(OK--I realize that I've started a few new topics here, but I'm always curious and looking for other people's points of view! )
This may sound kinda weird, but sometimes I feel jealous of my SO. He wears a size 4 (size 4, people!) and I'm a size 8 or 10 and have to work to maintain my weight. To his credit, he does work out a lot and naturally has a small/thin frame. I try hard to not let it get to me, but sometimes it's depressing doing the laundry and seeing the labels or when I'm having a "fat day."
I know it sounds kind of insecure, but I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels this way sometimes! Fortunately, it hasn't affected our sex life and he tells me that I'm gorgeous just the way I am.
I've heard some SO's say something like this, in the past. I certainly don't think it's weird. It's a given that a central aspect of what many crossdressers do is related to image and appearance. It sometimes looks as though we try to "outperform" women in the "performance" of femininity (and, yes, we occasionally end up looking like a cross between Ronald McDonald and Phyllis Diller... on a good hair day... but we try our best).
I can see how this could give rise to "appearance anxiety" in a CD's SO. If her man has a body (and transformation skills) that allow him to "perform" the feminine gender (for whatever psychological motivations) in a manner that seems to come more easily to him than it does to her, it certainly can lead to envy or jealousy.
Usually, when I hear of an SO who wonders at her own "jealousy" of her CD'ing partner, it's in the context of a fictitious "third person, another woman" meddling in the relationship. But this has to do more with emotional ties and feelings regarding her man's loving attention (or, rather, lack thereof) than it does with infelicitous comparisons of body sizes or looks.
I think that, by the sounds of it, Gardenia, your jealousy may be rounded off by a tinge of humour regarding your odd predicament. I get a sense that you're being playful in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way even though there's a somewhat more serious subtext to your post. I'd say that's pretty healthy. Healthier still (for the relationship) is that he doesn't fail to let you know that he loves you just the way you are. I get a sense that, for all your "jealousy," you love him just the way he is, as well.
Personally, I have yet to feel jealous of my CD - envious, yes, because she's able to change her hairstyle and color on a whim. She also has this instinctive ability to pick out just the right clothes for any occasion and what colors work best for each of us. However, I value her opinion on my outfits - and wouldn't you know she's almost always right? {Thank you, sweetheart!}
What balances things out for us is that I'm able to help her with the makeup (not much help needed there, though), and those little details that we GGs immediately pick up on that our 'guys' just seem to either overlook or need our assistance in correcting.
Jealous of my CD's size? Definitely not! In fact, we are able to share some clothes - but I won't say what they are!! A girl has to keep some secrets!!
What it all comes down to is this: I love my CD and she loves me - just the way we are!
- SL
SilverLady(SO) - Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!! - Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum - Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard
I'm glad your S.O tells you, you are gorgeous just as you are! That should help get rid of those horrible jealousy feelings. Yes, I've felt them too. Ed is very slim also, with a lot longer legs than me, so can achieve that long-legged skinny hipped runway model look...at 5'3" it aint ever going to happen for me! I was particularly miffed over a pair black silk trousers that never quite fitted me...I was always having a 'fat day' whenever I tried them on but when Ed tried them, they fitted like they grew there...so I did the decent thing and relinquished ownership to my beloved!
Size 4?! I'm sorry, but I don't think sizes 8-10 are anything to be embarassed about, nor do I think size 4 is a healthy goal. A few googles quoted the following (I can't vouch for the quality of the statistics): the average woman's dress size is 12; the average mannequin's is 6. And I'm not even close to 12 (somewhere above 16 - that's all I'll disclose voluntarily); but, rather than get my size down, I'd be quite content to redistribute my stubborn belly fat as a pair of C-cups and some junk in the trunk.
Gardenia, interesting post but sometimes I do wonder if my wife get's a little jealous. I have ask her a couple of times if she was mad, ashame, or perhaps a bit jealous of Carol Ann. Her reply was "hell no baby I'm the real thing". Just her tone of voice makes me feel I may have hit a sour spot. Let me try to explain where I'm coming from. When I dress everyday I try to look my best, nice casual dressie cloths, proper makeup and the hair is just right. No I'm not bragging, as one thing I learn from my mother (bless her heart) a girl or women should present herself as a lady at all times and that is reflected in her attire. Now my wonderful wife is not a dresser nor does she wear makeup or care to get dolled up now and again as that is her. But as SL saids she is very quick to pick out anything that is wrong, mostly my waist line is out of place I don't wear it high enought. I do ask for her opinion everyday after I'm dressed "how do I look"?. Well she has a way of pointing out every little thing she see that is not correct. Thats why I believe she may be jealous,but I love her and she will let me dress to my hearts content. I think I got carried away on this one. Carol Ann
If it's wierd to be jealous, then count me in on the wierd list... And yes, my SO also wears a 4. Or so he said, until I ran into some size 4 tennis skirts at a consignment store and bought them for him. First girly thing I'd ever bought him. Ahem. Seems he actually wears somewhere between a 5 and a 7.
hehehe... Not that I have seen a size 5 since I was 13 years old, but nonetheless, I thought it hilarious that *he* fibbed about how small a skirt *he* wears...
Anyway, yes, I find myself in the untenable position of being jealous of this tall long-leggedy creature in a size 5 (or 7). CJ has it right - sometimes they out-femme us. The other thing is - hmmm... how to explain this. We know what to do when a woman moves in on our guy and steals our thunder. We get jealous. Nothing in my life prepared me for what to do when the woman stealing my thunder in front of my guy IS my guy... so the jealous gene pops up and goes AHA! and there you have it. Emotions do not have to be logical!
Oh, and Carol Ann. There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I would actually ADMIT out loud that I'm jealous that he sometimes makes a much cuter tart than I do!
Well ladies, my first experience with "fainted" jealousy was at a Christmas party that I went to several years ago and I posted a comment that was made to me from two GG's that were there! As I was leaving they stopped me and said that they had been discussing my appearance all night and had finally come up with a word - elegant! I like to have fainted! Then with a bit of a laugh, one of them quipped "You know it's bitches like you that make us have to work so hard to look good too!"
I would have to concur with my "sisters" here that a lot of us take the position that we have a certain mental picture of what we feel women should present as and I think a lot of us try and obtain that. OH God, back to the wood shed!!!!! OK it has been a while so take your best shots and go ahead and use "Virginia's Board of Education" if you want....... but a lot? some? GG's just do not, for whatever reason live up to our expectations - like Carol Ann wife's said, "Honey, I'm the real thing!" and that is so true. When I roll out of bed in the morning and my feet hit the floor for Virginia to look like she wants to look it takes work! When a GG's feet hit the floor - she is the real thing!!! Now what does she want to do to enhance that -- for ------- aaaaaa hhhhhh! a lot of GG's little or nothing. If we (CD'ers) do create a bit of jealousy in our SO's because we try to look nice, I would hope it was not to challenge our SO's or to try and embarrass them, we just have a certain preconception of a pretty woman and try to attain that for our own satisfaction!
Now that aside, as you know I am in the midst of a divorce and I guess my CD'ing is the primary reason - at this point "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" she never wanted to see me dressed, never saw me dressed, but I know this I can outdress her even on my worse day and when this thing is final --- she and her family are going to meet Virginia, face to face - yes I will go out of my way to look as good as I can, but it will be an "in your face event!"
My sisters, keep the faith and you GG's I appreciate your trying to understand us I know it isn't easy, but for those of you in a loving relationship "we" are not trying to harm you or the relationship in being who we are. If anything most of us are looking to you for guidance, love, patience and understanding.
Love you all,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
we have a certain mental picture of what we feel women should present as
It is the 'should' that I have trouble with, Hun! If I turn that quote round and say...something I would never say... 'we have a certain mental picture of what we feel men should present as'... isn't that what CDers are fighting against?! Is that not the root cause of non acceptance of CDing? In my idealistic perfect world, people would not feel men or women 'should' have to present as, in any way but the way they so choose, without being looked down upon or judged in a negative fashion.
Hi Curly,
Thanks for responding. No offense, but I wish I had not posted this as I felt it would raise the ire of both sides of the debate. I don't want to get into any kind of lengthy debate or try to explain myself. I would never try to speak for my sisters here. Let me say this, if we (CD'ers) were put on a spectrum as to who or what we felt we are where or could or should be we would have a very very wide variety - as I am sure you are aware!
It is my own personal opinion that there are at best 3 or 4 of my sisters on this site that are somewhere in the same universe I am. AND LET ME MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG PLACE TO BE. What I am saying is that each of us have a different approach to how we view and/or use our "gift!" Some see it as a curse or a burden -- fine, whatever. It is like I see women, I love women, I love their emotional sophistication - that is what I aspire to, to love unconditionally, to care, to trust, to cry anytime I feel like it, to have empathy for others. That is what Virginia gives me day in and day out. I don't have to dress to project those beautiful aspects of feminity that I want to emit every day. "Men" don't cry, they don't show emotions, they don't "share." It is the nature of the beast so to speak - the women say things like, he never compliments me, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't listen. And yes if you don't tell your woman she looks pretty or that you are proud of her and you love to be seen with her and you take her places to "show her off!" Yes, evidently they will stop trying, is that not right?
As for our SO or society or family accepting "us" crossdressers as who we are that is an individual problem and if one truly is a crossdresser then they have to learn to compromise, to deal with it, to live with it. I don't have the answers, I can only know where my "Magical Mystery Tour" has and is taking me. I have found an SO who ----for lack of a better term ---loves both of me!!! equally. She knows I am open to compromise but she also knows she cannot come between the two of us so she knows to not ever try!!!! She, like most GG's, doesn't get it! But she accepts it and sees the beauty that a crossdresser can bring to the relationship and she is willing to work with it almost to a fault!!!
You still have to acknowledge each others existence, you picked her or she picked you --- whatever, that in itself brings a lot of responsibilities in a relationship.
I could go on and on - I won't because if someone has read this far and still doesn't have a clue - I'm sorry. If you are sitting there nodding your head, then you are going to make someone a good wife, girlfriend, lover.
May God shed HER blessings on all of you and from now on I will try to stay away from so much involvement in others lives. I, well, enough.
Love you all,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
Did you know that Marilyn Monroe wore between a size 12 and 14. She had an absolutley fabulous figure. As Randy Newman so aptly put it "Don't send me no skinny woman with glasses,send me a real woman tonight." I love Zophtic women. They look beautiful because they are. Look at the statues from antiquity. That is how real women look and it's fabulous. The ideal look for a woman today was created by Madison avenue. A size 2 with fake breasts and plastic surgery. How sad. That is why eating disorders are out of control and women young and old feel so bad about their bodies. Look at even what designers offer women. Completely unrealistic clothing.
Then there are Knuckleheads like Hue Hefner with his blond Barbie doll fetish. What a freaking jerk he is. I feel bad for women. It's men who are trying to control them to conform to their ideal. Men always think with the wrong head ladies. Always. Hugs.
Thanks for your opinions, ladies. As always, I love the insight I get from y'all. It's interesting, because from some of your posts, I get the impression that CDs get some of the same body issues that us GGs get every now and then! It's funny sometimes-I actually think that my SO can relate to me better because he's a crossdresser!
Gardenia, honey, what can I say but "Bingo!" we do want to relate to you and your femininity!
I actually think that my SO can relate to me better because I'm a crossdresser!
Love ya,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
Gardenia - I know that my CD relates better to me because he is a CD, but also because he/she are my soul mates.
- SL
SilverLady(SO) - Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!! - Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum - Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard
)
{Thank you, sweetheart!} 
Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard 
I'm sorry, but I don't think sizes 8-10 are anything to be embarassed about, nor do I think size 4 is a healthy goal. 
A few googles quoted the following (I can't vouch for the quality of the statistics): the average woman's dress size is 12; the average mannequin's is 6. 
And I'm not even close to 12 (somewhere above 16 - that's all I'll disclose voluntarily); but, rather than get my size down, I'd be quite content to redistribute my stubborn belly fat as a pair of C-cups and some junk in the trunk. 
