CDing is a sexual pleasure

[Ridge]

Some thoughts about the issue of dressing and the need of the CD for acceptance by the SO. Since I am a CD and because my hormones are totally scrwed up by a brain tumor, I have some insight from the female side.

From my own perspective, CDs are turned on by dressing. At some point early on they associate dressing with sexual pleasure. There is a "thrill" in the adventure of not being caught, and sometimes, being caught.

Most CDs masturbate while dressed for the sexual pleasure. Just like Pavlov's dogs, CDs have learned that dressing means sexual arousal and pleasure.

Thus, when a CD wants to dress for sex with the SO/wife, he is really experiencing a sexual high. The more they have sex dressed, the more they need to do it dressed. It's a fix that is hard to break. Many of you SOs express being turned-off by the hubby dressed; my ex-wife was also. You want sex to be a loving part of the marriage not a mechanical part to satisfy your hubby's sex drive. In return, I wanted to have sex with my ex-wife for the same loving reason; sexual arousal aside. So it stopped soon after it started.

It is not healthy for a marriage. The sexual needs of the hubby are met but the SO is not considered. CDs are selfish by their nature and their needs.

My humble opinion.


Ridge

[Alexandra]

Most CDs masturbate while dressed for the sexual pleasure.

They do??? Most??? Thats news to me. I know you're just stating an opinion here, but perhaps we need to do a bit of fact checking . . .

[Alexandra]

It is not healthy for a marriage. . . . CDs are selfish by their nature and their needs.

I disagree. Some CD/TGs may be guilty of being dishonest, but they are most certainly NOT being selfish by being who they are! Everybody has "needs", even GGs!!! We either decide to accept them or not . . . nobody is ever selfish for being who they are!

The person demanding a spouse to be someone else other than who they really are for their own peace of mind is the selfish one here.

[Ridge]

Precisely the point I was making. From the postings I read, many want to dress during sex while their SO has real problems with that.

But who is a CD?? The real answer lies in why a person is a CD, I guess. A TS has a different motivation than a CD. And a CD that imposes his will on his SO is being selfish. And that is what I got from the SO postings.

I would be interesting in hearing from the SOs who capitulated to the CD wants. Were things better or were the demands merely magnified. I believe the latter.

Let's hear from the SOs.

Ridge

[Alexandra]

The SO's can't respond in this thread . . . ask Beauty to move it.

I think this is more of a dishonesty issue than anything else . . . SOs caught by surprise would naturally react that way, and there lies the problem many have -- not really a fair evaluation of the average CD/TG

However, had someone been open from the beginning and the SO decides to get married/have a relationship anyway, the CD/TG can NEVER be called selfish.

[Ridge]

I agree that if both parties know what they are getting from the outset, then it is okay. The problem is the SO usually doesn't know. Why is this? Because by nature CDs do not advertise their desires. This is evidenced in the CD postings.

CDing is secretive due to societal tabboos rightly or wrongly. How many SOs go around telling the world their hubby dresses? Not too many again because of societal tabboos. And I believe a lot of this deals with the fact that for many CDs it is a sexual pleasure and sex isn't discussed openly.

Ridge

[LeftyRainbow(SO)]

Hi Ridge,

I don't know if I can be of any help in your discussion because my partner has been open and honest with me about TG issues from the beginning and I have always been fine with it.

If you have any questions that you think I can help with by answering ,feel free to ask.

Please take care

Lefty

[Marilyn]

CDs are turned on by dressing. At some point early on they associate dressing with sexual pleasure. There is a "thrill" in the adventure of not being caught, and sometimes, being caught.

Ridge,

I disagree, only in the sense that your statement is blanket in that it seems to state that we (CDs) are always sexually turned on by the act of dressing.

Early on, when I was only wearing lingirie, it was entirely sexual. However, over the years, it has simply become a part of who I am. I no longer get an erection from the act of putting on panties, or stockings, or even a skirt. I am simply being me.

I have no desire to wear my normal style of dress to bed, or for sex. And while this is wearing panties and satin pajamas, that is what I wear every night, regardless.

I think it is more a matter of 'taste', or 'style'. I have read, here, that there are some who enjoy the act of wearing stockings, and heels, and whatever, when it comes to sex. To each their own. If it's mutually acceptable, go for it.

I suppose the easiest example, that comes to mind, would be how people choose to eat scrambled eggs. (Not as far-fetched as it sounds...bear with me. )

Some people like only egg whites, some with salt, or with pepper. And yet others mix tabasco, or ketchup, or something else, with theirs. Each person is still eating scrambled eggs, but they are doing it in their own way. We each CD, but we all do it in our own way, and just a little different than the next person.

Never discount those things that make each of us the unique person we are.

I hope that made some sort of sense.

Hugs.

[Ridge]

You seem to support my underlying premise, pardon the pun, that CDing started with sexual pleasure. I understand that over time, as in your case, the sexual stimilus diminishes and is replaced by non-sexual pleasure.

I also agree that to each their own. I was reacting to the postings of some SOs that expressed, to me, extreme concern over the dressing for sex. To me this says it is about sex for the CD and his needs trump those of his SO. If the SO is comfortable with this arrangement, then so be it.

I was also reacting somewhat to the common question posed by SOs: why CDs dress? I still contend that many do it for the sexual high, which may also mean release of tension, physically or mentally.

We are familiar with the term " adrenaline junkies" referring to those people who take pleasure in doing extremely dangerous feats. CDs get a "high" from the act of dressing just as the adrenaline junkies get a high. Thus, they continue to do it until the high is no more. Just as with drugs, people need more to get the same high. For CDs it means dressing more frequently and/or more completely, or going out in public or maybe having sex with the SO dressed as a woman. The more extreme the greater the high. "Pushing the envelope" is the term most appropriate.

My humble opinion.

Ridge

[Carol Ann]

I totally disagree with your post . I don't dress to have sex with my wife as she wants her husbant. #2 I don't masturbate while dressed, It's not very lady like and I don't feel the need to do so, Sorry my feelings carol Ann

[Ridge]

Carol ann

I agree with you that most wives want to have sex with their husband as a man, not dressed as a woman. Please read some of the postings by the SOs to see what I am reacting to.

You may not masterbate now, but I suspect you did when you first started. As stated in my last posting, you have now moved to another form of "high" or way to release tension. To each his own.

It seems I have struck a sensitive chord for some. But I think it is worthy of discussion - you may convince me I am all wrong.

Ridge

[Carol Ann]

Hi Ridge , No I am sorry your post does not rate a post
In fact I find it VERY disgusting

[Ridge]

Carol Ann

I appreciate you taking the time to at least read the posts.

You are entitled to your opinion.

But tell me, in a linear argument, what you don't like about my argument. And why is my position and opinion disgusting?? It is so easy to criticize and so hard to form a logical counter-argument.

Frankly, it is rather disgusting to me that some CDs must dress to have sex with their SO. That freaks me out.

Ridge

[Alexandra]

Ridge, here's what I don't like about this thread:

"Opinions" can never be wrong -- so they only needed to be stated once.

But here you are making comments like "most", "many" and so on, without ever once quoting or referring to a source that'll prove to us your musings are even factual. Don't you think its time you did a bit of research to see if your comments can even be substanciated?

Further you seem to base a lot of your "opinions" on posts made in this forum. This is a hardly a scientific way to base opinions on . . . in fact, there is a term for it: "picking the hits and ignoring the misses". For instance, CDs or SOs with particular problems naturally will be posting about it, while on the other hand, for all we know, the vast majority of CD-F visitors DO NOT HAVE THAT "PROBLEM" and aren't partipicating in the discussions. Did you factor that into your "opinions"?

Another thing, an online forum only attracts a small slice of the CD/TG/SO population -- and it can't possibly correctly represent the views of the entire community. For all we know, the VAST majority of CD/TGs/SO may not be having these problems you're concerned about and are out living their lives happily-- But I don't know, and neither do you, so lets assume nothing and stop using "most" and "many" when the fact is, we don't know.

Here's a question for you: Are you a crossdresser? There is no wrong answer here and you're not required to answer either, its just that I'd like some facts . . .

[Melissa]

Hi All - Interesting Discussion, I felt I had to respond.

I am a crossdresser and I agree with "Ridge" and most of what he has mentioned, in my experience and what I've learned about crossdressing it mostly starts with young boys who dressup for sexual pleasure in their adolesence. OK they might start showing an interest when they are around 4 years of age but is does move to the sexual element sooner or later.

Regarding Caral Ann? surely this is a legitimate discussion? I believe MOST crossdressers start out this way and to say its discusting and not lady like - Mmmm if you see yourself as a women then you are not a crossdresser surely? but rather a transgender!

I believe that if you think that crossdressing is MOSTLY non sexual then you must be on another planet!!!! However, what I'm learning is that people seem to move on from the sexual pleasure to dressing for other reasons.

Some research....

Transvestite
n. man deriving esp. sexual pleasure from dressing in women's clothes.  transvestism n. [Latin vestio clothe].
Sourced from the English Oxford Dictionary

Cross-Dressing
n. practice of dressing in the clothes of the opposite sex.  cross-dress v.
Sourced from the English Oxford Dictionary

1. What is transvestism or crossdressing?
The compulsive wearing of clothing pertaining to the opposite sex. It is primarily a male activity. It often results in sexual arousal. Transvestites remain aware of, and usually content with, their biological sex.

2. How does transvestism differ from transsexuality?
Transvestism and male transsexuality differ by degree. Both behaviours are part of a continuum. Transsexuality represents the end of the continuum. Transsexuals are not content with their biological sex. All transsexuals must necessarily go through a crossdressing period.

3. Identity
Transvestism and transsexuality are both issues of personal identity. Clinically such behaviours are referred to as Gender Identity Disorder (GID).
Sourced from http://www.parakaleo.co.uk

This is my conviction on this subject.