The truth

[Roxanne (SO)]

Hi Everyone!

I am a new member who joined the forum about a week ago. I thank so many of you for having responded to my "new member" intro. Now, I feel I need to tell you all the truth...I am CJ's SO.

I didn't think it was necessary at first because I honestly joined the forum just for me. Not because he's been asking me to or because I felt I had to but rather I joined now because I had to feel I wanted to and now was that time.

Despite the fact that I was truthful in my new member intro, I didn't feel it necessary to announce that I was CJ's (a longtime member of the forum and probably known to most of you) SO. My intension was not to be dishonest or untrue, I merely wanted to get to know a few people on my own. I wanted people to be interested in my threads because they were interesting and not because you all know CJ.

Since then, CJ feels that he is being dishonest and lying to all of you if he responds to my threads witout admitting he knows who I am. To me, I feel as though he doesn't seem to understand that I am doing some soul searching, that this is my first time on a forum and that I hesitate about wether the answers I get to my threads are biased because CJ is well known to many. So far I have only posted on the SO section (which he does not have access to) but none the less he has tonight told me that he cannot go on the forum until I come clean. So there you have it.

I don't really know any of you but I have faith in CJ and I can only hope that he's right when he says that all of you are honest and would never be biased towards me even if I talk a lot more about our relationship than he.

By the way, DonnaT, I've been posting on the SO section that's why I haven't yet answered your question. I don't feel like it tonight but I will get back to you.

[KimberlyS]

Hi Roxanne and Welcome to the forum.

I for one will treat you differently knowing that you are CJ's SO. But hang on. You will not get any preferred treatment being CJ's SO. Are you confused yet?

SO's and CD's come here seeking support and advice but often we do not know the other side of things. We get a one sided view and are often missing many details that may help us in a response. We will never know all of the details. But in this case we have more and we now know possibly how to better answer your questions that you have.

As an example. I am on another forum and one of the couples my wife and I have met and got to know a bit better on a face to face basis. IMHO, the relationship that is showing to the forum is that of the husband being a major cause of a lot of what is happening. The truth is just the opposite. IMHO, it is the wife who at one point loved the CDing and thought it was kind of fun as had a person change on how she feels about it due to the CDer not opening up to her and several other things most which are not CDing related. She says it is ok, but IMHO, inside it is tormenting her and she it thus tormenting the CDer making their marriage and unpredictable and often hell. The CDer basically just shuts down when it gets bad and gets more depressed which does not help the situation at all. And when the CDer does talk he is seldom to never right in anything he may say according to the wife. And the other times he speaks up is when he gets his fill and it turns in to an angry argument. And no it is not all of the wifes fault. The CDer has needed to open up more to her and there are many other things intermixing with the CDing that the forum has no idea about. So Thus, IMHO, the forum is actually doing the opposite in their case by the wife often getting very wrong information due to people not knowing the whole situation.

I think often we are missing critical information when we give out advise here just because it is hard to give all of the facts that may be important when the person asking for help does not know what to tell us. So thus you will often see people as for more information or give very general information that may be helpful.

And with any advice, it is just that. Advice we give based on our experiences, our view points of things, and our limited knowledge of your situation. Never take advise from here as the gospel, but try to relate it to your situation. Because you are there dealing with it we are not.

So again welcome to the forum. You will always get my honest opinion no matter who you know. And plus if you have not figured it out by now I can be a bit long winded. This is me, the old wind bag in drag.

KimberlyS-CD
joe in a skirt

[Absaroka]

It doesn't change much for me since I tend to forget who is involved with who here anyway. Not to mention so much of the discussion here is of broad principals like self acceptance.

I'm glad you are here and glad you chose to share this with us.

Absaroka

[CJ]

Hi all,

To Roxanne:

Babe, I'm glad you joined the forum and that you want to participate. In the last year or so, we've had our ups and downs, our secrets and revelations, our moments of tunnel vision and our moments of far-seeing, but one thing has never changed and that's the love, respect, and admiration I have for you. Occasionally, I may falter in my expression of these feelings but they're always there.

I hope you feel you can express yourself freely here; you'll see that this is a good bunch of people, good hearts and good souls. The stated aim of the forum is to foster exchange, honest communication, and understanding between spouses and between people, generally. This is my aim and my reason for being here. I suspect it's yours as well.

So, welcome aboard, Roxanne. May you benefit from the time you spend here, however much or however little that may be.

I love you.

CJ

[Georgia(SO)]

Roxanne -

Welcome to the playground!

I don't know whether knowing that CJ is your SO would influence anything I had to say to you - like Absaroka, I tend to forget who is with whom.

I'm sure you will enjoy it here - very few of us bite!

Have a good one -

-georgia(so)

[Terri(SO)]

Welcome Roxanne!
You are welcome here just as you. I'm glad you are here. Remember you are an individual participant in life and, even here, not simply "CJ's SO". Feel free to check out the SO-only section and I think many of us are open to direct communication if that's something you're comfortable with.
Hope to see more of you!
Terri

[Stephanie W]

Hi Roxanne

For what it's worth, it makes no difference to me that you are CJ's SO. All the people I've got to know within our forum family has come solely from reading about their lives and experiences through their written words. Not having yet had the opportunity to meet anyone in real life, I don't have that personal connection that might unintentionally cloud my opinion of someone or influence me in how I might respond to someone's question or comment.

From what I know of CJ, s/he is a very kind, caring and articulate individual who seems in tune with what it's like to be TG and well versed on what it takes to keep a healthy balance in life. Obviously, as a SO, you have an insight that goes way beyond anything any of us could ever know, and as an outsider, it's easy to fall back on the belief that any partner of CJ would have the best 'counsellor' she could want for dealing with what its' like living with a TG partner.

That said, I can also understand that you still need to talk with others and seek out different points of view, be it from strangers or the friendly people here and there's nothing wrong in that. If there is a need to converse among your fellow GG's, then don't feel bad about doing that either. I'm sure CJ would be the first to tell you s/he cannot give you the insight that another woman can, so go ahead and find those answers. The important thing is that you're comfortable with all aspects of your partner and gain a deeper understanding, that hopefully, will strengthen your relationship to the point that you can both live happily together, free of any doubts or resentment.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Stephanie

[Elizabeth]

Roxanne,

I don't feel you were being dishonest. I had suspected from your intro that you were CJ's SO, but to be honest, it is not important. I mean it's nice that you two have each other, but it doesn't change how I feel about you or your posts.

You are an individual and have your own views, which I hope you feel free to share us. I do believe one would be hard pressed to find a more loving group of people than the people who come here. Welcome.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Carla L]

Roxanne:

I have no problem at all. I'm happy for you and CJ to be able to share here, something I wish my SO would do. There are so many times my wife will question whether I love her, or want her as before since I've come 'out' as a CD. She does not understand it, and I find no better place than here to get some answers and support. The girls here are great and your being here is just another reason for me to keep reading and occasionally post.

You are welcome here.

[Carol Ann]

Hi Roxanne,
Let me put my .02 worth in, you like everyone else are more then welcome as YOU a person.

I have know CJ as long as I have been on the forum and she has help me over the pc problems more then once.

I you as you, Roxanne

[Sally]

Hello Roxanne,

Knowing that you’re CJ’s partner certainly won’t influence me one way or the other and I’m sure from what I know of CJ, s/he would prefer everyone to be upfront and honest in how they respond to any thing you may care to say. Irrespective of who may be who, I always treat everyone with the same respect and dignity if I respond to a particular post. To me, everyone here is special because we all have a common cause even if to varying degrees, and just because we all have this common CD/TG thread, or we’re involved with someone who has, doesn’t mean there is a guarantee that we have anything else in common, but these are the things we discover over time as we get to know each other better, helping each other, sharing information and encouraging each other to develop ourselves. I know you’ll sort it all out and be an asset to our ‘community forum’.

I don’t think dishonesty comes into it at all, I can understand why you may have been somewhat hesitant to reveal yourself at first, but I feel you would be a free thinking individual who is their own person, so once again, welcome, and I look forward to your participation.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Penni SO]

Hi ya Roxanne,

What can I say that has'nt been said..here you will both have your space in private area's to express your fears,concerns etc..where there will not be any backlash on either of you.

I know you don't know me from a bar of saop..but I hope that I can be there for you.
CJ has been more than helpful to me through guideance through PM's..and to tell you the truth when I was in depths of despair he was there opening things up for me to see.As you see I am the Spouse to a transitioning Transsexual way over in Perth Western Australia.

You are a very special woman,I can tell that from what I have read..and as CJ said you have had some ups and downs..the main thing of course is that you truely love each other...a strength and bond that can be blessed with open and honest communication.The journey is worth the ride.

Anyway enough from me...welcome Roxanne.

HUgs Penny

[Roxanne (SO)]

Hi all,

I don't want you all to think that I've not been reading your responses. Trust me, I read them carefully as often as I can. I don't really have much to say but I do want to take this opportunity to thank you all. You all seem to say that I don't really have anything to worry about and to be honest, I find that comforting, but I can't seem to get rid of my reticence but I'm sure that will go away with time.

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

Roxanne (SO)

[DonnaT]

Now, I feel I need to tell you all the truth...I am CJ's SO.

Cool!

By the way, DonnaT, I've been posting on the SO section that's why I haven't yet answered your question. I don't feel like it tonight but I will get back to you.

Note, I am always honest with my replies. They may be handled with kid gloves at times, and without pulling punches at other times. Either way, they are honest.

[Virginia]

As you can see, we all have a lot of respect for CJ!!! Although she won't admit it, she is one of the most influential people on this forum. One that I know I always look forward to reading and studying her responses. She knows she was the major influence in helping Virginia learn to enjoy "MY magical mystery tour!"

As for honesty, most of the girls in this sorority and your fellow GG's would have a real problem being dishonest and they want to share their own experiences in hopes of helping any of their sisters who may be struggling and looking for answers or at least options that they can apply to their own situation. We are not all as well versed as CJ, but then given her expansive backgound in dealing with people she is a real asset to my sisters here and we all realize that. There are times when I wish she would be a bit more forceful, considering why we participate in this forum, but that is just her -- gentle and kind!!! We sure love her!

I know that dealing with this aspect of someone that a GG builds feelings for can be difficult to "get her mind around," but as I am fond of saying, it is a "gift" for those of us who have that place on the continuum.

In closing, I will say again, a GG can do a lot worse than developing a relationship with a crossdresser!

We hope you don't spend all your time in the SO section. We love to have GG's out here slugging it with us!!

Love ya,

Virginia