ex Sister in Law in the kitchen with me. She is my oldest and most trusted friend, and the only person who knows (Yes love, if you're reading this, she knows, and accepts you totally - you know how much of a fan club you have <G>) At first I didn't know what to think, but I was curious.......

Over the weeks we became so close he moved in to live with me, and I Started to look for support with coming to terms with what the dressing meant to our relationship. Maybe I rushed into it a bit too quickly, but I also think the 'advice' I got from support groups here in the UK was also flawed and concentrated very much on the sexual side of a CD'ers behaviour - this I did NOT need to hear, having been the victim of rape as a teenager.

Anyway, we muddled through and coped until about a month ago, when i found an unknown phone number on the phone last number redial, and found out he has been talking to somebody for support himself. I was already stressed out with work/money problems so this couldn't have come at a worse time, but we've talked it through and I now know he NEEDS me to be able to see his dressed. So far we've managed to spend a pleasant evening with me putting his make up on, and I hope we have several more like that before progressing on from that. In my work I use 'positive reinforcement' to encourage good associations with situations that may be unpleasant, and I'm hoping this will work for us as well.

I really wish I'd had access to somewhere like this when I first found out .....

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 7:50 pm

HI Fran,
I will only say welcome to our "Island In the Stream!" for right now! I don't feel it is my place to comment to any degree. We have several SO's on the forum and I think (if you haven't done so) contact Sharon about garnering access to the SO ONLY section of the forum.. You will have access to other GG's and when you feel comfortable to hear from the rest of us, feel free to post in the other sections.
I will close with this - you will not a group of more caring and concerned individuals - They definitely changed my life and for that I am forever grateful!!!
Hope you stay and contribute!
Love,
Virginia

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 8:13 pm

Hi Fran and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear about your rape. I know this is a very difficult thing to handle, there is much pain afterwards.

It looks like you and your SO are managing his CDing, you seem like a strong and thoughtful person.

Pauline · Post by **Pauline** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 8:35 pm

Hi Fran and

to the forum from another Brit..

Hope your stay is long and informative, and as warm as mine has been.

Pauline

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 8:42 pm

Hi, Fran - and welcome to the forum!! We look forward to hearing more from you, and whether you post in the SO section where only us GG's have access or in the open forum, we're here to support each other. This is a very friendly group, and it doesn't matter if the 'tag' is CD or GG, everyone offers love, help, and support.

I presume that your CD is a member here - would you care to share the name with us? We have several CD/SO couples here, and it helps to know who is coupled with whom.

Please make yourself at home - - feel free to post wherever and ask questions!

- SL

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 9:47 pm

Hi Fran and welcome to the forum. I don't think you'll find another place with such a wonderful group of helpful and caring people. As Virginia said, you might find the SO section a more comfortable place to chat with other GG's and that's cool. If you need advice or answers from those of us who can give you a perspective from your partner's point of view, please don't hesitate to ask and we'll do our best to help you understand a little better. Most of us who have come out to our partners know just how much 'bottle' that takes. No doubt about that!

Just take your time and browse the wealth of information here and you'll soon feel right at home. Glad to have you here.

Stephanie

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 1:06 pm

Hello Fran,

aboard.

It's good to hear that you are working on trying to understand/accept your partner's transness.

For some, the need to be seen by their partner is desire for further acceptance. Maybe a greater acceptance.

Some SO's can understand our need to dress, or the idea of what being transgendered means, but baulk when it comes to seeing their partner in a dress. Some have seen their partner dressed with the result that they discover their partner is no different from before, yet some see them in a totally different light.

For some, the need to be seen by their partner is desire increase the frequency of their dressing. Or to get approval for going out dressed.

Thus the need to be seen can backfire. So, make sure you continue to talk to your partner so you can both understand why he wants to be seen by you. Then let him know when you are ready to see him dressed.

Note that participation in his dressing, even outside the house, can be a fun experience if you don't let society dictate how you should feel. How you feel should come from inside you.

Fran W (SO) · Post by **Fran W (SO)** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 1:21 pm

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome

You can't believe how pleased I was to find this site and the balanced and common sense views that seem to prevail here, even through all the 'ups and downs' (of which I have had many, and I suspect there are many more still to come)

My partner isn't a member here YET! I've given him the link and he's told me he's 'had a read' and is thinking about joining if it's right for both of us.

Oh well, it's been a long day for me, and I haven't finished work yet. And there's an evening on the settee with 'my man' and a bottle of wine planned, so I'd better get on, or I'll be falling asleep on him instead of having a 'random moment'

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Tue Apr 11, 2006 1:31 am

Hi Fran,

I'm an SO from the UK too. (S.E) Looking forward to chatting more with you, I'm just off to work now, but will try to post this evening!

Love,
Curly

Terri(SO) · Post by **Terri(SO)** » Tue Apr 11, 2006 8:07 am

Hi Fran!
You'll like this place and your partner might well join up eventually too. I joined first and with a little reading and encouragement from a few other CDs my Mariaa joined.
CD has its ups and downs to be sure, but you may find it enhances things in unexpected ways.
Terri

Tracy_Victoria · Post by **Tracy_Victoria** » Thu Apr 13, 2006 4:29 am

It seemed logical to post this here also, on behalf of Fran,

Hi All thank you so much for your warm and welcoming replies. you have made Myself Tracy and Fran my SO (Fran W) so very Welcome!

Really this is just a very quick update for you all, just to let you all know we haven't just signed on and then given up, ie there is more to come from us yet!

Basically We have had a little hiccup over the last few days, Our son (the middle one had to be taken in to hospital on Tuesday moning with stomach pains, and on tuesday night he had a emergency apendixtomy.

All is fine and he is recovering well, but of course this means both of us have been running about like headless chickens for the last two days, in fact as I write this, Fran's on hospital watch and sitting with him.

Were hoping all should hopefully return to normal by the weekend, and we will start to post more when we are able, but having recieved such warm welcome's I didn't want you to think we had just dropped of, or disappeared with out trace!!!

thanks all

Tracy

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:37 am

Sorry to hear your son had to have surgery, Tracy, but am glad it wasn't serious.

Take care of the boy and don't worry about us, we'll still be here when you want to post more.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Apr 13, 2006 3:16 pm

Tracy,
Glad you son is progressing well and that it was not something that was easily corrected.
We look forward to your participation with us.
Virginia

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Thu Apr 13, 2006 11:48 pm

Hi Fran and Tracy--
We can all do without excitement of that sort. I hope you can come back around and do some posting soon. Welcome to the forum!

Tamara(SO) · Post by **Tamara(SO)** » Fri Apr 14, 2006 11:10 am

Hi Fran, welcome to the forum. You certainly have come to a lovely place, it is full of lovely people to share and learn from. I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Sorry to hear about your son, I wish him a speedy recovery and I'm sending you all a well needed virtual hug